My girlfriend Zee claims that she'd like to name her first child Gertrude Solidarity. Most people think this is a terrible name, but I maintain that those people simply lack STANDARDS when it comes to terrible names ( Read more... )

I thought it would be a safe question -- one appropriate for a restaurant where the waiters run around wearing vests and the tablecloths are made of actual fabric. After all, my parents love talking about their mini-garden on the deck. They grow peppers and basil in buckets of dirt and send me e-mails full of dirt-bucket pictures and pride. ( Read more... )

We're converting our Saturday roleplaying game from the Aberrant system to a modified version of the Hero system, so I guess I'll have to use six sided dice now.


( Read more... )

“Okay,” said the guy at Urgent Care, “I'm just going to write a summary for the doctor to review when she gets in. How did you hurt your foot ( Read more... )

Madison has the best therapy center. They don't call it a therapy center though - they call it Noah's Ark and it's full of free-roaming cats. It costs money if you want to take a cat home with you, but if you leave the cats in the store you can play with them and get all the free sanity you want ( Read more... )

My coworker opened the door to her car and I caught a glimpse of the back seat ( Read more... )

It's a little hard to type with all these frogs on the table. Not real frogs. Real frogs probably would've hopped away by now. Plastic frogs are worse at jumping, but better at occupying static units of space ( Read more... )

There are a lot of tiny air bubbles just under the surface of my skin. They crackle when I poke them. It's kinda creepy, but it also makes me feel like I'd be good at protecting packages during air transit ( Read more... )

If you follow me on facebook, you probably already know about the phone call I made to Babe Lincoln yesterday. It went like this:
"Hi, is this [Babe Lincoln]? Great. Great! Hi. This is Lex. Okay, um, is your toilet paper single or double ply?"

Turns out it was double ply - I needed to know so I could glue a bunch of it to her face and torso.


( Read more... )

One of my coworkers recently joined a gym. He told me about his complimentary orientation with a personal trainer when he got to work the next day. The trainer brought a sheaf of papers to the meeting so she could track his progress, but I think she regretted it by the end. According to my coworker, their first conversation went like this:

TRAINER ( Read more... )