well today didn't go as badly as i feared it would. i had a few moments where i felt a little sad but i was pretty much too busy to really think about it. after class and lab i went out to lunch with some of the older girls at Applebees and we just sat there for a good hour chatting and eating and just wasting time before our other class. of course ( Read more... )

well Zach officially leaves tomorrow. he's flying out of who knows where and he's off to California for a month. then from there it's straight out to Mexico for the better part of a year. in a way i feel like i'm saying goodbye to him all over again, but this time he's not here to share in the misery. i did pretty well today keeping my mind off it ( Read more... )

i should probably be sleeping right now considering i have to be up bright and early for work tomorrow morning, but i thought writing in my LJ might clear my mind so that i'm not up all night with thoughts clogging my processes. that and i'm PMSing like crazy and my biggest problem aside from the cramps is that i get fatigue like it's going out of ( Read more... )

just to prove that Vermont hates me, on my way to class last night i got ANOTHER chip in my windshield on 89. so i'm going 80, the car in front of me is going 80, and the rock she kicked up was also going 80... in the opposite direction. so not only do i have a chip, i have a huge ass chink of shattered glass where the corner of my perfect new ( Read more... )

i'm sick of vermont, and i'm sick of unhappiness. i've had nothing but misfortune since coming back up here. and i know i bitch a lot in my livejournal but honestly, it's the only thing i've got up here. so bear with me and if you don't like it, don't read it. it just seems like nothing goes my way up here. every time i think something is going ( Read more... )

super long ass day, i'm tired, i'm cranky, and just all around not in a good mood. at least i have tomorrow off. i just want to shut my brain off for a while. i've been focusing too much on the "what ifs" of things that need to stop clouding my thoughts. i need to get over this, but for some reason it keeps coming back like that annoying bug ( Read more... )

well i had a girl chat with my brother's girlfriend Sam last night, she goes to school with Zach and has known him much longer than me, and is the person who introduced us and is pretty much the mediator when it comes to what's going on with him when i'm not there. and i got to hear how all this affected him before it even got to the point of him ( Read more... )

i think i'm getting there. i had a moment today where i felt something break, but in a good way. usually when i have my migraines during the day and i can't just go take a nap to make them go away, i spend all day praying for what i call a "break." it's that moment when you go from feeling like absolute shit and wanting to die to suddenly the ( Read more... )

nighttime is the worst for sadness. it's when you are most alone, most vulnerable. it's dark, it's quiet, and all you have is your room and your thoughts. then the sadness creeps in. like a shadow you can't see. it envelopes you, sinking into your skin, digging down deep and burying itself in your bones. it's that heavy weight, that unbearable ( Read more... )

i fucking hate feeling sick. i hate it, i hate it, i can't stand it. it's right up there with fear and dread, which for me, is my own way of making myself feel sick sometimes. but the kind of sick i'm experiencing is something i have no control over and it's driving me insane. i woke up yesterday with a wickedly sore throat. like to the point that ( Read more... )