I may not act it, but guess what I'm really fucking happy lately. Sure; I miss my Ashums, but her life is finally starting to fall together for her the way I've known for so long she deserves and I know when we both have the time we'll spend it on each other and be besties and discuss how amazing (with the exception of a few minor bumps) it is to ( Read more... )

I'm having a fucking meltdown right now. I really dislike it, but I am fucking suicidal as hell right now.

I slept at my brothers apartment last night. I'm sure everyone threw a damned fit when I wasn't online, but yeah. I do have a phone, and important people or people with news pertaining to important things can call it. I'm gonna go grab a really hot shower and try to stop thinking before I figure out how I plan on talking to Jayk tonight. to be ( Read more... )

Quick-notes version: Things have somehow managed to suck even more. It's even more important now that I get a job. I'm not suppose to know about this new development yet, but it's gonna be a major problem if things don't look up soon.

Ashums and I had a falling out about modeling yesterday. We cleaned it up afterwards, but it still makes my head hurt. She's right and I know it. I need to put up or shut up if I really want this (and I want it more then anything right now)because all this self-doubt and bullshit as much as I try to reign it in on camera does show in my work. It ( Read more... )

I'm feeling really shitty right now about like... everything. I haven't been this own right suicidal in so long. Everything ashums said the last time she was here and we like talked and everything really brought me back, and to be honest I guess it felt better then anything about me has felt in a long time. She's so "tied up" or whatever lately ( Read more... )

I went 115 mph on a crouch rocket tonight up med. campus. It was fucking sweet. I love adrenaline.

Piper died last night. We buried him with a baby pink rose bush on top of the grave. I cried through dad digging the hole. Maybe I shouldn't have watched, but I felt so awful not being there for him when it happened it only seemed right. When I turned on my computer to write this I scared myself...I forgot him and I set that picture from my ( Read more... )

Piper is out of the meds' his vet gave him... she said to call in and come see her when that happened, but bitch took a 3 day weekend so he's been off his meds since Friday now and he's not doin so hot. I'm super mad. He slept on me last night on my chest by my neck all curled up. It was cute. One of those times where Ashums would insist on a ( Read more... )

I took my birdy to the vet while he coughed up blood today. He might not make it through the night. I'm very worried..... this is sad....