Okay. I don't know who all still checks this, but hey... what else do you have to check now ( Read more... )

-Roll out of bed for class ( Read more... )

I will make all of you wiser now.

A man camping in a railroad tunnel died. He was hit by a train. There are "light at the end of the tunnel" jokes here, among many others.

The military is creating cyborg sharks. Dr. Evil is so jealous.

I have more brilliance to share with you.

Jesus Christ's face has appeared on some cloth hung in a Canadian church.

The Second Coming is upon us.

And it is dry-clean only.

The word hysterical was made to describe the insane behavior of women.

This is true.

It's also true that the cure for this was to knock them up.

Random, but fond, memories of the btx musical. Or the best part of it, at least.

Cannibal crickets swarm the southwest. Their diets are mainly protein and salt, but there's never enough of that around. So they hop around the desert eating each other. What's the name for them?

Mormon Crickets.

The lesson here?

Some species of Mormons are cannibals. Or at least some.

Hm.

The Cookie Monster had his addictions, and Bert and Ernie had their secret. Oscar was forced to live in their filth, while the illiterate Snuffalupagus couldn't spell his own name. Life wasn't perfect on Sesame Street for many residents, but not one of them expected this.

Monkeys, bitch.

In the height of the third hour of His second coming, Jesus will steal your pants.