anyone interested in my regular life lj its wonderingxmind I'll be using that journal more now as I am trying to separate myself from my ED. This journal will still be in use for my emotional crap outlet. Where as the other one is more of my every day life. and tends at times to be a bit happier? maybe? Maybe not so much lately.

I took some photos, I think they turned out well.


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I horde food. There is far more food in my house than one person needs. Funny thing is, I eat far less food than one person needs. I've also taken up my OCD patterns of cleaning. Even though I recognize that this is OCD, I still can't get past the idea that there is dirt everywhere. I'm taking 2 showers a day.

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My new job kicks ass. I love that I'm learning new things every day. It's hard work, but I enjoy the intellectual challenge. It hit me full force today that in November I'll be single handedly running the Physicians conference in Toronto--Ok that is really scary! I don't know If I'll be ready to do it; and there is no room for fucking up because ( Read more... )

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in all honesty, I'm only gaining weight because I want to look "healthy" when I see Alanna again. I know that I will get more attention from her if I look healthy. I plan to loose all the weight again after, knowing that she'll say something when she sees my weight fluctuate ( Read more... )

Pay attention to what you read. After you have finished reading it, you will know the reason it was sent to you. Here goes ( Read more... )

Tonight I am going to bed and tuning the page to a new chapter. I'm finding that the time I've spent since leaving therapy has made me ambivalent about my recovery. But I have to remember all that I lose when I don't take care of myself. Today I remembered how the man who brutally stole my virginity also stole my life for 8 years. I have allowed ( Read more... )

I can't stand my body. I feel like I'm drowning in fat. I want to cut my thighs of, I want to cut my arms off. My stomach is flat now that I'm healthy, I don't get that bloated "starved" swollen problem. But the rest of me is out of control fat. It's making me feel crazy. I need the find a quiet place with in myself again and sit there and become ( Read more... )