Even when you were in a relationship things never really looked ideal, there was a lot of distrust (I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who goes through my mail, tbh) and other issues (I also wouldn't want to seriously consider building a future with someone who doesn't really seem to have their act together financially).
The fact that she rebounded and is still in that relationship tells you everything you need to know, I think, especially since your relationship always had its ups and downs.
Try and focus your energy on letting go and opening yourself up to someone new.
I agree with this. Also, the way I've interpreted what you've written here, it seemed like you are focusing so much on Michelle and what she might do/say/think/feel that you could be focusing less on what YOU do/say/think/feel, and that's counter productive for healing.
My biggest suggestion is, if you do come back to the states, find a good therapist. Work on YOU. Talk to a professional about your relationships, your desire to move on, your own personal goals and dreams.
In short, don't make your life about someone else. That's giving so much of your power away, and you deserve better.
Thank you for your response. I think you're right. I've always put myself last, especially in a relationship and that is one of my biggest goals for myself when I go home is to make myself a priority. I am going to take a LOT of ME time when I go home and get really involved in exercise and fitness to channel out negative emotions and energies. People say change happens from the inside out... but what about the outside IN? A lot of people in my life right now have taken a strong interest in their physical fitness and it has done wonders for their mental fitness. If I continue to not have contact with her when I get back and avoid places I know she goes, and just focus on my own needs, I think in time, I can move on and forget. But being stuck in a sort of time warp (at least that's how it feels) I just can't seem to let her go
( ... )
Thank you so much for your advice. In my mind, I agree with you completely. But for some reason, my heart won't let her go. I hope that when I fly home Saturday, that I can start to put her behind me.
Oh good lord, the biggest service this girl did you was hooking up with someone else. Let's see, she essentially refused to work or go to school (or quit absolutely anything she started) and you being unhappy about this is apparently some kind of evil wanting to "change her" (into what? adult responsibility?), she "forgives and forgets" your one flirting lapse but calls you incessantly and makes it clear she doesn't trust you, she goes through your email, she's suspicious of you but doesn't tell you for months (or at all if you found out yourself) that she's no longer an online student, she dumps you and doesn't even bother informing you until you call her...and you're still mooning after her? Man, she must be a master manipulator, or the best thing in bed since God created woman.
Put your money aside and invest in a good therapist when you get home. I don't think she's the one with self esteem issues.
I am deep in a depression, but I wanted to tell you that your comment really made me laugh. It is quite true that after seeing what you've pointed out that I know that there are some major problems here with me in terms of letting go and I know that my self esteem is tanked. I already have plans to meet with a therapist when I go home. There's a lot more going on than what I've written here, but thanks for your insight.
And yes, the relationship was hard to let go partly because she was SO AMAZING in bed... :(
I went through a similar thing, where I broke up with an ex, and immediately left for Asia, and lived there for two years. A lot of it was to get over her, to get away from everything, and just forget. I kept telling myself I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do, what I wanted for my future, what my interests were, I forced myself to stop thinking of her
( ... )
This trip to Korea was important to you yes? How's that going (the work aspect, the discovering a new country). It's been a dream of yours, now is the time to focus on it! Enjoy new things, meet people. Volunteer somewhere. Immerse yourself in the novelty of it all. Why? because this is something you wanted to do FOR YOU. What happened is past. You really only have today and if you spend it thinking about something that can't be, it's gone... never to be repeated.
As for reuniting with her. Sure, things happen. But for now, she's working through her own things and trying to figure out who she is. Sounds like when you were together she was majorly STUCK and didn't know how to move forward, maybe this current relationship will help her to do that.
I just feel like loving someone isn't dependent on them loving you back. You're free to LOVE whomever you love. Just as they're free to not return that love. Feel about her any way that you do, but continue to LIVE YOUR LIFE. Enjoy your time in Korea. Let the Michelle thing alone for now.
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Even when you were in a relationship things never really looked ideal, there was a lot of distrust (I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who goes through my mail, tbh) and other issues (I also wouldn't want to seriously consider building a future with someone who doesn't really seem to have their act together financially).
The fact that she rebounded and is still in that relationship tells you everything you need to know, I think, especially since your relationship always had its ups and downs.
Try and focus your energy on letting go and opening yourself up to someone new.
Good luck! x
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My biggest suggestion is, if you do come back to the states, find a good therapist. Work on YOU. Talk to a professional about your relationships, your desire to move on, your own personal goals and dreams.
In short, don't make your life about someone else. That's giving so much of your power away, and you deserve better.
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Put your money aside and invest in a good therapist when you get home. I don't think she's the one with self esteem issues.
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And yes, the relationship was hard to let go partly because she was SO AMAZING in bed... :(
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As for reuniting with her. Sure, things happen. But for now, she's working through her own things and trying to figure out who she is. Sounds like when you were together she was majorly STUCK and didn't know how to move forward, maybe this current relationship will help her to do that.
I just feel like loving someone isn't dependent on them loving you back. You're free to LOVE whomever you love. Just as they're free to not return that love. Feel about her any way that you do, but continue to LIVE YOUR LIFE.
Enjoy your time in Korea. Let the Michelle thing alone for now.
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