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[lionboy]

Loss is a difficult thing. We tend to look for stabilizing factors in our life and expect them not to change like family, a job, a place of residence. We build our identities out of these things but change is the only constant in the world and so we suffer. If you hadn't thought of this before, you probably changed just reading this. Neither 0f

Comments

[msparker]

As someone who shares some similarities with you in a couple areas, please allow me to add my two cents. I spent a few years of my life under that veil of depression. I fought hard against taking antidepressants and I finally caved. It was hard because I understand the comfort you find in the depression itself, your best friend and worst enemy. The biggest thing I got out of the antidepressants was somehow I regained my courage and spontanaety (sp...too lazy for spellcheck). I suddenly didn't scrutinize every little move I made and how it would effect my life 5, 10 years from now. I've been off of them for about two years and it was a damned hard thing. Harder than swallowing your pride and admitting that you needed them in the first place. But in hindsight, it was honestly worth it. Maybe my biggest problem was that I was lonely. My closest friends seemed superficial. Because, truthfully, how unconditionally can one person love another person? Rhetorical, of course, but you know what I mean. I have no siblings and I

[lionboy]

I don't know what to say but... thank you. Your honesty just kind of cut through it all. I just started the antidepressants a few days ago so I'll see how it goes. I'll be in Cleveland again the weekend of the 30th so perhaps I'll see you then?
Intellectually, I know that everyone has dark places in their souls but I'm exceedingly hard on myself. I feel that I shouldn't. It's OK for everyone else but not for me not for me. Raging perfectionism tends to keep one from accomplishing anything, it seems. Set unattainable standards for yourself and you will always fail. Yeesh. I hope I'll see you soon and thank you.
That was honestly the most touching comment I've gotten on this thing. I'll give it some thought. Maybe my mind will be more clear if the antidepressants take some effect.

Re:

[msparker]

Perfectionism is a crazy catch-22. We seem to have quite a bit in common. I hope to catch you when you are in town! And thank you for thanking me....they're just words and my stupid perspective, but maybe one of my experiences will parallel yours and we can help each other see the different sides...I guess that's what humans do, huh? :)

[lionboy]

Yeah. I suppose the better ones do. Things in common... Pepper said we should talk because of something about our relationships with our fathers but did not go into any details. She was all mysterious like about it. See you soon! ^_^

[spleenliver]

sometimes i myself think who would ibe if i wasnt sad mopey beth but then i think id be smiley cute beth and that works too. and its even a more delightful side of me and it can be that way for you too i know it!(: you know i hope i wasnt too ahrd on you in the email i sent you i meant well. (:

[sulphuroxide]

you know, i dont know much about what you suffer from, as i seem so far from depression nowadays, and though i sympatheize, let me just add that the only constant, is change, or difference and you will change even if you feel stuck. depression is in part, because one feels stuck and unable to get out. its kind of a big circle.