"Safety in Numbers" - NCIS, Tony/Ziva
disclaimer: So not mine. Just borrowed them for play. Put them back unharmed.
notes & warnings: set towards the end of 8x23 "Swan Song", so mild spoilers for that episode.
Part nine in a series and thus, will make much more sense if you have read the previous ones:
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8
Written entirely to the soundtrack of "The Fountain". Yes, this is the reason for the mood.
word count: around 1,900
comments & feedback: very much appreciated.
Safety in Numbers
"I can't be alone tonight."
It was Abby who said it first, of course, asking for the one thing they were all thinking about. The thing that was too enormous to say out loud. The thing they needed to ease their minds and find some rest tonight and yet couldn't seem to voice.
When she said it, murmuring it against Ziva's cheek, Tony felt something shift in their circle, like the first breeze of spring chasing the winter storms away. Felt their arms tighten even more around each other while they dragged their friends that tiny extra bit closer. Felt the way their separate sorrows and pains mingled into something shared. Something neither of them would have expected this morning.
Tony blinked and turned his head to rest it against Ziva's temple. Her hand tightened in his back when he moved, and he felt her fingers clench in the fistful she had grabbed of his jacket. Possessive. Protective.
"My place," he pressed out and closed his eyes while he waited for his throat to unclench. "Biggest couch. You guys can crash there."
For a moment he thought McGee would step back now and flee from what was going on, but then the Probie just nodded and stayed where he was, sticking to their sides. Abby replied something Tony couldn't understand, and there was a soft hiccup to her voice while she tightened her arms around her chosen family, not willing to let go yet.
Under other circumstances, he might have wondered why none of them asked where Ziva was going to crash. Tonight, he knew there was no reason to ask.
*** *** ***
His gaze kept drifting to McGee and Abby on the back seat, her with the head in his lap and the Probie stroking her arm gently, endlessly, not stopping once.
It was easier than looking at Ziva beside him, who couldn't seem to stop crying. Ziva the strong, who was not strong at all tonight. Tonight she was hardly more than a confused little girl, with her eyes all puffy and her hands flexing nervously and her lips trembling because her world had just been rearranged.
Halfway there, he suddenly reached out and grabbed her hand. A hard shudder ran through her, and when he gave her a quick glance, he saw that her lips were a tight, pale line while she stared at the road. Then she took a deep breath and turned her hand in his until she could hold it properly.
Her grip was tight, almost desperate, and she didn't let go of his hand until he needed it to park the car.
*** *** ***
"I... I'll make hot chocolate."
Tony watched his partner vanish into the kitchen while McGee flopped down on the couch and pulled Abby with him. He had a feeling that neither of them really cared for chocolate right now, but it gave Ziva something to do and it was comfort food, so it wasn't the worst idea ever.
Abby curled up in McGee's lap again, her eyes so wide and scared that she looked almost as if she'd suck her thumb any minute now. Instead, she suddenly started crying, and that was when Tony fled and left them alone, going after Ziva because he just couldn't deal with his black sister not having a grip and that was what he'd taken McGee along for, right?
He took a deep breath when he closed the kitchen door behind himself. It didn't matter that Ziva was still crying. For some reason, it was easier for him if it was her. Maybe because he sort of knew how to treat her by now. Or maybe because she'd seen him at his worst and still allowed him to be strong for her every now and then.
She'd slipped out of her jacket and let it drop to the floor, right in the middle of his kitchen, and for a moment he looked at it as if he'd never seen it before. Then he stared at her back instead, how she stood there with her shoulders stiff and her hands pressed against the counter so they wouldn't tremble. She'd only managed to open the cocoa package before her control had slipped, and he knew how she felt, knew what ripped her up inside because it was even worse for him. He just hadn't allowed it to take over yet.
Her head fell forward, and that was when he moved, coming up to her and grabbing her shoulders and pressing against her back so she would feel him and maybe safer and a bit grounded, and yeah, of course he had her six and that was all just for her, right?
She made a soft sound deep in her throat, and he wanted to wrap his arms around her and hold her close, but while he was still fighting down the urge because he wasn't sure if she would allow it, she already turned and faced him and put her hands to his chest. She took a deep, shuddering breath, and the useless words of comfort Tony had prepared died on his lips, smothered by more fresh tears.
