i am the chronically masturbating walrus. goo goo goo joob.

[libertina]

This completely true story was on the FRONT PAGE of the print edition of a local free weekly--"Dad Still a Self-Lover" naturally caught my one-track eye [Note: the headline did not include the word "Walrus" unlike the online version, thus giving me even less context upon first glance], but I honestly couldn't tell if it was satire until I

Comments

[stoopidfresh]

Oddly I really want to see a youtube account of this...!

[libertina]

According to someone on pkrat's friendslist, he is far from the only walrus onanist in the animal kingdom. If I may quote tilton:

"Oh man, it must be a walrus thing. The last time I was at Sea World in San Diego, the walrus there was totally going at it right in front of the glass. He was an incredible exhibitionist. Imaging a three-foot walrus wang slapping against the glass and rubbing between his front flippers right in front of a gaggle of amused kids and terrified parents.

'Mommy!!! That one's having a BABY!'

It was so rad.

[stoopidfresh]

Man, why don't *I* get this kind of positive attention when I masturbate in public?

[pkrat]

What the HELL?!?

"Rampant Wanking that's Uncomfortably Close to Gay Incest Continues Unabated at Local Zoo"

News at 7.

[libertina]

Frankly, I don't see how anyone's going to top yours, even though yours is thus far the only submission. Not to mention that you deemed it bizarrely worthy enough to link in your own journal....So here's your special prize:

[pkrat]

You are on a mission to destroy my brain, aren't you? :)

Wow.

Wow.

I can't wait to show Eric what I just won!

However, I think I may have slightly topped the headline by removing the "that's" when repeating it in my post, but only because it's closer to true headline form. Not much of an accomplishment, but worth noting?

[libertina]

Of course that's my mission! ;)

This is your brain.
This is your brain on a nekkid bestiality-evoking centerfold of Knight Rider.
Any questions?

[beelzebabe]

That picture of David Hasselhoff concealing his Knight Rider with PUGS is almost if not more disturbing that wonking walruses (walri ? )

[libertina]

Ha ha--I couldn't agree more. The walrus is only acting out of instinct, yet the Hoff posed like this entirely of his own volition. One doesn't need to look too hard to find all manner of shameless Hasselhoff pinup action on the web:

[beelzebabe]

I'd look for the image myself, but I'm terrified the goverment will come and take my computer away for look at such perversions on the interwebs : D

[libertina]

Well, clearly *I* have nothing to lose: