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[littleblackcait]

Comments

[rocket_man26]

You're start'n to sound jes like him a way while back..

Hey, shut up a sec an c'mere. NO I mean it come here!

[Pulling an arm around him, he gave him a good hard stare. Man, Reeve was about as broken up as Vincent in the old days. And when he said old days, he meant when the lamentable guy was just out of his box.]

Alone's the last thing you need right now. Heck, look what happened the last time we let you alone. I swear we can't take you anywhere without somethin bad nip'n at your heals, heh heh!

But..

[He curled his index finger under Reeve's chin, to lift his gaze up a bit to look at him straightforward. He couldn't stand the whole avoiding-of-the-eyes thing. Made him think they weren't really paying attention.]It's not like you don't have anyone two steps behind you, right? That's what we're here for, did ya forget? We're your foundation! No leader-type can stand firm without one. And don't start go'n on about how that's some sorta weakness, cause it's not

[littleblackcait]

[It was difficult to avoid Cid's bullying when he was in good shape, so stopping him now was akin to trying to stop a runaway train. He nearly quiled under the stare- if he hadn't know Cid so well, he would have been intimidated.]

..... Trouble magnet, huh?

[He fought staring his friend in the face, more because he was ashamed of his own weakness than afraid... though that played a hand in it. Looking into Cid's open, honest face just made him want to hide that much more.]

... don't you get it, Cid? Everything I've done... everything I've tried... why do you keep doing this? I have failed everyone so many times since I... I've failed you, I've failed Atsuko, I... I failed him, Cid, I gave up hope, I gave up on everything in there, I would have given anything to have made him stop and....

... I relive it when I sleep and I relive it when I'm awake and I want to feel human again, I'm tired of feeling like a frightened animal, and I don't know how!

[rocket_man26]

[Cid offered him the inevitable cock-eye and leaned back with a heavy rustic sigh. All before he lightly bapped Reeve up the backside of his head. It would have been harder if he wasn't bein nice.]

What are you stupid? What are you blind? Or is all that cry'n make'n it too hard for you to see who the hell I am? Hold up before I really knock you silly.

[He squeezed him there, an arm around his shoulder, giving his arm a good shake to rattle him up. More hopefully to rattle those ill thoughts out of his muddled head.]

I don't give two damns how many times you fall on your ass. No normal fella goes through life without make'n a few mistakes. An while I admit, yeah the ones pulled were pretty screwed up, that's no excuse good enough for me to refuse help'n you get up again. What kinna frien' do you take me for?

[All this talk of being human again, caused him to pause and take a quick glance at his gloved hands. Yeah he knew what that was all about. The body was changin, but like hell was he gonna let it change his mind! This was just

[littleblackcait]

[Sometimes it was easy for him to forget that Cid was, despite his backwater ways and rough way of speaking, a rocket scientist- and a wealth of common sense. Which was good, since that was something Reeve himself lacked. So when the pilot thumped him upside the head, he managed a vague attempt at a smile, rubbing his forehead briefly.]

Heh. Not as if... it would do much damage. Thick skull and all.

[He tried to squirm away from the tight grip- while Cid was one of his closest friends, he still had issues with being confined. The shake was enough to push that out of his head- only Cid could hug you and rattle you at the same time and make it seem friendly.]

It's not... not that. I don't... I'm afraid I'm only making trouble for you... all of you. Heh... you're entirely too good of a friend sometimes... y'know? I...

I know it's over. I know I'm free... but then I see the scars and... it all comes back, Cid, it all comes back and I can't outrun it! I don't... I.... heh. I suppose... it's either root hog or die, huh? I don't... I don

[ashenice]

You know, Reeve, I have a paper bag sitting around here somewhere that Elena gave to me on your suggestion. Perhaps you would enjoy using it?

[littleblackcait]

.... Unless it has the magic ability to block memoriesunwanted thoughts, then no. Though if you still have that bottle of brandy, I'll take that... and any other hard liquor you might have.

[ashenice]

Have you forgotten to whom you are speaking? I have a great deal of liquor. And you are welcome to whatever you would like.

[littleblackcait]

That sounds perfectly lovely, thank you. I may well take you up on the offer. The idea of not feelinganything is growing more and more appealing.

[klutziness]

Do you know who killed Paine?

[littleblackcait]

.... the girl who was so hell-bent on killing me? I.... I suppose I'm partly to blame myself.

[klutziness]

Did you kill her, then?

[littleblackcait]

I... didn't draw the blade, no. But it was in my defense that she died... so the fault is mine.

[mcronqvist]

There are ways to ..forget.. if that is what you really want. However, forgetting is a weakness. Accept your imperfections, your faults, now that you know them, you can work to make them better.

Wallowing like this in your own misery, for whatever the cause, is beneath you, sir.

Private to Reeve//Unhackable;

[iron_countess]

You have been exposed to a terrible psychological torture, Reeve. The trauma you are reliving is (unfortunately) a natural consequence of it. This doesn't make you weak or pathetic, just like tears, it makes you incredibly human. A strong, formidable human being who is able to face this with the most dignity possible.

You are not the only one who carries guilt and remorse, I have my plenty fare of failure. I insisted in come to rescue you without my vampires and I was hurt. It was foolish of me to pretend to be as strong psychically as the others, but (despite how much the injuries hinder me) I'm rather proud of that. I bleed, I'm incapable to do everything, I suffer. That makes the effort more precious.

Your effort to keep your friends, to try to help the most you can even with your limitations. That makes you strong, no matter what he says.

Private to Integral//Unhackable;

[littleblackcait]

.... heh. I've got to work on making these things more secure, I'm getting sloppy. You're... wise beyond your years, Sir Hellsing, and I thank you for your words, but... it's a little too late for me to try for dignity. I don't even feel human anymore. It's... frightening. Degrading. I find myself reacting to the smallest things the way I did then, and....

... I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to move beyond this all. I... just want to feel human again.