life is pretty different these days.
funny how things change forever in a moment.
and how different you can feel about the whole thing...this whole thing.

its been a long time since i felt anything big. 
artificiality doesn't count. 
we'll see tho.

and, there was this:


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 http://www.myheritage.com" class="ljvideo">
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things feel good right now ( Read more... )

i am SOOOOOOOOOOO ANGRY ( Read more... )

exerpts from walt whitman's  passage to india (1900)

O vast, Rondure, swimming in space!
     Cover'd all over with visible power and beauty!
     Alternate light and day, and the teeming, spiritual darkness;
     Unspeakable, high processions of sun and moon, and countless stars, above;
     Below, the manifold grass and waters, animals, mountains ( Read more... )

     He told her: he fell from the sky and lived. She took a deep breath and believed him, because of her father's faith in the myriad and contradictory possibilities of life, and because, too of what the mountain had taught her. "Okay," she said, exhaling, "I'll buy it. Just don't tell my mother, all right?" The universe was a place of wonders, ( Read more... )

"If you are concerned about the love certain people very close to you have for you, you should not try to compensate for this by being clingy or over affectionate. This period is about taking your distance and putting all your relationships into perspective to see what they are really worth to you, tracie. Someone may ask you for an even stronger ( Read more... )

Take a look at your Friends List, and list up to 10 things you want tosay to 10 different LJ friends. Do not state who these people are. Donot confirm or deny any 'comment speculation' ...Then tag five (5)people ( Read more... )

a couple weeks ago, i had the worst bout of anxiety attacks that i've ever had...i thought i was losing my mind.

i talked to my dad for a long time about what was going on and he is a wonderful man. he knows me so well and that is comforting beyond words.
he told me what i needed to hear. i didn't even have to ask for it. he just knew.
so, the truth ( Read more... )

tuesday was the three year anniversary of my mom's death. i didn't cry (that day). i miss my mother and that relationship (however feeble) in my life. but i have come so far. i have changed so much. i am not proud of all the things i've done to try and deal with the loss of my mother, but i am kind of proud of where i've managed to end up. i'm okay ( Read more... )