Rant, ahoy!

[liandriel]

As a single mother, one of the things I've heard a lot from the men I've dated is, "I don't want to compete with your son for your attention." Sometimes, they get creative with the phrasing; usually not.

But after ten years of hearing various iterations of the same thing, I have one thing to say about that:

Bullshit.

Kids require attention.

Comments

[kittles]

You nailed that one. It doesn't have to be kids, either - one guy I dated was jealous of my video games. DUDE, GET YOUR OWN HOBBIES.

[liandriel]

Someone called me a helicopter parent this morning.

My son routinely spends time alone in our apartment--an hour or so between the time he gets home from school and the time I get home from work, most of my trips to the store, a few hours when he doesn't feel like going with me to a double-header. He's old enough and responsible enough to mostly fend for himself around the apartment for a little while without burning the place down or getting into trouble.

When he falls in his roller derby scrimmages and other parents are like, "MICHAEL'S HURT!" I nearly always look over and say, "He's fine." Because I know my kid, and I can see that he's not injured.

The fact that I wouldn't abandon my eight-year-old to spend hours or days with someone who didn't want to "compete for [my] attention" doesn't make me a helicopter. It makes me a parent.

I am so sick of this bullshit.

[liandriel]

... And yes, it does apply to more than kids. You are absolutely correct. Sorry, I didn't mean to ignore your point. I'm just still pretty pissed off.

[kittles]

It's okay, I can only relate if I personalize. ;)

And I just can't see you being a helicopter parent. I've never picked up anything like that from you. And so what if you were? What would be wrong with being devoted to the upbringing of your child, really?

[lemonhd06]

That person is definitely not worthy!! Neither are the others who suggest such a thing. Obviously they don't have children or what?

Crazy!

Boy comes first, period.

[liandriel]

Ha. No. No kids.

[evelynne]

I am not a parent and this is among the stupidest things I've ever heard.

Someone like that has no business even THINKING about dating someone who is a parent. I can't believe someone would even SAY that!

Who's WhiteBuddha?

[liandriel]

He's my boyfriend, Jeff. His daughter is a few months older than Michael.

[hopefulspirit]

It shouldn't be a competition. I agree it's bullshit.

[jeffpalmatier]

Holy cow! What idiots. Then don't date somebody with a child. Duh.

[liandriel]

Exactly. Do single parents a favor.

[seekingzen]

As a former single mother - now happily married - I call bullshit on the whole "don't want to compete with your kid" thing. It doesn't get much more insecure, self-centered, and downright lame than that nonsense. People who spout that are basically saying they require all your love and attention and won't feel loved and secure if you're giving love and attention to someone else. To be so unable to see the difference between a parent-child relationship and a romantic partnership as to think it's a competition signals to me that somebody needs some serious therapy AND should never be involved with a person with kids

[liandriel]

Not being involved in my kid's life at all, dude would have no actual idea of how much freedom and independence kiddo has (nor how much kiddo HATES it, being the extrovert that he is). But clearly the fact that he's a good kid who (by and large) follows the rules is obviously a clear indication that I am RUINING HIS LIFE BY CARING TOO MUCH.

I know it's bullshit, but it still pisses me off.

[seekingzen]

I don't blame you one bit for being pissed.