I finally got around to reading Poul Anderson's Boat of a Million Years this weekend, and it has reminded me that I missed most of ancient history in school due to poor teaching and poor timing. I've picked up a reasonable amount here and there ("Everything I Know About History I Learned from the Metropolitan Museum of Art" could be a pretty thick
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It sounds like you want ancient history, not medieval-or-later. Because communications were so bad then, there are few good survey texts. You will need to find a text on Greece, a text on Rome, etc. If you start with a modern survey of Rome, you can then read Livy and Cassius Dio and understand where they're coming from and what political biases show in their work. If you start with a survey of Greek, you can then read Herodotus and Thucydides. After a survey and primary sources, then it's a good time to read focused, scholarly work on whichever parts interest you.
If you start with the primary sources, it's hard to understand what they aren't saying. If you start with the modern scholars, it's easy to be misled.
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For Byzantine history, Judith Herrin (a well-respected scholar) has just published a mass-market book ("Byzantium") that is a very good overview, though not in a chronological format.
And if you want the entertaining overview, there's the Cartoon History of the Universe, parts 1-whatever.
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Not that this helps in the general case. It's also not clear what you'll be able to pick up about Carthage since the Romans did a pretty good job of obliterating them.
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