angst

i lost my real journal. i can't remember where i put it. i haven't written in it since august and i really want to write in it now while i have time over the break and i can't find it. this is very distressing.

in other news, christmas was lovely. it felt like christmas for the first time in years. i divided my time between three different houses ( Read more... )

dear insomnia & sadness,

i haven't missed you. please don't visit.

xo,

it is almost time for a mental-health haircut, piercing, or tattoo. i just need to decide which: release through pain or loss of self? permanent or changeable?

or maybe, i will just wait for the clouds to leave, & see how i feel then.

using all of my old journals as part of a conceptual self-portrait project i'm doing for an art class. so, pulled out all journals, arranged them in chronological order & began reading excerpts. journal from when i was seven is so cute, makes me smile all the way through. the older i get, the more cringe-worthy the entries become until i can hardly ( Read more... )

two hours, we argued, & he told me he has just been overcompensating with everything for the fact that we weren't in a "real" relationship. although we were, he says he knows as well as i do, it just wasn't labeled. so now we are. real, i mean, as real as it has been but now new & improved! with a label. & then we fought again a couple weeks later ( Read more... )

so it happens that when we fight, i walk in upset, he leaves without telling me. doesn't call me, i call him. sure, he apologizes, he says he knows he shouldn't have left, but the point is he left. abandoned the fight, didn't care whether it got worked out or not. they fight, she overreacts and he knows that, she storms off and slams her door and ( Read more... )

i have been having very vivid dreams lately. saw my ex-boyfriend looking like a grown man, holding his new baby. someone asked me to help them with something, went into my bathroom and the words on the mirror had been swiped through with a hand. my stepdad died in one dream the other night, remember looking into his casket and feeling like i had ( Read more... )

my office is cold. all hairs on my arm stand at attention when i move, flesh covered in bumps, tiny soldiers standing posted to guard my body heat ( Read more... )