"I can't," she whispered while he raised his hand to cup her face again and wipe her tears away with his thumb. How weirdly natural this had become to him. "I can't lose y--"
She pressed her mouth shut and stopped the telltale word from escaping. His heart started pounding in his throat when the experimental thought of not having her in his life anymore snowballed in his mind and froze his insides, and he gasped and leaned into her. Her hand on his chest tightened, her fingernails dug into his flesh, and he wasn't sure later how it had started, but at one point he found that he'd pressed his mouth to hers hard. And that she was kissing him back just as desperately, with one of her hands grabbing his neck and the other clenching at his waist while his own arms came up around her and he pressed into her so hard that the edge of the counter must have been digging into her back painfully. But she didn't seem to care, she just kept meeting his mouth all hungry and the tiniest bit desperate, and soon all he could really think about was her warmth and the tension coiled up deep inside her, ready to shatter her any moment now.
He wasn't sure how long they kissed like that, breathless, desperate, drowning in guilt and responsibility and emotions and all the other things that had always kept them apart. Only tonight these things seemed flimsy and miniscule and not even worth a second thought. Because tonight there was something so much more important going on, and that something kept them together much more easily than it kept them apart.
McGee tiptoed into the kitchen at one point, probably around the time when she had wrapped her arms around Tony and clung to him hard. Or maybe a little later, when he had just pressed his face into the curve of her neck and ground out her name against her skin. He wasn't too sure, he just knew that Ziva turned her head and stared at the Probie, who was reaching for the pack of cocoa just then and took over the task they had abandoned in favor of a more physical comfort.
Tony blinked slowly and raised his head, but even though he braced himself for the curious look he expected to get, he didn't pull back and didn't let go of Ziva. Tonight, he didn't care what the Probie thought of him. Heck, tonight, he'd even yell at Gibbs and fight for his right to hold her.
Strangely, McGee didn't even seem to notice how they were wrapped up in each other's arms. Or maybe he did and didn't really care right now.
"Abby?" Tony asked quietly, and Ziva's arm tightened around him at the same time his hand cramped on her hip.
"Asleep, for now," McGee shrugged and poured hot water into four mugs. "Listen, you still want us to...?" And that was when Tim hesitated and glanced at them after all, and look at that, maybe sometimes the Probie wasn't quite as oblivious as he pretended to be.
"Yeah," Tony said, his fingers spreading against the small of Ziva's back as if he had done this a hundred times before. "It's fine. There are blankets in the closet down the hall."
McGee nodded and then stared down at the mugs he had just filled. "This--" he began and then broke off again, at a loss for words. And just like that, Ziva reached out and put her hand on his forearm, squeezing gently.
McGee stood very still for a moment, his head still lowered, lips pressed together tightly. And then, out of nowhere, he pulled himself together and straightened up and decided to be strong tonight, for Abby. "Okay," he said and picked up two of the mugs to carry them to the living room.
Ziva watched him leave the kitchen while her temple rested against Tony's cheek, and he took his time breathing in her scent and running his hand up and down her hip. And even though he knew there wasn't really a question about it tonight, he suddenly couldn't stand the thought of her leaving, of having to let go of her. Of her not being there in the morning.
"I need you to stay," he pressed out and then held his breath anxiously because the words made a tiny jolt run through her.
Then she pulled back slightly, and while she put her palms to his face and met his eyes squarely, he breathed out again because her eyes already gave him his answers.
"I'm not going anywhere," she still voiced it quietly, and he tried to say something intelligent in response, something witty, but in the end he just nodded sharply and kissed her hard.
*** *** ***
Later, he would never be too sure what else happened that night. He would only remember that Ziva spent it in his bed and that he made love to her for what seemed like hours and that it was more intense than anything he had ever experienced. And that it felt more like an extension of their new physicality with each other than mere sex.
She cried a couple of times, and at one point, he did, too, and that made her tighten her arms around his neck and murmur something she would probably regret in the morning, and he bit his lip and buried his face in her neck and tried not to let it show how much her words ripped him open and flayed him until he was all raw and tender and broken inside.
He was deep inside her and coming hard when he heard the cell phone go off in the living room, and they were still sweaty and reeking of sex when McGee knocked on the door and told them quietly they'd all been called back in.
