RP LOG with pourquoixpas | An unexpected lifeline
[Follows THIS]
Typical, that when it rained it fucking poured. It just sucked extensively when that was literal and not metaphorical. London weather was so unpredictable. When Jess first made it out of the Hunt & Associates building after the horrible confrontation with Stuart's big brother, the sun was shining. By the time she walked a few blocks to try and unsuccessfully clear her head, it was pouring and she was soaked from head to toe. At least with the pouring rain, no one could really see the tears of frustration on her face. Before she knew it, she had walked all the way in wet heels and a wet, expensive suit to Williamson Kent Pharmacueticals, finding herself staring up at the looming building with her still auburn hair plastered to her face. She had come here automatically, though something subconscious had drawn her here. She knew exactly what it was, too.
Wiping at her face with her hands, she went over to the sprawling marble reception desk to the receptionist with her telephone headset on. She sniffled back some tears, fighting the urge to just stand there like a kid and just sob messily and extensively. Her voice was hoarse when she spoke and rested her hands on the top of the desk, trying to keep some sort of professional... something. She was failing miserably. "Can you please page Phillipe Chevalier?" she found coming out of her mouth with a small sob that she cut off. "It's important," she added, as if a crazy wet crying woman standing there asking to see a multimillionaire on a whim wasn't enough. Crazy Stalker Mask much?
Phillipe was locked in his office, growling at anyone that came near the door to fuck off. He was deep in the middle of rewriting a huge bit of code that had been found to cause a crash during testing. He was surrounded by coffee mugs, and the empty wrappers of junk food. He was also pacing in front of the large office window coming close to digging his hair out of his scalp in frustration. He knew there was something wrong with the coding but after staring at it for hours he just couldn't figure it out. Reading over code was like reading over an essay - once you started to proof it, you just saw whatever you had originally intended. It was impossible to pick up your own mistakes unless you were willing to see them.
He'd fixed a few mistakes but they weren't the right ones. His phone beeped and he growled again before stalking over the desk and digging under the crisp packets and chocolate wrappers to find the speaker button and cursed in French loudly, and repeatedly. His assistant took it in her stride and just said that there was a Jessica Morgan waiting down in the lobby for him. He blinked, and raised a hand to rub his fingers against his stubble. He hadn't shaved in a couple of days and it was definitely showing.
The fact that he probably looked like shit didn't stop him from bolting out of the office though and heading straight for the lift. He punched the button repeatedly, but the lift wasn't going to go quicker just because he wanted it to. Even when he'd stepped inside it he was getting frustrated with how slow it seemed to be moving. By the time he did reach the lobby his mood didn't seem to have improved, not until he clapped eyes on the sodden Jess. "Mon dieu, mon amour. You'll catch you death like this." His features softened as touched his fingers to her cheek and tried to brush away some of the dampness. His features had softened as he looked her over, but his brow soon creased with concern. He didn't have to be a genius to see that she was upset. He slipped an arm around her shoulders and hugged her close as he guided her back towards the lifts. "What's wrong?"
"I hate rich people!" Jess declared through another sob, giving him a small, yet weak, shove in the shoulder just because the frustration needed to be catered to on some level. But she only proceeded to bury her face in his shoulder and cling to him like her life depended on it. Maybe it did. Right now, she knew she couldn't turn to her boss. She couldn't turn to her family because it was Liam, she couldn't turn to Ethan because he was Tom's best friend. Everything was up the shit. She had let slip to Stuart's brother, of all people, what she had just witnessed and he was now probably running straight to Stuart to tell him. And rightly so. She couldn't believe it. "I hate brothers, too!" she soon added, the only thing she could seem to feel right now was devastated. She trusted Tom so much, and now he was balls deep in her little brother's mouth. What the hell was she supposed to think?
Phillipe didn't know what to say to the rich people comment, but he hugged her tighter when she buried her face against him. He rubbed her back soothingly and pressed the call button for the lift. Something was really bothering her and all Phillipe wanted to do was help, he just had no idea what to do. All he could do was be there for her while she fell apart. He was trying not to feel too pleased at the fact that she'd come to him. He did smile just a little before he kissed the top of her wet head. "I'll try not to take too much offence seeing as how I am a brother and a rich person. You can shove me some more if it will help, Jess. Just tell me what you need."
