This is just so shitty. I’m so stupid for staying here with this utter asshole of a man, and yet… the stubborn part of me wants to stay, at least until my goals are accomplished. After all this, I deserve to at least see the new bears emerge. Seriously. I’ve put so much fucking time and energy and love into this relationship, I’ll be damned if ( Read more... )

How much longer can I keep up this charade? We went out to check the jet boat yesterday and talked some more. I told him everything again, how he has been leading me on, how hard it is for me to accept that he doesn’t love me as much as I love him, how impossible it seems to me that he can’t look towards our future together when that is all I see ( Read more... )

I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid again. I knew this would happen, knew he would break my heart, and fully this time. But it was so tempting, he was so sweet… he said all the right things. He knows just how to get to me. It is so frustrating, because I saw it all coming, knew I shouldn’t leave myself so vulnerable. But it is one thing to ( Read more... )

I didn't think I could possibly hurt anymore because of you James. Until I find out you have been lying and telling secrets behind my back all along. I wish I could say it is ok, because I have other friends who won't lie and betray me... but you were the last of those. Thanks. I spent all night in your company, trying not to rush off and cut ( Read more... )

Last night we lay in his bed, curled up together and facing the window. He spoke of his mother and father, of their divorce and what that meant to him. He spoke with a surprising lack of vehemence; he is the most un-jaded product of divorce I have ever met. Although much of what he spoke about was sad, when we finally finished talking and snuck ( Read more... )

3-11-08 ( Read more... )

Next day find out he lied to boys said he was at school, not with me ( Read more... )

Yesterday we somewhat spontaneously decided that we would have our food and smoking extravaganza. So in the afternoon after class we ran about, shared half a burrito at Laparilla, got snacks and liquor at the store (in case his friends didn’t come through, which they didn’t) and rented Mad Max Beyond the Thunder dome and another movie, and bought ( Read more... )

I thought today was supposed to be a day to spend time together; I’ve been looking forward to it all week. Did we not say, over and over, I can’t wait until Sunday? I don’t know the hows and whys of how you manage your time, but I bracketed everything in: to make time for my folks, to do all homework Friday and Monday so that Sunday was free for ( Read more... )

Sunday after my wine induced bar bouncing extravaganza, Oliver and I stayed in bed all day. He was a little miffed that I had wanted to go dancing with Wiggy, so we talked about that a little, with me trying to simultaneously tell him that there was nothing to worry about, while also validating his feelings and apologizing. That was over quickly ( Read more... )