On Being Poor

[lifedistilled]

Before I get started with whatever this will turn out to be, I should mention to anyone waiting in the wings for my promised amateur-ramble about the difference between and utility of rage, anger, and hatred that this is not the work you're looking for. You may return to your ill-omened vigil. What little remains of that diatribe after a recent

Comments

[jadesymb]

I don't understand.... I mean, I've got other friends who also live like this. Hell, at this point one of my best friends has a step son who is 20, jobless, lives at home with her and her spouse

[lifedistilled]

Frankly, I don't have any good examples or advice at all. You're probably smarter about it than I am.

As for "Is it that hard to make it in the world," or "is it just luck that it's not me too," no. Neither of those, probably, or if any, the former rather than the latter, and only somewhat. It isn't hard to "make it." If I'd wanted to, I could've gone in for a $45,000/yr job five years ago. But I don't want to be involved in "business." I don't -like- money. I don't like the entire system we have that revolves around scarcity and coercion and the mobility of little green papers. The thing is, I have the option of being able to avoid it because I know that I'll never go without.

Maybe that's the key. I've certainly considered it for myself. Make a plan about your children - at eighteen, or twenty-one, or twenty-whatever, they're out of the house. Let them know well in advance so that it isn't a shock. When they're a few years older than that, say, twenty-five or twenty-six, cut them off, and again, let them know that you're going to

[jadesymb]

and see, I'd like to balance out a childhood of happiness and love and warmth and security of knowing they don't need to go without, to and adulthood of them taking care of themselves too.

I just can't figure out HOW.

Of course, I have this same debate about them being father's one day. I see so many of my friends who have EX's who are "baby daddy" and are so BAD at it, never see their kids, don't care about their kids, ect.

How do you teach a young boy that if he father's a baby he needs to love that child with the same ferocity that I love them with? That they need to be responsible for that child?

I'm totally understanding of teenagers having sex and all that, I don't think its a bad thing. But I want my boys to understand that sometimes accidents happen, and if it does, they are going to RESPONSIBLE for that accident......

*sigh*

Parenting is hard dude.

[lifedistilled]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that, just as there are 'cycles of abuse,' many adult-behaviors are learned from emulation. If you form bonds of loyalty, honesty, forthrightness, personal dignity and authenticity with your children - and that includes portions of "tough love" and a firmness that might not always perfectly endear you to them - then they will learn these things themselves. I owe most of the good parts of my personality to my parents just as much as I owe the "bad parts" I've enumerated in this post to them. From my uncle comes a sort of gentlemanly code of honor, as well as my cussedness and stubborn unwillingness to put up with what I don't like. From my grandmother comes honesty and a loving sort of guilelessness. I've had the benefit of a dozen close friends in my adult life who have given me many further good things to emulate, but that's the point - these behaviors are all about emulation. Teach them - by example - what is worth emulating, and they will learn to. I was never sat down and told that if

[catpeeler]

At the risk of giving offense by offering (obviously) unsolicited tuppence...

I would suggest that much of the angst-over-purpose and general complacency stems from the abstraction you've made of financial independence. Abstractions are the foundation of white collar, first-world occupations, but they are not the only path available to first-world citizens. If you can remove those abstractions a step or two from what you do to support yourself, you may find self-reliance easier to achieve.

In my own life, the only palatable solution was to seek tangible or practical ends whenever possible, i.e., to have something to show for my labors other than some tally on a sheet. When one's labors in a modern economy are frequently intangible, spending a hundred hours bashing copper can be pretty satisfying.

Obviously, a cabinetmaker is no less involved in the business of 'little green papers' than an insurance salesman... but a craftsman has something tangible as a result of his labors; an insurance salesman has to go buy that something

[lifedistilled]

Any honest response is appreciated for its own sake, no apology necessary. The only reason I do not take up what you suggest is that I have some idea of what I would like to do with my time, I just need to jump over the hurdles we (as a society) have built between me and it.

[jadesymb]

In line with what catpeeler said, you are an excellent writer.

have you considered writing for cash moneies?

just another thought :)

Good Luck!

[csue_n_moo]

Hmmm. My brother leached off my mother until the age of *35* - And then he was dead before he turned 40. But then again, unlike him, you have a brain and no drug addiction.

It sounds to me just like a matter of work ethic. I'm the only one of my generation that it really stuck to. (My sister's perennially unemployed for long stretches for various odd reasons.)

Deep down, however, I can't say that I wouldn't take advantage of generous relatives, if I'd ever had any. (What I have are *rich* relatives, who aren't generous.) It would have made certain things SOOO much easier. (E.g.: house down payment.)

[melodie_de_sang]

This pain and so forth you're feeling is growing up hun. Sooner or later every fairly well adjusted person craves that feeling of being self sufficiant. I'm glad I didn't have the opportunity to have my family support me. That doesn't make you bad for doing so