Of bar mitzvahs, ex-wives, and self-centeredness....

[lethrdadchicago]

OK, this will be a relatively brief one, but I have some advice to seek from my sage LJ friends. This morning I was woken up by a phone call from my ex-wife, never my choice for the way to start a day. It seems that the latest trend among technologically savvy bar mitzvah boys (and bat mitzvah girls, I suppose, seeing as my being a Catholic boy I

Comments

[everinbluejeans]

You're right, that's pretty selfish. Not to mention a total downer, ugh. The kids who come to celebrate with him are probably close enough to him to not tease him to his face, but that doesn't mean it won't trickle back to school. It won't seem like a big deal to anybody but your son, y'know? Maybe change all the pictures around while you're doing the music and claim "artistic license?" Or just "lose" the disc and let him do his own thing.

The office thing is totally lame, too. She sounds like a total loon. :(

[lethrdadchicago]

She means well, but has a lot of issues left over from her own childhood. For the last 20 years, I've urged her to seek therapy so she could put them to rest. She's refused, which is why we find ourselves in situations like this one. Ultimately, I may have to seek sole custody of my kids, although that will be one battle royale and I've been hoping to avoid it for the sake of my kids. My son has had to have private bar mitzvah tutoring because the kids at Hebrew school victimized him so much because they knew if they teased him, he'd go off and run away. His mom also has a terrible temper and caused several scenes at events with parents of some of the kids, earning her a reputation as (ahem) a loon. You get the picture.

[geometrician]

I'm with the group. Your son becoming bar mitzvah is all about him and about Torah. And 89 photos? That's a family slide show, not something you offer to a room full of friends and acquaintances. If the photo does not have him in it, and especially if it is not about something he is into, then it doesn't belong. And shame on anyone for making his day about them. The breast cancer stuff does not belong.

[lethrdadchicago]

Thanks, bud. It means a lot to me that you know of whence you come, like Oceanlux, since you guys have been through this stuff. I just got off the phone with my son's therapist. Not surprisingly, her reactions were

[oceanlux]

Sounds good.....and I have seen a lot of slide shows, iMovies and Bar and Bat Mitzvahs that I have attended.....but they are kid focused, and about five minutes....usually showing the child growing up, and major life events of the kid. If done right, it can be very touching.

[mrdreamjeans]

I know this doesn't solve anything, but I think your son should hand over the slide show to his mother and tell her to use it for her own self-promotion, as that's how it's organized. It's about breast cancer awareness, not her son. He should then create a presentation that is a celebration of his life.

I wish you well ... Your son is going to be nuts if she's this inteferring in everything.

[lethrdadchicago]

Thanks for your concern, bud. What a nice fantasy! We will work something out. Neither your nor I have ever had a Jewish mother, lucky us! Oh, well...

[msclwolf]

ARGH!! dont know how I managed to miss this several days ago! Sorry dude (hugs) Sounds like a real emotional grindstone you n your son are bein put through

[lethrdadchicago]

Hey, never too late to be a friend, buddy. Things have been moving along, I'm planning to post an update today with all the new developments. He is standing up for himself in some ways but the piece is going to end up largely as it stands...the emotional upheaval that would be required to change it very much would be more harmful to him than it would be worth it. The problems that this situation indicates have been true for his whole lifetime, and we only have two weeks until the event. My job is to get him through it. Thanks, bud.