"Not your brother! My brother! Men! Anything with a cock!" Jess said helplessly, trying to get her point across. It was just a useless effort when the poor guy had no idea what she was on about, or probably why she was even there. Why was she there? She didn't even know why she was there and once they got into the elevator, the tears just started to fall heavily and she put her hands over her face to try and stop them. It wasn't even her problem or her fuck up, but it felt like it was. The guilt burned through her for telling Angus, too. "Oh god, I told him! He just... I just... I shouldn't have said anything! No one would get hurt then, right?"
Phillipe stared at her, not sure what he was supposed to say to that, either. He was a man with a cock. A very nice cock, and all he wanted was for Jess to appreciate it. This just wasn't the moment. He wrapped her up in a hug again, not caring about her soaking his t-shirt. He desperately wanted a towel to get her dry but it just wasn't going to happen. Although as they were heading up to his floor, he got his mobile out and rang his assistant to get her to at least find some paper towel. He went back to rubbing Jess' back as he watched her. "You're hurt," he told her quietly. "Maybe no one else would be hurting, but you would be. And you are."
Jess suddenly found herself hoping to all hell they didn't run into Ethan. If they did, she might just throw up all over him by default of who he was. "Stuart is about to get a lot more hurt than I am," she told him quietly and sucked in a small breath when she imagined Angus sitting his brother down and revealing the news. She put her hand over her face again, feeling terrible for him. "I trusted him. He was what I wanted to be, just like him. He had it all, but even beyond that, he was just... amazing at what he did. He had it together. That's my baby brother! My brother!" she cried when she started to get angry and frustrated again.
"He..." Phillipe frowned as he started to put the pieces together. Little things she said started to click into place and he felt his stomach sink. "Tom? What's he done? What's your brother got to--Non, non... He wouldn't. He wouldn't hurt Stuart like that. They're getting married. They're meant to be. They were set. I don't understand."
"He was sucking Tom's cock!" Jess exploded, right as the elevator doors swung open onto the floor that was evidently Phillipe's. Everyone in hearing distance would have caught it and for a moment, she just stared out into the office floor, stunned, blinking as a deep red colour crept up into her face.
Phillipe was still getting over the shock of her explosive words himself, but he had enough brain power left to realise he needed to move Jess through the office quickly. His arm snaked around her waist possessively like he was quietly daring anyone to judge her, and he moved them both through the desks and workers quickly until they hit his office. His assistant handed him a towel she'd managed to find as they past, and he snatched it off her with a brief nod before slamming the door behind him and Jess and flicking the lock on it. He still didn't say anything as he started to rub her over with the towel, working on getting her dry.
Jess just let herself be tugged along by him, keeping her mouth clamped closed. Even in the safety of his office with the door locked, she still couldn't say anything. She was worried if she opened her mouth, she would throw up. She felt like she wanted to, the tension and anxiety in her gut getting too much to bear. She was numb, and she was cold, but it had nothing to do with the rain, although that wasn't helping. She didn't know anyone in Phillipe's office, had no reason to care what they thought of her, but suddenly that was a crushing worry too. So much in her life she just worried too much about, mostly bordering on impressions in a world she wasn't used to. Her little brother on his knees between Tom's legs was just one of those things, but it was going to hurt Stuart, who had done nothing but love Tom unconditionally and take care of him when he nearly lost his life, took time off work to nurse him back to health. She reached out to try and hold herself up on the edge of his desk, but it wasn't enough and she soon sunk down against it until she was sitting on the floor in a wet, miserable mess. "I told Stuart's brother."
Phillipe followed her down to the floor and draped the towel over the back of her shoulders as he sat next to her, still holding her close. He reached behind himself to grab the waste bin, and tipped out the contents before offering it to her in case she was going to throw up. It was okay if she did. She might even feel better for it. He wasn't going anywhere. He wanted a drink. Or maybe he needed to throw up as well. It was hard to believe this of Tom, even if he had been a gay man whore. And Jess' little brother? He remembered him from the party, and was struggling to believe anyone related to Jess was stupid enough to start something with Tom. Not when the lawyer was newly engaged, and certainly not at his office. Still, Jess had seen it with her own eyes and now Phillipe had little choice but to believe. "I'd ask which one, but I think they'll all kill Tom. And your little brother."
