Everything Tastes Like Ketchup and Lovecraftian Shame, PG-13, OT4 BROS
So, over at this old meme, I recently got a request for James/Logan RPS. One of the things I had to fill out was the following:
what they order from take out: They once tried to be fancy and get Italian take out. It wasn't a good idea. The place was much fancier than expected and Logan's calamari turned out to be legit full bodied tiny squid that he covered in ketchup and terrorized Carlos with (both because, hi, ketchup, ew, and because Logan was making a fucking mess and a ketchup stain would be a bitch to get out of the carpet). James got some frou frou angel hair thing with chicken and lots of colorful veggies and Logan's spicy sausage and linguine was awesome but had too much pepper.
rensahannou thought that the idea of Logan terrorizing Carlos was hilarious and so did I.
The following started out as me setting the scene and then it turned into fic. Fic that was too big to fit into a comment, so I figured I've been away for a while, why not post it as a real post. XD I didn't mention it, but I imagine this all takes place in Carlos's mansion. Cause they're classy acts.
Title: Everthing Tastes Like Ketchup and Lovecraftian Shame
Fandom: Big Time Rush RPS
Pairings: James/Logan, Kendall/Carlos (but really mild, much more OT4-of-bro-ness)
Wordcount: 1,060
Rating: PG-13 for dirty words
Disclaimer: I do not own anything and I don't know anyone personally, this is a work of fiction.
Summary: Italian take out with calamari and Cthulhus, shenanigans abound!
Author's Note: I read through this twice but it's not beta'd because it's 7 am, I haven't slept and I don't feel like bothering anyone about what started out as a comment fic. XD
Carlos had been trying to enjoy his own very classic spaghetti and meatballs when Logan had opened the treasure chest of delight that was the little container of tiny fried and battered whole squids. At first everyone was bummed because what the fuck is that shit, seriously, but then upon picking them up and inspecting them, they were fucking adorable. Logan is sometimes a total culinary schmuck and drowns shit in condiments so tonight it was time to ruin expensive calamari with ketchup. Which of course made Carlos scoot his chair over a little more towards Kendall and his non-ketchupy chicken alfredo.
"Look, I'm a Cthulhu!" Kendall mumbled through the strands of pasta hanging out of his mouth as he waved them back and forth, getting alfredo sauce all over his chin, the table, and everything else in the process. This inspired Logan who had been trying to make a tower of tiny squid. He quickly dipped the ends of each of his deep fried friends in the ketchup and lined them all up.
"I have an army of Cthulhus! Take that, bitch!" He crowed as he flicked one off his plate at Kendall. James had lunged to intercept with his mouth wide open, but took a hit to the cheek. Logan's little buddy rolled over to Carlos, leaving a trail of blood in its wake.
Carlos, of course, felt bad for the calamari that is obviously not getting the love and food respect it deserves. Also, they're all covered in fucking ketchup so he couldn't have any. "You're an asshole," he pointed a finger at Logan while Kendall tried to whip James in the face with his alfredo tentacles as James reached for the wayward squid.
"But you looooove me," Logan danced the second brave soldier in his army through the air towards Carlos's face. Kendall barked out a laugh when it got a direct hit all over James's face and hair, but it makes him drop his Cthulhu tentacles all over his Taking Back Sunday tee.
"No I don't you ketchup loving-"
"Put me in your mouuuth, Carliitoosss," Logan sing-songed in a high pitched voice, speaking on behalf of his new favorite little buddy. "I'm so much bigger than Kendall's cock." James, who was already amused by Kendall's alfredo-karma, now laughed full out at everyone else's misery that was worse than his own alfredo-fate.
"Shut up, you're just jealous it's twice the size yours is, Henderweenie." Kendall rescued Brave Little Cthulhu Number One and chomped down on him in a big display of mastication.
"Get that fucking thing out of my face or I swear to God-" Carlos scooted his chair a little further back and pushed at Logan's arm.
"But I'm delicious!" Logan squeaked. He faked Carlos out, letting himself be pushed back before savagely shoving past Carlos's defenses and ramming Brave Little Cthulhu Number Two right into Carlos's open-ready-to-yell mouth. Logan crowed in victory, not even caring when Carlos bit at his fingers as Logan kept them there to keep the sacrificial squid in.
"Cthulu is pleased with your offering mortal," Kendall boomed with a belch after swallowing Brave Little Minor-Cthulhu Number One.
James couldn't stop laughing if he wanted to. "Logan stop, Carlos is going to chew off your hand!" He attempted to get his laughing under control but failed when Logan tried to take his hand away and Carlos pushed the squid out with it, making Logan try to poke it back in with one finger, which caused Carlos to bite at the lone invader. "Shit, this is too funny! Don't choke him, Logan."