And yeah, some part of him had almost expected that because this kind of night never seemed to end.
*** *** ***
notes & warnings: set towards the end of 8x23 "Swan Song", so mild spoilers for that episode.
Part nine in a series and thus, will make much more sense if you have read the previous ones:
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8
Written entirely to the soundtrack of "The Fountain". Yes, this is the reason for the mood.
word count: around 1,900
comments & feedback: very much appreciated.
Safety in Numbers
"I can't be alone tonight."
It was Abby who said it first, of course, asking for the one thing they were all thinking about. The thing that was too enormous to say out loud. The thing they needed to ease their minds and find some rest tonight and yet couldn't seem to voice.
When she said it, murmuring it against Ziva's cheek, Tony felt something shift in their circle, like the first breeze of spring chasing the winter storms away. Felt their arms tighten even more around each other while they dragged their friends that tiny extra bit closer. Felt the way their separate sorrows and pains mingled into something shared. Something neither of them would have expected this morning.
Tony blinked and turned his head to rest it against Ziva's temple. Her hand tightened in his back when he moved, and he felt her fingers clench in the fistful she had grabbed of his jacket. Possessive. Protective.
"My place," he pressed out and closed his eyes while he waited for his throat to unclench. "Biggest couch. You guys can crash there."
For a moment he thought McGee would step back now and flee from what was going on, but then the Probie just nodded and stayed where he was, sticking to their sides. Abby replied something Tony couldn't understand, and there was a soft hiccup to her voice while she tightened her arms around her chosen family, not willing to let go yet.
Under other circumstances, he might have wondered why none of them asked where Ziva was going to crash. Tonight, he knew there was no reason to ask.
*** *** ***
His gaze kept drifting to McGee and Abby on the back seat, her with the head in his lap and the Probie stroking her arm gently, endlessly, not stopping once.
It was easier than looking at Ziva beside him, who couldn't seem to stop crying. Ziva the strong, who was not strong at all tonight. Tonight she was hardly more than a confused little girl, with her eyes all puffy and her hands flexing nervously and her lips trembling because her world had just been rearranged.
Halfway there, he suddenly reached out and grabbed her hand. A hard shudder ran through her, and when he gave her a quick glance, he saw that her lips were a tight, pale line while she stared at the road. Then she took a deep breath and turned her hand in his until she could hold it properly.
Her grip was tight, almost desperate, and she didn't let go of his hand until he needed it to park the car.
*** *** ***
"I... I'll make hot chocolate."
Tony watched his partner vanish into the kitchen while McGee flopped down on the couch and pulled Abby with him. He had a feeling that neither of them really cared for chocolate right now, but it gave Ziva something to do and it was comfort food, so it wasn't the worst idea ever.
Abby curled up in McGee's lap again, her eyes so wide and scared that she looked almost as if she'd suck her thumb any minute now. Instead, she suddenly started crying, and that was when Tony fled and left them alone, going after Ziva because he just couldn't deal with his black sister not having a grip and that was what he'd taken McGee along for, right?
He took a deep breath when he closed the kitchen door behind himself. It didn't matter that Ziva was still crying. For some reason, it was easier for him if it was her. Maybe because he sort of knew how to treat her by now. Or maybe because she'd seen him at his worst and still allowed him to be strong for her every now and then.
She'd slipped out of her jacket and let it drop to the floor, right in the middle of his kitchen, and for a moment he looked at it as if he'd never seen it before. Then he stared at her back instead, how she stood there with her shoulders stiff and her hands pressed against the counter so they wouldn't tremble. She'd only managed to open the cocoa package before her control had slipped, and he knew how she felt, knew what ripped her up inside because it was even worse for him. He just hadn't allowed it to take over yet.
Her head fell forward, and that was when he moved, coming up to her and grabbing her shoulders and pressing against her back so she would feel him and maybe safer and a bit grounded, and yeah, of course he had her six and that was all just for her, right?
She made a soft sound deep in her throat, and he wanted to wrap his arms around her and hold her close, but while he was still fighting down the urge because he wasn't sure if she would allow it, she already turned and faced him and put her hands to his chest. She took a deep, shuddering breath, and the useless words of comfort Tony had prepared died on his lips, smothered by more fresh tears.