The scene was playing over and over in her mind as she tried to find even just a small way to justify it. There was nothing. For one, there was no explanation why Liam would be there that afternoon, let alone why he was in Tom's office with the door closed. He hadn't even stopped in on Jess, and he was her brother. But she wouldn't be here in this mess if Liam had just been in Tom's office like any other client, would she? He wasn't just in the fucking office. He was in the office, on his knees between Tom's legs. There was no other damn way to justify this, or explain it. Tom used to be a player, Liam was one. She had never been one, she didn't know how they acted or what they believed they could get away with. All she could think about was Stuart and how hurt he was going to be, but also how betrayed she felt by her boss and her brother. She was also scared for her little brother now, she wanted to protect him just like Angus predicted, but she also wanted to scream at him for being so fucking stupid and selfish. She was so upset, it felt like she wouldn't ever be able to stop the tears, and she took the trash can, if only to give her something to do with her hands. Her stomach was in a tightly curled knot of anxiety to the point it was painful. "Angus. The middle one. He was there for an appointment with Tom, only now I doubt that'll happen. He needs to be able to trust someone... only trusted him because Stuart did..." More tears spilled over helplessly. "I'm sorry. This is... you must be busy. You don't need me crashing in on you."
Phillipe pulled her head against his shoulder and rest his cheek on the top of her head. He gave her a gentle squeeze as he exhaled slowly. He hadn't even seen anything, but his imagination was feeding him images he could have done without. He had nothing but admiration for Jess, even if she was falling apart in his arms. He couldn't blame her, not when she'd caught her brother with her boss. "I've never doubted Tom's professional integrity, but I'm fairly certain Angus would never be able to trust him again. He's the one with the little daughter, oui? Tom was helping him with the custody. He would have been the best." Phillipe shifted, and leaned forward to catch her eye. "Don't apologise. I will never be too busy for you, cherie."
Jess nodded miserably, more than glad to have him there with her right then. She wasn't sure what she would be doing right now if he wasn't. "He needed Tom. Just because Tom is... is..." She waved her hand, any appropriate words failing her now. "Doesn't mean he isn't one of the best lawyers. He is. Angus' wife is bordering on trying to fuck him over, too, and now is the time that it all needs to go down. Only it's Liam going down, isn't it?" she bit out and tried to keep a hold of her compsure. She wiped at her cheeks again with her fingers and tried to swallow back the urge to just sit there and cry. "I have to apologise. I owe it to you... only, not for this. For something else."
He rubbed at his stubble briefly before he started to tuck some of her hair behind her ear. He remembered the no touching rule, but he couldn't help himself. She needed the comfort and he wanted to give it to her anyway he could. "Are you going to speak with your brother? Are you even going to speak with Tom? He's your boss. If you don't have it out with either of them then you will get a ball of anger in your gut that will start to eat you alive. You don't need to do it now, but soon. You could... stay at my place if you don't want to go home. Julien and I will take care of you." Phillipe offered her a smile before he arched an eyebrow. "For something else? What something else?"
"If I look either of them in the face right now, I will do and say something I regret extensively. This is not my problem, I got caught in the crossfire. If I wanted to be involved, I would be over there telling Stuart exactly what I saw, but I don't think I can even face him. It's not my place to break his heart, it's Tom's. I wasn't sure I believed in hate, but I think I'm close right now. How could he do this to Stuart? How can someone who shares my blood be just so indifferent to someone else's feelings? Deep feelings, love? That's not fucking Liam's place to be! Maybe before, I don't know. Before Stuart was even in the picture. Tom was single then, he didn't have a care in the world. I just want to hurt them both!" Jess clenched her fists and closed her eyes to exhale heavily. "I just... I... misjudged you, and I'm sorry. But I feel like I'm in this world fighting against all these strong male forces, and it's a battle that some days just takes it toll. I can just see right now that there are worse things you could've done than just try and hit on me. Not that I appreciate it! Okay? Just so we're straight there. I didn't appreciate it. It went against all my values and I wanted to smack you for that. But I hope that it wasn't really what you're like."
Phillipe cleared his throat, and wasn't sure whether he should be offended or not. He understood that she hadn't appreciated being hit on. He really had fucked up with that. What he had hoped was that she would see he was different by now. He pushed his personal feelings aside though and just kissed the top of her head. "I'm not trying to fight you, Ms Morgan. I never meant to make you feel as if I was. I should be the one apologising again. Perhaps one day you will see it's not who I am." He rubbed his hand against her arm. "Do you want me to take you home?"
