i'm back at that place where nothing makes sense. there are no answers to anything and i feel lost regardless of what i do. i don't know anything except that i am trapped. i don't know how the drugs have affected me... in fact, i can't remember a solid definition of 'me'. the only thing that changes is time. the circumstances are always the ( Read more... )

i don't feel things anymore. i just exist. sometimes i experience physical sensations that are pleasurable. sometimes i feel things that are painful. but i'm never happy or sad. sometimes my body acts happy and i smile... full of energy, laughter, excitement. sometimes my body is sad. it makes water come out around my eyes. it makes me ( Read more... )

i had some things to say last night in my journal... that should have been said to the other party involved... and only to the other party involved. please disregard anything you might have read. hopefully you didn't read anything. i fucked up. i apologize for that. the person i referenced is not a piece of shit. in fact... he/she is quite a ( Read more... )

usually i'm all logic... but when i get upset, i turn into a woman

i just wanted to say that ( Read more... )

when i go to bed it doesn't actually feel like i sleep. it's as though i was just laying there for X hours and my brain never actually shuts off. i'm not sure if i'm just waking up all the time, or if i never actually fall asleep. almost as if i get bored of thinking so my mind just goes blank for a few minutes and i don't remember anything. i ( Read more... )

http://www.tc.umn.edu/~lind0901/

i wish i could just talk to an interdimensional time traveler and find out what i should do. i can't remember ever having so many unknows in my life all at once. being true to my analytical nature i hesitate to say much. i want to be encouraging and comforting but i don't want to jeapordize whatever it is that's going on right now. i'm sure in ( Read more... )

so i got one of those "online casino win win win" ads from nowhere else than weather.com... and i got suckered into playing. then i started playing with real money! (they make it so easy... paypal is even accepted). i only spent $20... which is no worse than a trip to mystic. the sad thing is that at one point (right at the beginning) i was up ( Read more... )

i'm sorry for "ignoring" you... but i feel pretty okay right now and i'm afraid of what might happen. here i go overanalyzing again. oh well. more later i'm sure.