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Talks about being a survivor...and it may be triggering for some people who can read it
Something that's been on my mind recently and I don't think many people will agree with me and I'm sorry ( Read more... ) -
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I've been fighting with myself since about 6:30am yesterday morning to b/p, go to the gym, and restrict. I haven't done any of it. I've pulled my head out of the toilet twice without actually giving in and walked away. I did binge a bit (:() but I'm trying to be okay with it. Actually, I'm not okay with it, but I'm trying to not kill myself over it ( Read more... ) -
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I want to binge and purge and binge and purge and binge and purge until I pass out. I want to binge on macaroni and cheese, cake, cake, more cake, cookies, and icecream...I want to purge so fucking bad. I don't even fucking know why. I'm not stressed. I'm not anxious. I physically need to do it. I have to. It's been over a week. It's okay. I can't ( Read more... ) -
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I hate being fat. I hate hate hate hate it. I love working out and feeling strong, but I hate being fat. And that's not going to change no matter what I do. And I hate my skin. I hate how it's turned to complete shit lately, and that every single bit of stress shows on my face. Fucking, a woman I work with today asked me "what's wrong with your ( Read more... ) -
It was just a dream...
I had really fucking bizarre dreams last night. I really need to find my journal in my room so I can go back to writing there instead of here. But somehow I started off playing with trucks, then I was behind a school singing a country song (Redneck Woman by Gretchen Wilson?) and it was the beginning of an NCIS episode (or so I thought) but then it ( Read more... ) -
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So I've been thinking a lot...shocking I know. But the idea of recovery...it's been on my mind a lot recently (clearly because I'm attempting recovery and because of my major stumbling blocks I've been dealing with over the last couple of weeks). But tonight for some reason I was like fuck it, I'm just going to purge until I die...when this morning ( Read more... ) -
Plan for Day 2.
EAT breakfast ( Read more... ) -
Plan for today
EAT breakfast
Shower.
Wear something that makes me feel pretty/confident.
Go to work.
Take a break and EAT lunch.
Finish work.
Go grocery shopping and buy enough food and healthy food.
Go home.
EAT dinner.
Do DBT work for tomorrow.
Clean up my room.
Go to bed.
I see absolutely NO ROOM for cutting and bingeing and purging. That is not an option today. That is ( Read more... ) -
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