Jess grabbed his hand as her eyes filled with tears again. She squeezed it tight, to the point it was probably a little painful and looked at him helplessly. "Today is that day. Can't you see what I'm saying?" she asked in frustration. "I need you to understand what I'm trying to say here. I get terrified that I'm never going to be enough, and that I won't have a hope in hell. I wanted to be like him, you know. I wanted to be just as successful, even if I was a girl. I could do it, if I worked hard enough and didn't take any shit off anyone. But I... how is that anything to live up to now? He was one guy I thought I could trust, one that wouldn't take advantage of me because I had tits. I wanted to know you were like that too, but I didn't have a whole lot to go on, did I? I just don't know what to think. Because it's all screwed up now, you're just going to think I'm here clutching at straws because of what happened, but it's not... and I don't even know what the fuck I'm saying anymore!"
He looked down at her hand clutching at his, and didn't try to pull out of the hold. She was doing a pretty good job of crushing it, but he didn't care. As long as she was here, he really didn't care about anything else. He gave a slow nod to show that he did understand what she was saying. "You underestimate yourself, cherie. You're more amazing than you can see, and the truth is, no man will ever be good enough for you. Not until you find what you're looking for. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to be that. I know it's not in vogue to feel protective of a woman anymore, but I do of you. My heart aches seeing you like this. I just want to take your pain away."
"I'm sorry," Jess said tearfully, holding his gaze sadly. "I screwed up. I just didn't want you to take advantage of me. I don't want that. I want... to fall in love, and feel all those things in equal. I see what Ethan did to try and win Sophie over, and I want to mean that much to some guy. But I want him to mean just as much to me. Hell, maybe sometimes I even want to buy him flowers or gifts just because I'm thinking about him. I just didn't ever know if that could exist, and I'm wondering even more now after what I just saw. I thought Tom and Stuart had it going on, you know? They weren't conventional, a cop and a lawyer. But they seemed to have the right formula. Now I'm not sure I'll ever be able to look Tom in the face again. I don't understand how anyone can cheat on someone they profess to love unconditionally."
"Stop apologising," Phillipe told her softly. His own eyes welled up and he pressed his lips together so he didn't give into the lump that had grown in his throat. "You mean that much to me. You really do. I just... I didn't want to go with jewellery and flowers in case you thought I was being a jerk again. I tried unconventional and I think that just made you madder. One of these days I'll figure out something to give you that will sweep you off your feet. I'm determined to. I can't stop thinking about you, and I can't stop thinking about how much of a fucked up first impression I made on you, and having you remind me of it every time we meet has been torture. Like twisting the knife I've already stabbed myself with. I have no idea either how you will ever want to pursue something after having your values shattered, but... I'm here. For whatever you want, or need, I'm here."
Jess shook her head slowly. "Can't you see? I wasn't angry at you. I was angry at myself for... for wanting you," she revealed in barely more than a whisper, but she held his gaze and didn't look away, even if she wanted to bolt at the confession.
Phillipe's eyebrows went up before he frowned, searching her eyes as he tried to understand what she meant. "Angry... at yourself. I didn't ever consider the fact that you did want me. You were so adamant at not wanting me." He wet his lips. "Can I kiss you?"
"I didn't want you!" Jess tried to elaborate. "I didn't want to want you," she quickly corrected, though. "I didn't want to want anyone. I didn't want to need anyone." She was at risk of rambling, struggling to get her own head around her point, let alone hope anyone else would manage it. Her brain wasn't a clear place a lot of the time, it wasn't fair to expect someone to just get what she meant if she kept rambling about it enough. That usually just made it worse. But his next words took her by surprise and cut the rambling off. For a moment she just stared at him, her eyes still damp from the tears and she swallowed, trying to take a moment to decide how she felt about that. But her heart overtook her head and she bit on her lower lip, nodding. She might be fighting to be an independent woman, but inside, she was still a girl who wanted a relationship like everyone else did.
A smile tugged at the corner of his lips, but he didn't give into it. Phillipe cupped her cheek as he leaned in closer and brushed his nose gently against hers before he kissed her softly. He could taste the salt of her tears, and he just wanted to kiss it all better for her. Even under the tears though she still tasted amazing. She tasted soft, and sweet, and better than he imagined. He let the kiss linger for a moment before he pulled away only to rest his forehead against hers. "Merci."
