Fic: I can't means I love you [John/Rodney - PG]
I can't means I love you
John begins walking around the camp. His watch will be over in half an hour, but he is little restless. It is only one week since Rodney returned from Earth. John thought that everything would be fine, but he was apparently wrong. Being with Rodney is a little awkward now. From time to time John sees that Rodney is watching him. Sometimes with thoughtful looks, sometimes with something completely different that John can’t decipher.
He sighs. He knows what he did, can’t just make it disappear from their lives. Not now, maybe never. He just didn’t think then. Rodney’s tearful eyes were everything he could see. Please… John… I can’t lose her… John.
“Sheppard?”
John is jerked out of his thoughts.
“Rodney.”
He hadn’t heard him coming. If Rodney had been an enemy… John doesn’t want to think about it.
“What are you doing here?” he asks. “You could sleep for another ten minutes.”
“I want to talk.”
John frowns.
“About what?”
Rodney is fidgeting and looking down.
“Rodney?” John encourages him softly.
“Why did you do that?” he blurts out.
John needn’t ask what Rodney thinks. He knows. But he also can’t answer him. Just as he couldn’t tell him on Earth.
“Rodney, I really don’t want to talk about it. We already solved it.”
“No, we didn’t,” Rodney says sharply. “You just… told me that you hadn’t done anything. That you just presented the situation. Okay, maybe you did just that. But why? Why did you go to him? And don’t tell me he deserved it.”
“I already told you, McKay, I don’t want to talk about it. So just drop it!” John looks down at his watch and then looks at McKay. “It’s your turn now. Good night.”
But Rodney catches his arm and stops him. John bites his lower lip and tries to avoid Rodney’s eyes.
“I’m sorry,” says Rodney. “I didn’t mean…”
“It’s okay, Rodney,” he says, looks up and sees Rodney’s hurt expression. For a moment John closes his eyes. He can’t bear this. He opens his mouth, but Rodney speaks up first.
“No, it’s not. I didn’t know that you… I didn’t know, okay?”
John watches him with confusion.
“Didn’t know what?” he asks stupidly.
Rodney shrugs and steps back, his hand leaves John’s arm. John immediately misses it.
“Rodney?”
“If you don’t know, maybe I am wrong. But I don’t think so. You know genius here.”
John rolls his eyes.
“And what is your genius telling you?”
Rodney shrugs again. John arches his eyebrows.
“Perhaps you could tell me.” Rodney watches him with expectation.
John drops his eyes and says: “I can’t.” And Rodney puts his hand on John’s shoulder, squeezes lightly and pushes him gently towards the tents.
“Go to sleep, John.”
next piece I can pretend