my contribution to No Pity, No Shame, No Silence.

[libidoergosum]

I've been reading and sort of following the tales of friends and some of thier friends... I am greatly disturbed and quite frankly enraged by what I've been reading. Please do NOT mistake my rage for those that have suffered, if you think I am, you're missing a whole lot. I am disturbed and enraged that the men, the true men in thier lives have

Comments

[ga_sunshine]

I had a former boyfriend who used me as a punching bag for a year before my friends knew. I was young and scared and stupid. They only found out when I couldn't hide a black eye. Let's just say that the men in my life were NOT silent. Five of them showed up at his apartment that afternoon. And you know what? I was dumb enough to cry over the fact that my friends beat him up because I didn't know any better at the time. I grew up in violence and that's what I thought love was...it took me a long time to realize I didn't deserve it, I didn't bring it on myself, and I had a choice. Those three things are the best lessons we can all help each other learn.

[libidoergosum]

I was thinking something a little more civil, but hey, I'm not gonna cry if an abusive schmuck gets his just desserts. I am embarrassed to admit that because of an environment created by my ex-wife, I nearly became one of those abusive bastards... fortunately my friends (male and female) intervened.

[deza]

That's rather like my relationship with Scott. I don't know how many body bruises I hid from y'all, or how many times I didn't go out with my friends because he told me to stay home.

[ga_sunshine]

Yep. I hid a lot back when Frank and I were dating.

[jerseygirl1]

I know there are many men out there who will adamently defend their female friends, girlfriends, sister, etc....

So, where do the abusers come from? I guess that is an open-ended question I have often pondered.

[deza]

From my experience, it comes from a sense of entitlement. The phrases I've heard the most often in abusive situations have been "You want me to do this"; "You've made me do this"; "You're mine, and I can do what I want with you"; "You deserve it". All of these point to the abuser believing in a moral superiority over the abusee, a sense that it is right and proper for the abuser to maintain dominance through any method needed.

And just for the record, it wasn't musicwolf or tall_man that I've quoted there.

[darkmattr]

When I was 12 or so I beat the hell out of my sister over something. My Uncle, who was the only real male role model in my life flat out told me that real men don't hit women.

Real men do not hit women.

[libidoergosum]

good call on his part.

[unrepentant]

I'm always up for an Axe Handle Party...

[lizzielove]

I remember when you went through that honey, and I suffered too. I hated seeing you being hurt as much as I hated seeing you do the hurting. I'm also damn proud of the progress you've made since that time, don't know if I've ever said that to you. If I haven't then I apologize for that lapse on my part. You've come a very long way. I just remember crying over all the anger I sensed in you at that time; it hurts to see people I care about going through their tough times. I know you have to go through that so you can grow, but it still hurts.

I'll always love and respect you, especially for the man you've become over the last several years. This country is lucky to have a man like you serving it.

[libidoergosum]

I think it's finally time that I put all that to rest, but that's something left for tomorrow.