Word Count | 4,100
Typical, that when it rained it fucking poured. It just sucked extensively when that was literal and not metaphorical. London weather was so unpredictable. When Jess first made it out of the Hunt & Associates building after the horrible confrontation with Stuart's big brother, the sun was shining. By the time she walked a few blocks to try and unsuccessfully clear her head, it was pouring and she was soaked from head to toe. At least with the pouring rain, no one could really see the tears of frustration on her face. Before she knew it, she had walked all the way in wet heels and a wet, expensive suit to Williamson Kent Pharmacueticals, finding herself staring up at the looming building with her still auburn hair plastered to her face. She had come here automatically, though something subconscious had drawn her here. She knew exactly what it was, too.
Wiping at her face with her hands, she went over to the sprawling marble reception desk to the receptionist with her telephone headset on. She sniffled back some tears, fighting the urge to just stand there like a kid and just sob messily and extensively. Her voice was hoarse when she spoke and rested her hands on the top of the desk, trying to keep some sort of professional... something. She was failing miserably. "Can you please page Phillipe Chevalier?" she found coming out of her mouth with a small sob that she cut off. "It's important," she added, as if a crazy wet crying woman standing there asking to see a multimillionaire on a whim wasn't enough. Crazy Stalker Mask much?
Phillipe was locked in his office, growling at anyone that came near the door to fuck off. He was deep in the middle of rewriting a huge bit of code that had been found to cause a crash during testing. He was surrounded by coffee mugs, and the empty wrappers of junk food. He was also pacing in front of the large office window coming close to digging his hair out of his scalp in frustration. He knew there was something wrong with the coding but after staring at it for hours he just couldn't figure it out. Reading over code was like reading over an essay - once you started to proof it, you just saw whatever you had originally intended. It was impossible to pick up your own mistakes unless you were willing to see them.
He'd fixed a few mistakes but they weren't the right ones. His phone beeped and he growled again before stalking over the desk and digging under the crisp packets and chocolate wrappers to find the speaker button and cursed in French loudly, and repeatedly. His assistant took it in her stride and just said that there was a Jessica Morgan waiting down in the lobby for him. He blinked, and raised a hand to rub his fingers against his stubble. He hadn't shaved in a couple of days and it was definitely showing.
The fact that he probably looked like shit didn't stop him from bolting out of the office though and heading straight for the lift. He punched the button repeatedly, but the lift wasn't going to go quicker just because he wanted it to. Even when he'd stepped inside it he was getting frustrated with how slow it seemed to be moving. By the time he did reach the lobby his mood didn't seem to have improved, not until he clapped eyes on the sodden Jess. "Mon dieu, mon amour. You'll catch you death like this." His features softened as touched his fingers to her cheek and tried to brush away some of the dampness. His features had softened as he looked her over, but his brow soon creased with concern. He didn't have to be a genius to see that she was upset. He slipped an arm around her shoulders and hugged her close as he guided her back towards the lifts. "What's wrong?"
"I hate rich people!" Jess declared through another sob, giving him a small, yet weak, shove in the shoulder just because the frustration needed to be catered to on some level. But she only proceeded to bury her face in his shoulder and cling to him like her life depended on it. Maybe it did. Right now, she knew she couldn't turn to her boss. She couldn't turn to her family because it was Liam, she couldn't turn to Ethan because he was Tom's best friend. Everything was up the shit. She had let slip to Stuart's brother, of all people, what she had just witnessed and he was now probably running straight to Stuart to tell him. And rightly so. She couldn't believe it. "I hate brothers, too!" she soon added, the only thing she could seem to feel right now was devastated. She trusted Tom so much, and now he was balls deep in her little brother's mouth. What the hell was she supposed to think?
Phillipe didn't know what to say to the rich people comment, but he hugged her tighter when she buried her face against him. He rubbed her back soothingly and pressed the call button for the lift. Something was really bothering her and all Phillipe wanted to do was help, he just had no idea what to do. All he could do was be there for her while she fell apart. He was trying not to feel too pleased at the fact that she'd come to him. He did smile just a little before he kissed the top of her wet head. "I'll try not to take too much offence seeing as how I am a brother and a rich person. You can shove me some more if it will help, Jess. Just tell me what you need."