Carlos yanked Logan's hand out of his mouth and spat the mangled Brave Little Cthulhu Number Two into Logan's eye. "Fuck," He pawed at his tongue with a hand, "everything tastes like ketchup and Lovecraftian shame!"
"Shun the non-believer!" Logan had Number Three and Number Four in each hand, recently dipped, dripping in ketchup, as he stood up and stalks towards Carlos.
"No, fuck you! Sit your ass down my food is getting cold-" Carlos jumped out of his chair and put it between him and Logan. "I am warning you, if you take another step, this means war."
Logan stopped, turned each of his little buddies to 'face' him and looked at each of them as though consulting them. Then he looked back at Carlos with the most innocent of expressions, and took a step forward.
Carlos turned tail and was off like a shot, heading down the hall to his Nerf arsenal, while Logan followed cackling.
Kendall and James glanced at each other and then slid their gazes down at Logan and Carlos's food.
"It'd be a shame for their food to get cold."
"Uh-huh."
"I don't think they'd mind-"
"We'd be doing them a favor really-"
They pulled the food across the table and dug in to lukewarm pasta with a hot side of gratifying stealth.
"Y'know, I don't think all this stuff was worth what we paid for it," Kendall remarked as he ran his finger around the edge of his plate, collecting alfredo sauce. He used it to draw a happy face in the midst of what little remained of Carlos's spaghetti and meatballs.
"Nah," James concurred, using what was left on Logan's plate to make a dick, with spicy sausage pieces as the balls of course. There was a loud crash and a yell before Logan came tearing through the kitchen, ripping open the fridge. As he grabbed the bottle of ketchup that Carlos lovingly let take up space even though he hated it because any house guests might want it, Carlos rolled in through the door way and hit him twice in the back of the head with Nerf bullets.
Logan let out an inhumane war cry and flipped up the cap on the squeezable ketchup.
Carlos's eye went wide and he scrambled back on the carpet. "Dude, no. No, no, no, no, no!"
"Prepare yourself, adversary!" Logan howled and threw the bottle from one hand to the other.
Carlos was already running headlong for the back door out to his pool with Logan hot on his heels. "Not on the carpet! Not on the carpet!"
James and Kendall watched them leave then both sat back in their chairs, satisfied.
"Good entertainment though," James said after a moment. Kendall just hummed his agreement.
THE END!
what they order from take out: They once tried to be fancy and get Italian take out. It wasn't a good idea. The place was much fancier than expected and Logan's calamari turned out to be legit full bodied tiny squid that he covered in ketchup and terrorized Carlos with (both because, hi, ketchup, ew, and because Logan was making a fucking mess and a ketchup stain would be a bitch to get out of the carpet). James got some frou frou angel hair thing with chicken and lots of colorful veggies and Logan's spicy sausage and linguine was awesome but had too much pepper.
rensahannou thought that the idea of Logan terrorizing Carlos was hilarious and so did I.
The following started out as me setting the scene and then it turned into fic. Fic that was too big to fit into a comment, so I figured I've been away for a while, why not post it as a real post. XD I didn't mention it, but I imagine this all takes place in Carlos's mansion. Cause they're classy acts.
Title: Everthing Tastes Like Ketchup and Lovecraftian Shame
Fandom: Big Time Rush RPS
Pairings: James/Logan, Kendall/Carlos (but really mild, much more OT4-of-bro-ness)
Wordcount: 1,060
Rating: PG-13 for dirty words
Disclaimer: I do not own anything and I don't know anyone personally, this is a work of fiction.
Summary: Italian take out with calamari and Cthulhus, shenanigans abound!
Author's Note: I read through this twice but it's not beta'd because it's 7 am, I haven't slept and I don't feel like bothering anyone about what started out as a comment fic. XD
Carlos had been trying to enjoy his own very classic spaghetti and meatballs when Logan had opened the treasure chest of delight that was the little container of tiny fried and battered whole squids. At first everyone was bummed because what the fuck is that shit, seriously, but then upon picking them up and inspecting them, they were fucking adorable. Logan is sometimes a total culinary schmuck and drowns shit in condiments so tonight it was time to ruin expensive calamari with ketchup. Which of course made Carlos scoot his chair over a little more towards Kendall and his non-ketchupy chicken alfredo.
"Look, I'm a Cthulhu!" Kendall mumbled through the strands of pasta hanging out of his mouth as he waved them back and forth, getting alfredo sauce all over his chin, the table, and everything else in the process. This inspired Logan who had been trying to make a tower of tiny squid. He quickly dipped the ends of each of his deep fried friends in the ketchup and lined them all up.
