I'm tired. I'm hurt, I'm insulted. I want to cry but I can't; the tears refuse to fall. I don't want to talk to anyone else, I don't want to see anyone else. I want to wake up and realise that this is not my life but some horrible nightmare. How do people live with feelings like this? How do they push themselves to wake up every morning? I guess ( Read more... )

I miss him. I hate my life, I hate that no one fucking cares. I'm tired. I've started cutting again, I hate pretending to be something I'm not.

I lost four lbs this week. He doesn't notice yet but he will. My goal: 118lbs by Aug 11 though 115lbs would be a blessing

Last week I read "Slim to None: a Journay through the Wasteland of Anorexia Treatment " by Jennifer Hendricks. Essentially on cronicles the experience of Jennifer Hendricks through the private health care system and their attempt to treat her Anorexia in the eighties and early nineties which ultimately failed. The problem is, though the title is ( Read more... )

Last night my bf and I got into a tiff. I comlained about my weight gain and he replie that I either start going back to the gym or learn to live with it. We had just finished discussing the reasons why this is an impossibly. I love the gym, I could and have lived at the gym. But Managing a business leaves little time or energy for other persuits. ( Read more... )

I was sitting in my room, alone, as usual, and thinking, thinking about cutting. I thought abbout how easy it would be to cut, just two one on each wrist, an I could just fade away from this exsistence.

Until Yesterday I hadn't purged in months. Sunday afternoon I tried on pants I bought two months ago, they didn't fit. Then my BF suggested we go for indian food, how could I say no? I'm sitting there sipping my water because indian food is way too spicy and then it came to me: I drank an entire pitcher of water, I could purge no problem. I stopped ( Read more... )

Made no progress at all since the last time I posted, I gain and loose the same five or so pounds every week. My clothes are tight and I hate it ( Read more... )

I have finally made progress and this time I am going to record it ( Read more... )

I am drunk ( Read more... )