"Not your brother! My brother! Men! Anything with a cock!" Jess said helplessly, trying to get her point across. It was just a useless effort when the poor guy had no idea what she was on about, or probably why she was even there. Why was she there? She didn't even know why she was there and once they got into the elevator, the tears just started to fall heavily and she put her hands over her face to try and stop them. It wasn't even her problem or her fuck up, but it felt like it was. The guilt burned through her for telling Angus, too. "Oh god, I told him! He just... I just... I shouldn't have said anything! No one would get hurt then, right?"
Phillipe stared at her, not sure what he was supposed to say to that, either. He was a man with a cock. A very nice cock, and all he wanted was for Jess to appreciate it. This just wasn't the moment. He wrapped her up in a hug again, not caring about her soaking his t-shirt. He desperately wanted a towel to get her dry but it just wasn't going to happen. Although as they were heading up to his floor, he got his mobile out and rang his assistant to get her to at least find some paper towel. He went back to rubbing Jess' back as he watched her. "You're hurt," he told her quietly. "Maybe no one else would be hurting, but you would be. And you are."
Jess suddenly found herself hoping to all hell they didn't run into Ethan. If they did, she might just throw up all over him by default of who he was. "Stuart is about to get a lot more hurt than I am," she told him quietly and sucked in a small breath when she imagined Angus sitting his brother down and revealing the news. She put her hand over her face again, feeling terrible for him. "I trusted him. He was what I wanted to be, just like him. He had it all, but even beyond that, he was just... amazing at what he did. He had it together. That's my baby brother! My brother!" she cried when she started to get angry and frustrated again.
"He..." Phillipe frowned as he started to put the pieces together. Little things she said started to click into place and he felt his stomach sink. "Tom? What's he done? What's your brother got to--Non, non... He wouldn't. He wouldn't hurt Stuart like that. They're getting married. They're meant to be. They were set. I don't understand."
"He was sucking Tom's cock!" Jess exploded, right as the elevator doors swung open onto the floor that was evidently Phillipe's. Everyone in hearing distance would have caught it and for a moment, she just stared out into the office floor, stunned, blinking as a deep red colour crept up into her face.
Phillipe was still getting over the shock of her explosive words himself, but he had enough brain power left to realise he needed to move Jess through the office quickly. His arm snaked around her waist possessively like he was quietly daring anyone to judge her, and he moved them both through the desks and workers quickly until they hit his office. His assistant handed him a towel she'd managed to find as they past, and he snatched it off her with a brief nod before slamming the door behind him and Jess and flicking the lock on it. He still didn't say anything as he started to rub her over with the towel, working on getting her dry.
Jess just let herself be tugged along by him, keeping her mouth clamped closed. Even in the safety of his office with the door locked, she still couldn't say anything. She was worried if she opened her mouth, she would throw up. She felt like she wanted to, the tension and anxiety in her gut getting too much to bear. She was numb, and she was cold, but it had nothing to do with the rain, although that wasn't helping. She didn't know anyone in Phillipe's office, had no reason to care what they thought of her, but suddenly that was a crushing worry too. So much in her life she just worried too much about, mostly bordering on impressions in a world she wasn't used to. Her little brother on his knees between Tom's legs was just one of those things, but it was going to hurt Stuart, who had done nothing but love Tom unconditionally and take care of him when he nearly lost his life, took time off work to nurse him back to health. She reached out to try and hold herself up on the edge of his desk, but it wasn't enough and she soon sunk down against it until she was sitting on the floor in a wet, miserable mess. "I told Stuart's brother."
Phillipe followed her down to the floor and draped the towel over the back of her shoulders as he sat next to her, still holding her close. He reached behind himself to grab the waste bin, and tipped out the contents before offering it to her in case she was going to throw up. It was okay if she did. She might even feel better for it. He wasn't going anywhere. He wanted a drink. Or maybe he needed to throw up as well. It was hard to believe this of Tom, even if he had been a gay man whore. And Jess' little brother? He remembered him from the party, and was struggling to believe anyone related to Jess was stupid enough to start something with Tom. Not when the lawyer was newly engaged, and certainly not at his office. Still, Jess had seen it with her own eyes and now Phillipe had little choice but to believe. "I'd ask which one, but I think they'll all kill Tom. And your little brother."