"I have an army of Cthulhus! Take that, bitch!" He crowed as he flicked one off his plate at Kendall. James had lunged to intercept with his mouth wide open, but took a hit to the cheek. Logan's little buddy rolled over to Carlos, leaving a trail of blood in its wake.
Carlos, of course, felt bad for the calamari that is obviously not getting the love and food respect it deserves. Also, they're all covered in fucking ketchup so he couldn't have any. "You're an asshole," he pointed a finger at Logan while Kendall tried to whip James in the face with his alfredo tentacles as James reached for the wayward squid.
"But you looooove me," Logan danced the second brave soldier in his army through the air towards Carlos's face. Kendall barked out a laugh when it got a direct hit all over James's face and hair, but it makes him drop his Cthulhu tentacles all over his Taking Back Sunday tee.
"No I don't you ketchup loving-"
"Put me in your mouuuth, Carliitoosss," Logan sing-songed in a high pitched voice, speaking on behalf of his new favorite little buddy. "I'm so much bigger than Kendall's cock." James, who was already amused by Kendall's alfredo-karma, now laughed full out at everyone else's misery that was worse than his own alfredo-fate.
"Shut up, you're just jealous it's twice the size yours is, Henderweenie." Kendall rescued Brave Little Cthulhu Number One and chomped down on him in a big display of mastication.
"Get that fucking thing out of my face or I swear to God-" Carlos scooted his chair a little further back and pushed at Logan's arm.
"But I'm delicious!" Logan squeaked. He faked Carlos out, letting himself be pushed back before savagely shoving past Carlos's defenses and ramming Brave Little Cthulhu Number Two right into Carlos's open-ready-to-yell mouth. Logan crowed in victory, not even caring when Carlos bit at his fingers as Logan kept them there to keep the sacrificial squid in.
"Cthulu is pleased with your offering mortal," Kendall boomed with a belch after swallowing Brave Little Minor-Cthulhu Number One.
James couldn't stop laughing if he wanted to. "Logan stop, Carlos is going to chew off your hand!" He attempted to get his laughing under control but failed when Logan tried to take his hand away and Carlos pushed the squid out with it, making Logan try to poke it back in with one finger, which caused Carlos to bite at the lone invader. "Shit, this is too funny! Don't choke him, Logan."
Carlos yanked Logan's hand out of his mouth and spat the mangled Brave Little Cthulhu Number Two into Logan's eye. "Fuck," He pawed at his tongue with a hand, "everything tastes like ketchup and Lovecraftian shame!"
"Shun the non-believer!" Logan had Number Three and Number Four in each hand, recently dipped, dripping in ketchup, as he stood up and stalks towards Carlos.
"No, fuck you! Sit your ass down my food is getting cold-" Carlos jumped out of his chair and put it between him and Logan. "I am warning you, if you take another step, this means war."
Logan stopped, turned each of his little buddies to 'face' him and looked at each of them as though consulting them. Then he looked back at Carlos with the most innocent of expressions, and took a step forward.
Carlos turned tail and was off like a shot, heading down the hall to his Nerf arsenal, while Logan followed cackling.
Kendall and James glanced at each other and then slid their gazes down at Logan and Carlos's food.
"It'd be a shame for their food to get cold."
"Uh-huh."
"I don't think they'd mind-"
"We'd be doing them a favor really-"
They pulled the food across the table and dug in to lukewarm pasta with a hot side of gratifying stealth.
"Y'know, I don't think all this stuff was worth what we paid for it," Kendall remarked as he ran his finger around the edge of his plate, collecting alfredo sauce. He used it to draw a happy face in the midst of what little remained of Carlos's spaghetti and meatballs.
"Nah," James concurred, using what was left on Logan's plate to make a dick, with spicy sausage pieces as the balls of course. There was a loud crash and a yell before Logan came tearing through the kitchen, ripping open the fridge. As he grabbed the bottle of ketchup that Carlos lovingly let take up space even though he hated it because any house guests might want it, Carlos rolled in through the door way and hit him twice in the back of the head with Nerf bullets.
Logan let out an inhumane war cry and flipped up the cap on the squeezable ketchup.
Carlos's eye went wide and he scrambled back on the carpet. "Dude, no. No, no, no, no, no!"
"Prepare yourself, adversary!" Logan howled and threw the bottle from one hand to the other.
Carlos was already running headlong for the back door out to his pool with Logan hot on his heels. "Not on the carpet! Not on the carpet!"
James and Kendall watched them leave then both sat back in their chairs, satisfied.
"Good entertainment though," James said after a moment. Kendall just hummed his agreement.
THE END!