i dont want to go.

ERGH.

that's just WRONG. i hate it. it's so FRUSTRATING you cant just keep missing each other! you cant! that's just so sad! i dont want that! i want EVERYTHING! the beginnings, the ends, and the GODDAMNED MIDDLES! i want the middles! i do, i REALLY, REALLY do.

so there.

ok.

rant over.

happy birthday dearest girl. sorry i got distracted and forgot to ( Read more... )

i had the strangest dream. i dreamt that i went to visit my biological father. as in i urposely went to his apartment without him knowing and just being there. i think he knew who i was. i saw his wife. and i think he lived in makati. and he had two children,boy and girl. and i thought that they called each other by those chinese names. or ( Read more... )

ok, so i think i'm very fatalistic.

i have very little faith in anything.

i dont trust happy endings.

i think i dont trust anyone... like i trust people but down the wire i dont really. like... for some things, like my life maybe, i'd trust the people closest to me... but for the... maybe, i'm afraid of people dissapointing me.

i dont think i ( Read more... )

I believe that we create guidelines, borders, rules, lists of things we will never ever do. 95% of the time they're useful and necessary. However, the 5% allows for growth, learning, ammendments... and permission to throw the rules out the window all together.

This is the story of my first kiss.

I was wearing a white sundress in 40 degree weather. It ( Read more... )

i wish i could get mad. but i cant because i dont have the energy to be. and i dont know who to be mad at.

i cant hate the people i should hate because i just cant and there's too much there to be mad.

i cant do this.

i just want to cry. but i really just need to work. and if i jst keep thinking about it i wont get anything done.

and i kinda wish the ( Read more... )

the thing is i dont think it was a date. it just didt feel like a date. there was no... nerves. i told richard part of it was because it was such a long day that i never really got around to getting nervous, doing the whole dress up look pretty time to get nervous now! thing. i wasnt nervous. it was easy. it was fun. there was no ackwardness. he ( Read more... )

[i have decided that i'll just do the whole transcribing the one hour at a time. because seriously, sticking around for THREE HOURS listening to some dude MUMBLE will kill me. seriously. now where was is?]

Wednesday still...

f) but it was still fairly scary the idea that he was giing me stuff. or something. and the fact that i didnt KNOW what he was ( Read more... )

[uhg, can i just say that i totally hate transcribing. it's so ANNOYING. ]

it started last Monday (Feb. 12) night.

a) it didnt end being such a great Monday afternoon. my stupid internet was being stupid. and i'd missed a meeting that i was supposed to be at because i thought it would be on a Friday, what i was thinking i dont know.

b) i finally check ( Read more... )

but i think... i do want a boyfriend... some part would like to reaffirm the academic need to just see what the hell all the fuss is about... but a good part of me that hides behind the academic reasons and probably the part that is trying to assert that my stating this part second is denial of its existence would like a boyfriend... just to have ( Read more... )