The scene was playing over and over in her mind as she tried to find even just a small way to justify it. There was nothing. For one, there was no explanation why Liam would be there that afternoon, let alone why he was in Tom's office with the door closed. He hadn't even stopped in on Jess, and he was her brother. But she wouldn't be here in this mess if Liam had just been in Tom's office like any other client, would she? He wasn't just in the fucking office. He was in the office, on his knees between Tom's legs. There was no other damn way to justify this, or explain it. Tom used to be a player, Liam was one. She had never been one, she didn't know how they acted or what they believed they could get away with. All she could think about was Stuart and how hurt he was going to be, but also how betrayed she felt by her boss and her brother. She was also scared for her little brother now, she wanted to protect him just like Angus predicted, but she also wanted to scream at him for being so fucking stupid and selfish. She was so upset, it felt like she wouldn't ever be able to stop the tears, and she took the trash can, if only to give her something to do with her hands. Her stomach was in a tightly curled knot of anxiety to the point it was painful. "Angus. The middle one. He was there for an appointment with Tom, only now I doubt that'll happen. He needs to be able to trust someone... only trusted him because Stuart did..." More tears spilled over helplessly. "I'm sorry. This is... you must be busy. You don't need me crashing in on you."
Phillipe pulled her head against his shoulder and rest his cheek on the top of her head. He gave her a gentle squeeze as he exhaled slowly. He hadn't even seen anything, but his imagination was feeding him images he could have done without. He had nothing but admiration for Jess, even if she was falling apart in his arms. He couldn't blame her, not when she'd caught her brother with her boss. "I've never doubted Tom's professional integrity, but I'm fairly certain Angus would never be able to trust him again. He's the one with the little daughter, oui? Tom was helping him with the custody. He would have been the best." Phillipe shifted, and leaned forward to catch her eye. "Don't apologise. I will never be too busy for you, cherie."
Jess nodded miserably, more than glad to have him there with her right then. She wasn't sure what she would be doing right now if he wasn't. "He needed Tom. Just because Tom is... is..." She waved her hand, any appropriate words failing her now. "Doesn't mean he isn't one of the best lawyers. He is. Angus' wife is bordering on trying to fuck him over, too, and now is the time that it all needs to go down. Only it's Liam going down, isn't it?" she bit out and tried to keep a hold of her compsure. She wiped at her cheeks again with her fingers and tried to swallow back the urge to just sit there and cry. "I have to apologise. I owe it to you... only, not for this. For something else."
He rubbed at his stubble briefly before he started to tuck some of her hair behind her ear. He remembered the no touching rule, but he couldn't help himself. She needed the comfort and he wanted to give it to her anyway he could. "Are you going to speak with your brother? Are you even going to speak with Tom? He's your boss. If you don't have it out with either of them then you will get a ball of anger in your gut that will start to eat you alive. You don't need to do it now, but soon. You could... stay at my place if you don't want to go home. Julien and I will take care of you." Phillipe offered her a smile before he arched an eyebrow. "For something else? What something else?"
"If I look either of them in the face right now, I will do and say something I regret extensively. This is not my problem, I got caught in the crossfire. If I wanted to be involved, I would be over there telling Stuart exactly what I saw, but I don't think I can even face him. It's not my place to break his heart, it's Tom's. I wasn't sure I believed in hate, but I think I'm close right now. How could he do this to Stuart? How can someone who shares my blood be just so indifferent to someone else's feelings? Deep feelings, love? That's not fucking Liam's place to be! Maybe before, I don't know. Before Stuart was even in the picture. Tom was single then, he didn't have a care in the world. I just want to hurt them both!" Jess clenched her fists and closed her eyes to exhale heavily. "I just... I... misjudged you, and I'm sorry. But I feel like I'm in this world fighting against all these strong male forces, and it's a battle that some days just takes it toll. I can just see right now that there are worse things you could've done than just try and hit on me. Not that I appreciate it! Okay? Just so we're straight there. I didn't appreciate it. It went against all my values and I wanted to smack you for that. But I hope that it wasn't really what you're like."
Phillipe cleared his throat, and wasn't sure whether he should be offended or not. He understood that she hadn't appreciated being hit on. He really had fucked up with that. What he had hoped was that she would see he was different by now. He pushed his personal feelings aside though and just kissed the top of her head. "I'm not trying to fight you, Ms Morgan. I never meant to make you feel as if I was. I should be the one apologising again. Perhaps one day you will see it's not who I am." He rubbed his hand against her arm. "Do you want me to take you home?"
