[Private to Kilroy.]

You two kind of restored my faith in the universe. And it was a really awesome party. Thanks.

But you don't have to be sick to ask for chicken soup, so don't be a stranger man.

PS, hope you like the watches. I had to deal with a shit ton of hipsters to find those things, but it was all worth it.

[Private to May.]So this is ( Read more... )

[Written in big, bold sharpie, immediately following this.]

EASY RAUB IS A FUCKING PEDOPHILE CREEPER.

They're already selling "Client #9" t-shirts. And by they I mean the internet.

So what's your going rate?

Because I'm not getting at the magic chalkboard any time soon, and I need some things answered.

I'm really sorryAre you okay?You didn't need to flee

Hey. Did you get back okay?

[Private to Anser.]

[After this.]

What the fuck. You said you handled it. Is this what you call fucking handled? Is this a joke to you?

[Private to Patricia.]

I really need to talk to you. Do you have time? Now.

Oh God, intelligence. My faith in mankind has been restored.

Well, not mankind really. But my faith that by some biological fluke decent, caring individuals can emerge from what is otherwise a primordial sea of shit.

I'm not even being sarcastic. Honestly I feel a lot better.

[Carefully written out:] Read more... )

[Private to: Cassandra, Cordelia, Eddy, John, Athan, Casey, Eleanor, Pearl, Bob, Rita, Kelly, Irma, Isabel, Jess, Nate, Skip (against her better judgment), Malachi, Theo, Erin, Max, Richie, Allison, Kilroy, May, Anne, Noah, and probably I missed some people.]Hey, any vaguely responsible human beings want a kitten? Henry's cat Emerson is knocked up ( Read more... )

I hurt in my whole body. If my PT says it's "good pain" one more time I'm going to fucking - ugh I can't even punch him in the face it hurts too muchOh well, Pearl was super awesome this Saturday so sucks for you guys that missed it. Thanks to her I'm also a proud gym member or someshit ( Read more... )

Hey boys and girls, just a head's up that I'm super busy this weekend and will not be checking the Compendium, nor answering your trifling concerns at the office. Research to do, people to find, not to mention I'm meeting my personal trainer and if he's worth what I'm paying him I'll be dead ( Read more... )