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Thinking about the future world
I've been thinking the last day or two about the world we are creating.
There is a documentary I've loved for some time. It's called Future by Design. In it, a man who is generations ahead of his time, even now, shares his designs and visions of the world to come. Rather, of a possibility of worlds to come. Even he says that his designs only ( Read more... ) -
Such change. So chaos.
The past few weeks have been filled with change. people always say that they want change. They're insane. Change isn't all fun. Unplanned changes leave me feeling like I was in a snow globe while it was being shaken.
The end result is that Cw is not going back to work and will be working on his game. I will cover rent and utilities. Nw will ( Read more... ) -
Facing down another week
I had counseling again today. It was exhausting. I came home and slept afterwards. I think I need to keep counseling to days off. I would have hated to go to work after that today, with my eyes all puffy.
We didn't really dig too deep. We talked about what I miss most about J. I was fine at first, but then I started going into how I never ( Read more... ) -
Counseling and other updates...
I finally found a counselor. I went yesterday morning to the second counselor and she seemed much more interested in what I'm going through than in what diagnosis could be given to the relationship with J. I'm going back to see her on Saturday, to start the actual counseling session. She understood about not wanting to feel like this anymore. ( Read more... ) -
A bit better today
I won't say things are better today. Not really. I'm not crying. I don't feel utterly unable to face the tasks that are set before me. I still feel completely alone.
So just to clarify what happened at the counselor's office, the man is an ass and the reason I don't like social workers being counselors.
We spent about 10 minutes going over ( Read more... ) -
Counseling is supposed to help
I feel lower and more hopeless today than I have in months.
The issue of getting over J was the reason for going to counseling. Yet here I sit, wishing more than ever that I could talk to him. While I went to counseling, the floor dropped out at home.
Cw has been out of work for the last two months with health issues. He's been on medical ( Read more... ) -
It's still moving forward
It's all in fits and starts, but it's moving forward all the same.
I see the first of two counselors tomorrow. Yep, two. I got in with one on Friday and other one on Monday next week. I'll decide which to work with after I meet both.
I'm still having anxiety attacks about going and I asked Cw to drive me over tomorrow. I'd rather not kill ( Read more... ) -
Counseling secured
I'm going to start seeing a counselor on Friday. Actually, I'll see one Friday and another one on Monday. Then I'll decide which one I like best.
I get a feeling of such dread when I think about it. It's likely just a sign of how much I need to do this. I feel like crying and my chest hurts. It's like everything inside me is screaming for me ( Read more... ) -
Sleepless again
It's almost three a.m. I should be sound asleep. Instead, I'm awake and playing TV shows online.
I can't get my mind to quiet. There's so much I have on my mind. It's like the inside of my skull is full of noisy rattles.
I called about the counseling this morning. I'd been thinking that maybe I didn't really need the counseling. Then, ( Read more... ) -
Update on my daughter
My daughter is doing better. She was up and mobile yesterday for a bit. The MRI the doctor wanted is being done on Tuesday.
I'm relieved beyond words that she's regaining use of her limbs. To have that light become paralyzed is just too much to bear.
For myself, the doctor did increase my depression meds and referred me to a bereavement ( Read more... )