"I can't," she whispered while he raised his hand to cup her face again and wipe her tears away with his thumb. How weirdly natural this had become to him. "I can't lose y--"
She pressed her mouth shut and stopped the telltale word from escaping. His heart started pounding in his throat when the experimental thought of not having her in his life anymore snowballed in his mind and froze his insides, and he gasped and leaned into her. Her hand on his chest tightened, her fingernails dug into his flesh, and he wasn't sure later how it had started, but at one point he found that he'd pressed his mouth to hers hard. And that she was kissing him back just as desperately, with one of her hands grabbing his neck and the other clenching at his waist while his own arms came up around her and he pressed into her so hard that the edge of the counter must have been digging into her back painfully. But she didn't seem to care, she just kept meeting his mouth all hungry and the tiniest bit desperate, and soon all he could really think about was her warmth and the tension coiled up deep inside her, ready to shatter her any moment now.
He wasn't sure how long they kissed like that, breathless, desperate, drowning in guilt and responsibility and emotions and all the other things that had always kept them apart. Only tonight these things seemed flimsy and miniscule and not even worth a second thought. Because tonight there was something so much more important going on, and that something kept them together much more easily than it kept them apart.
McGee tiptoed into the kitchen at one point, probably around the time when she had wrapped her arms around Tony and clung to him hard. Or maybe a little later, when he had just pressed his face into the curve of her neck and ground out her name against her skin. He wasn't too sure, he just knew that Ziva turned her head and stared at the Probie, who was reaching for the pack of cocoa just then and took over the task they had abandoned in favor of a more physical comfort.
Tony blinked slowly and raised his head, but even though he braced himself for the curious look he expected to get, he didn't pull back and didn't let go of Ziva. Tonight, he didn't care what the Probie thought of him. Heck, tonight, he'd even yell at Gibbs and fight for his right to hold her.
Strangely, McGee didn't even seem to notice how they were wrapped up in each other's arms. Or maybe he did and didn't really care right now.
"Abby?" Tony asked quietly, and Ziva's arm tightened around him at the same time his hand cramped on her hip.
"Asleep, for now," McGee shrugged and poured hot water into four mugs. "Listen, you still want us to...?" And that was when Tim hesitated and glanced at them after all, and look at that, maybe sometimes the Probie wasn't quite as oblivious as he pretended to be.
"Yeah," Tony said, his fingers spreading against the small of Ziva's back as if he had done this a hundred times before. "It's fine. There are blankets in the closet down the hall."
McGee nodded and then stared down at the mugs he had just filled. "This--" he began and then broke off again, at a loss for words. And just like that, Ziva reached out and put her hand on his forearm, squeezing gently.
McGee stood very still for a moment, his head still lowered, lips pressed together tightly. And then, out of nowhere, he pulled himself together and straightened up and decided to be strong tonight, for Abby. "Okay," he said and picked up two of the mugs to carry them to the living room.
Ziva watched him leave the kitchen while her temple rested against Tony's cheek, and he took his time breathing in her scent and running his hand up and down her hip. And even though he knew there wasn't really a question about it tonight, he suddenly couldn't stand the thought of her leaving, of having to let go of her. Of her not being there in the morning.
"I need you to stay," he pressed out and then held his breath anxiously because the words made a tiny jolt run through her.
Then she pulled back slightly, and while she put her palms to his face and met his eyes squarely, he breathed out again because her eyes already gave him his answers.
"I'm not going anywhere," she still voiced it quietly, and he tried to say something intelligent in response, something witty, but in the end he just nodded sharply and kissed her hard.
*** *** ***
Later, he would never be too sure what else happened that night. He would only remember that Ziva spent it in his bed and that he made love to her for what seemed like hours and that it was more intense than anything he had ever experienced. And that it felt more like an extension of their new physicality with each other than mere sex.
She cried a couple of times, and at one point, he did, too, and that made her tighten her arms around his neck and murmur something she would probably regret in the morning, and he bit his lip and buried his face in her neck and tried not to let it show how much her words ripped him open and flayed him until he was all raw and tender and broken inside.
He was deep inside her and coming hard when he heard the cell phone go off in the living room, and they were still sweaty and reeking of sex when McGee knocked on the door and told them quietly they'd all been called back in.
And yeah, some part of him had almost expected that because this kind of night never seemed to end.
*** *** ***