The complete absence of color. If I can't remember my name, I can't remember pain. Disconnect from discontent. This is an experience. This is real insecurity, real concern. My mind is on nothing else. How fast it all moves, one blink and you're in a different world. A world that is better, a world that is real.

Down I go.

My song, my drink, and I sit in the dark. We talk about the weather and how the sun came out today. I sit up and toast to what was there, and to what could never be. Just close the eyes and thrust my arm into empty space. Drink spills and song quiets, but I'm still here. Alone in a place where no one can find me.

Tonight I danced in the kitchen in my underwear and I didn't even care who was watching. The house could have burned around me and it wouldn't have made a difference. Four walls don't have to hold me up, just my feet dancing and moving. It all can burn.

Finally, I am myself.

And Shannon I miss you.

Here I go. Down the rabbit hole. Boring reference, but the sentiment is real. Burying my face away from the lights and the noise. Trying to define myself as lost before anything else. Just lost. Perfect, enlightening spark--the perfect word. Lost. Nowhere to go, nowhere to be. Just going away, strolling onto the road, walking away from the ( Read more... )

I live life in constant contrast ( Read more... )

Inspiration through a cold medium.

that day we were in berkeley, we should have spent in san francisco.

can't have a bad time in this city. you?

can't have a bad time.

we're lesser versions of our old, heartless selves.

and how happy it makes us...

silly, silly us.

we're getting old, you know.

Thank you Shannon.

I haven't worn underwear for the past four days, nor have I shaved, and really I enjoy protesting showers more than taking them.

And then I did laundry, and have underwear again. Hallelujah.

I imagine that Jason is anxiously awaiting my return.

So I say to myself--what time better than 12:19 on a Saturday morning to write a little memoir of this summer? Then I reply to myself--no time, I say, no time ( Read more... )

angermakesmewrite ( Read more... )