Some Thoughts on Elven Sanitation

[lissas_elves]

It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to wonder about it ... This subject is not for the squeamish!

Thank you to Cal for betaing.

‘On Elven Sanitation’ or ‘The Joys of Indoor Plumbing’
Introduction:

I’m sure The Last Homely House had running water, indoor WC and bathrooms - these clever Noldor did so like to invent things - but how do you

Comments

[lethe_lloyd]

You know - this is the uncomfortable pragmatist bit in me, which, in stories where the heros are trekking across half the world, causes that part of my brain to knock on the " enjoying-the-story-thanks " part and ask, " So, what did they use for toilet roll? " And the part that finds it very hard to accommodate female tenth walkers or other arse-kicking well traveled heroines because of that time of the moon. ( I only read it addressed in one historical novel where the poor girl had to stuff a makeshift pad from material ripped from her skirt with grass and moss and so on. And she was only legging it as she was on the run

[lissas_elves]

this is the uncomfortable pragmatist bit in me, which, in stories where the heros are trekking across half the world, causes that part of my brain to knock on the " enjoying-the-story-thanks " part and ask, " So, what did they use for toilet roll?"

Exactly! I do the same - lol. Although I have no plans of actually using this, it's just the sort of thing I'd like to know.

And the part that finds it very hard to accommodate female tenth walkers or other arse-kicking well traveled heroines because of that time of the moon

We covered this subject in the GoI discussion, too, and agreed that elves wouldn't have to worry, since they got pregnant only if they wished to, so, consequently, they wouldn't have to dispose of an egg a month. ;-)

As to Jael's father: yep, most unfortunate incident. But quite funny if you don't happen to be the one who experienced it. ;-)

[lethe_lloyd]

We covered this subject in the GoI discussion, too, and agreed that elves wouldn't have to worry, since they got pregnant only if they wished to, so, consequently, they wouldn't have to dispose of an egg a month. ;-)

Tenth walkers are usually Mortals, which was what I was thinking of. I agree with females Elves the problem would not arise.

Exactly! I do the same - lol. Although I have no plans of actually using this, it's just the sort of thing I'd like to know.

Of course, with IBS, it does tend to be on my mind. XD

[lissas_elves]

Tenth walkers are usually Mortals, which was what I was thinking of.

Oh yes of course. They would certainly have some problems. You know, somehow non-menstruating women with perfect hair after weeks in the wildernes seem far more unreal than elves...

Of course, with IBS, it does tend to be on my mind. XD

Well, yes, I suppose so. The 50 m away potty house would be very inconvenient to us mortals, I'm afraid. :-(

[chaotic_binky]

I always assumed the elves might have public toilets, which stood over a big pit that after a while was filled in and maybe made into a flowerbed perhaps lol It is not such a leap away from the public bath idea.

I always wonder where characters go to the toilet and how their hair looks so perfect after a month of now brushing it.

Hugs Binky xxxxx

[lissas_elves]

lol - nice idea with the toilet-transformed-into-flowerbed; I'm sure you could grow some amazing roses in it! Hmmm, the next time I read about Galadriel's garden I'd better not think about this. *g*

Hey, how about we try to start a new trend: realistic stories (at least as far as hygiene is concerned).

There must be at least one mention of the hero/heroine going to the toilet.
They cannot have perfect hair after a week in the wilderness/a wild night in bed with each other.
And under no circumstances will one of the parties lick the others toes (or any other body parts, for that matter) before they've had a bath after said week in the wilderniss!!!

Wanna join?

[chaotic_binky]

In Ereolas: Oropher Unbound, Ereolas discussed his toilet arrangements and the fluffy pads they use to wipe their bums with - the fluff was from a plant and too weak for papermaking but ideal when compressed for wiping bums.

My elves also fart as in Erestor Fartypants and they also get body odour if they have been sweating. There must be a reason why they take so many baths lol

Yup, I'll join!

Hugs Binky xxxxxxx

[lissas_elves]

Oh yes! I remember reading about the toilet pads and thinking: yes! finally a writer with guts ... lol

Hmm, what to call this new 'wave' ... Neo-excrementalism? j/k

[cairistiona7]

I have to say I belong to the class of reader that, if such technicalities get in the way of good storytelling, I can cheerfully ignore the oversight if they're left out. And as a writer, I usually take the stand that such details don't usually move the story along and so I don't usually, er, mess with it. That said, details of ordinary life can enrich the story, so sometimes I do make a brief mention of a Ranger slipping into the bushes to do his morning business, etc. I rarely write female characters and would never consider using a female as a warrior because I don't want to deal with the whole "I can't fight; I have cramps" business! And just the idea of a 10th Walker makes me shudder, so I don't even read those stories, let alone write them

[lissas_elves]

Hmm, have to say I never thought, when I got up this morning, that the waste habits of elves would be a topic of the day's conversations. LOL Interesting, though.

Just imagine, I provided you with a topic to completely spoil your co-workers' appetite during lunch break today! *beams and ish very proud of self*

As to the details of everyday life, of course you're right in that we don't want to hear about them, really. But it's nice to get at least a hint that it's a real world and real people; and I really like to have a clear idea of how my version of this world functions, although I probably won't use it in my stories - at least not very much ... ;-)

[cairistiona7]

Just imagine, I provided you with a topic to completely spoil your co-workers' appetite during lunch break today! *beams and ish very proud of self*

Hee hee! Fortunately, my only co-worker is Domino ... and he isn't troubled in the least.

[lissas_elves]

Oh - well, you're probably right that Domino won't mind, considering what dogs like to sniff at ... and roll themselves in!

Had to give Peebody a thorough wash a while ago; all I can say is 'Eeeeewwwww!'

[nierielraina]

Bravo! Well done, Lissa! Can I post a link on my journal to this for others to enjoy?

:)

[lissas_elves]

lol - glad you liked it. I really enjoyed the whole discussion on GoI on this subject; pity I can't post it all.

Please do link - I'm flattered!

[nierielraina]

Kewl! Thanks!

[lissas_elves]

You're welcome :-)

(and I don't mind that delicious icon of yours, either ... *drools*)

[calen_greenleaf]

*is still grinning away at this*

[lissas_elves]

It's good to hear, Cal; that was the general idea of it ... *g*

Although I maintain that the conclusions are sound (as least as sound as I could make them).