Jess grabbed his hand as her eyes filled with tears again. She squeezed it tight, to the point it was probably a little painful and looked at him helplessly. "Today is that day. Can't you see what I'm saying?" she asked in frustration. "I need you to understand what I'm trying to say here. I get terrified that I'm never going to be enough, and that I won't have a hope in hell. I wanted to be like him, you know. I wanted to be just as successful, even if I was a girl. I could do it, if I worked hard enough and didn't take any shit off anyone. But I... how is that anything to live up to now? He was one guy I thought I could trust, one that wouldn't take advantage of me because I had tits. I wanted to know you were like that too, but I didn't have a whole lot to go on, did I? I just don't know what to think. Because it's all screwed up now, you're just going to think I'm here clutching at straws because of what happened, but it's not... and I don't even know what the fuck I'm saying anymore!"
He looked down at her hand clutching at his, and didn't try to pull out of the hold. She was doing a pretty good job of crushing it, but he didn't care. As long as she was here, he really didn't care about anything else. He gave a slow nod to show that he did understand what she was saying. "You underestimate yourself, cherie. You're more amazing than you can see, and the truth is, no man will ever be good enough for you. Not until you find what you're looking for. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to be that. I know it's not in vogue to feel protective of a woman anymore, but I do of you. My heart aches seeing you like this. I just want to take your pain away."
"I'm sorry," Jess said tearfully, holding his gaze sadly. "I screwed up. I just didn't want you to take advantage of me. I don't want that. I want... to fall in love, and feel all those things in equal. I see what Ethan did to try and win Sophie over, and I want to mean that much to some guy. But I want him to mean just as much to me. Hell, maybe sometimes I even want to buy him flowers or gifts just because I'm thinking about him. I just didn't ever know if that could exist, and I'm wondering even more now after what I just saw. I thought Tom and Stuart had it going on, you know? They weren't conventional, a cop and a lawyer. But they seemed to have the right formula. Now I'm not sure I'll ever be able to look Tom in the face again. I don't understand how anyone can cheat on someone they profess to love unconditionally."
"Stop apologising," Phillipe told her softly. His own eyes welled up and he pressed his lips together so he didn't give into the lump that had grown in his throat. "You mean that much to me. You really do. I just... I didn't want to go with jewellery and flowers in case you thought I was being a jerk again. I tried unconventional and I think that just made you madder. One of these days I'll figure out something to give you that will sweep you off your feet. I'm determined to. I can't stop thinking about you, and I can't stop thinking about how much of a fucked up first impression I made on you, and having you remind me of it every time we meet has been torture. Like twisting the knife I've already stabbed myself with. I have no idea either how you will ever want to pursue something after having your values shattered, but... I'm here. For whatever you want, or need, I'm here."
Jess shook her head slowly. "Can't you see? I wasn't angry at you. I was angry at myself for... for wanting you," she revealed in barely more than a whisper, but she held his gaze and didn't look away, even if she wanted to bolt at the confession.
Phillipe's eyebrows went up before he frowned, searching her eyes as he tried to understand what she meant. "Angry... at yourself. I didn't ever consider the fact that you did want me. You were so adamant at not wanting me." He wet his lips. "Can I kiss you?"
"I didn't want you!" Jess tried to elaborate. "I didn't want to want you," she quickly corrected, though. "I didn't want to want anyone. I didn't want to need anyone." She was at risk of rambling, struggling to get her own head around her point, let alone hope anyone else would manage it. Her brain wasn't a clear place a lot of the time, it wasn't fair to expect someone to just get what she meant if she kept rambling about it enough. That usually just made it worse. But his next words took her by surprise and cut the rambling off. For a moment she just stared at him, her eyes still damp from the tears and she swallowed, trying to take a moment to decide how she felt about that. But her heart overtook her head and she bit on her lower lip, nodding. She might be fighting to be an independent woman, but inside, she was still a girl who wanted a relationship like everyone else did.
A smile tugged at the corner of his lips, but he didn't give into it. Phillipe cupped her cheek as he leaned in closer and brushed his nose gently against hers before he kissed her softly. He could taste the salt of her tears, and he just wanted to kiss it all better for her. Even under the tears though she still tasted amazing. She tasted soft, and sweet, and better than he imagined. He let the kiss linger for a moment before he pulled away only to rest his forehead against hers. "Merci."
Word Count | 4,100