5th footnote [text] the Christmas conspiracy

[likesfootnotes]

How festive and cheerful you all are about the tidings of Christmas, but each and every one of you are remiss about certain key points regarding the season and the tyrant that orchestrates it. 1 I feel it's only responsible to clear up a few details about this mistaken holiday before you are too carried away by the apparent 'peace on Earth and

Comments

[text]

[needsnobottle]

Whatever you say, Rudolph.

[text]

[likesfootnotes]

Good to see someone taking the truth at face value! As expected, you're getting the details wrong. 1

1 - Rudolph is the name that the populace claims to have heard him call, but it really was "Rekhyt" - my common name at the time.

[text]

[needsnobottle]

Oh well you know how that telephone game works. One person says banana and ten people later they're swearing the guy was talking about apples. Ten hundred people later and suddenly the subject was fission reactors on Jupiter.

[text]

[likesfootnotes]

You're being upfront and honest with me today. Running a fever?

[text]

[needsnobottle]

Headache that won't quit. Working on those items.

Things take...more...here.

[text]

[likesfootnotes]

That's funny. With all the things they practically give away here, it should be a walk in the park. Forgot how to ask nice, did we?

[needsnobottle]

[text]

Not what I meant, wise ass, but given that you're probably pining for your human master I'll let it pass.

[likesfootnotes]

[text]

That headache must be a doozy if you think I'm doing anything but rejoicing.

[needsnobottle]

[text]

No need to bury your pain; misery loves company. Let it out, djinn, I'm practically a fucking repository for supernatural issues.

[likesfootnotes]

[text]

Have you considered charging for your services? No point in doing something for nothing and I know how much you humans like money. 2

2 - Good luck collecting. Spirits are not prone to carrying money, but they might create some for you. It'll disappear the moment they're dismissed though.

[text]

[needsnobottle]

Yeah, how about I charge you one djinn-expelling spell? Seems like a fair price to me3.

3 - What would I do with money here anyway?

[text]

[likesfootnotes]

First, I'm sharing that information with you out of generosity.

Second, you still need the parts first. No point telling you how to turn the key in the engine before you have an engine, hm?

[text]

[needsnobottle]

So you mean I can exact a different price on top of the spell?

And you know, every fiber of my being wants to argue with you...but I find I can't.

[text]

[likesfootnotes]

So you do have some sense!

And, no. Consider my gift an example. Do follow my shining footsteps, though I know it's a little too bright to see the path.

[text]

[needsnobottle]

I'm sure my mother would be shocked to find that to be true.

And I can't help but think those footsteps will try and Looney Tune me off a cliff.

[text]

[likesfootnotes]

What a cruel thing to say! 4

4 - Cliffs are such a crass solution. I prefer something guaranteed to be permanent, such as sending you into the lair of a grumpy afrit.