Comments | lethrdadchicago: Of bar mitzvahs, ex-wives, and self-centeredness....

lethrdadchicago

Of bar mitzvahs, ex-wives, and self-centeredness....

Feb 19, 2008 13:09

OK, this will be a relatively brief one, but I have some advice to seek from my sage LJ friends. This morning I was woken up by a phone call from my ex-wife, never my choice for the way to start a day. It seems that the latest trend among technologically savvy bar mitzvah boys (and bat mitzvah girls, I suppose, seeing as my being a Catholic boy I ( Read more... )

ex-wives, dilemma, bars mitzva

Comments 33

spatts5 February 19 2008, 21:03:38 UTC

How long would it take you to make a presentation? Maybe you could do one showing all your son's talents and interests and then show it to him and let him decide which one he wants for HIS bar mitzvah.

lethrdadchicago February 19 2008, 23:55:25 UTC

Tempting, tempting, but as I said to brchase above, boatrocking of that magnitude would be very unwise. We lead very tenuously balanced lives here at Chez BobJim. Not because of fear, oh no, the ex- is a bee-atch but that's not new news. A few years ago, at my son's therapist's advice, I mostly cut off communication with her and finally told her that I would no longer cater to her every whim, which ENFURIATED her to no end. She no longer comes to every single occasion and holiday with my family, as she did for so many years after she and I were divorced. But my son still wants to make everyone around him happy, and he can't stand to feel as though he is the cause of any discord...and undue stress, as I also mentioned, could hospitalize him.

spatts5 February 20 2008, 00:35:38 UTC

Sorry to hear this is causing you stress. Hope you find a solution that works for all.

lethrdadchicago February 20 2008, 02:12:37 UTC

Thanks much. I can take the stress, it's his stress that I worry about. Appreciate your concern. We will work it out, somehow.

(The comment has been removed)

lethrdadchicago February 20 2008, 00:05:24 UTC

Ah, yes. Would that there had not already been an entire season of these events, many of which my son has attended (albeit awkwardly and painfully.)

Would that my son had not been groomed by his mother for this event since birth.

Would that he had not already been hospitalized once in December over the stress related to preparing for this event.

Would that PowerPoint were never invented (or that Bill Gates were never born as long as we're really going for it.)

Would that keeping up with the Joneses or the Schwartzes or whomever were not the norm in Oak Park and River Forest and the surrounding areas when it comes to these events.

And would that it were March 9, the day after the event.

shirtlifterbear February 19 2008, 22:12:28 UTC

Tell the wife, "There's a lot about you in HIS slideshow, isn't there? Can we make the show just about him on HIS DAY?"

lethrdadchicago February 20 2008, 02:10:52 UTC

The fairness approach? Unfortunately, she would hit the roof and raise holy hell. She does not have a perspective on her own self-centeredness, as it has been a long-standing issue with her and me and she would simply accuse me of bias and ignore me. She would then proceed to call all of her friends and my family and complain about what I had just done. She is the ultimate victim, starting from when I left her ten years ago when I came out of the closet and proceeding each and every day since then. Complex situation.

Bar Mitzvah oceanlux February 19 2008, 22:24:26 UTC

Having had a Bar Mitvah, and having attended many a Bar Mitzvah, and loving the fact that I am Jewish, the idea of doing a presentation should be his choice, (i.e. does he even want one,) and if he does want one, the presentation should be within a reasonable time frame, (five to ten minutes,) and contain content entirely of his choosing, (unless he makes some inappropriate choices, and a parent does need to step in).

Just my opinion.......

Re: Bar Mitzvah lethrdadchicago February 20 2008, 02:33:04 UTC

Thanks for your perspective, my friend. I know that he wants to do one, and that he wants to make it impressive. The rest, we shall see, as I said in my response to bearlyjoe below. Stay tuned, hopefully we can cut it down and make it work!

cellboy February 19 2008, 23:01:28 UTC

1. It's his choice.
2. Can you make one also, and let him choose, without pressure, which one he likes?
3. Have a tequila, call your ex. Tell her it stinks.

lethrdadchicago February 20 2008, 02:39:40 UTC

Thanks, bud. As you can see from the other answers that I have written, our situation is a very complex one. We, he and I and all of those in our situation, have a very tricky balance to strike. No, I can't start over again, but hopefully I can make the one that is already started workable. It does stink, and I will probably have a bourbon later. And not call her.