Comments | ljusastjarnan: Sartre would probably call me inauthentic, and I would agree.

ljusastjarnan

Sartre would probably call me inauthentic, and I would agree.

Jun 28, 2014 01:16

I've been wanting to make a post like this for a while, but not enough happened to warrant it, I'm not sure if I have enough evidence to back up what I want to say, and further, I didn't know if it was just a random anomaly rather than a trend.
( This ended up becoming long. )

Comments 2

huinare June 28 2014, 19:56:23 UTC

In a nutshell, a lot of this is relateable to me. The last relationship I was in, I actually kind of viewed as an experiment (as in, that was actually the term for it I used in my head). Unfortunately I still let myself get pretty hurt by it, and the other person evidently didn't come away unscathed either.

I'm very very curious, though. Did my opportunities and the way I was able to get over my social anxiety a result of me becoming conventionally attractive?

For what it's worth, I've overcome a lot of social anxiety hurdles while going through a less conventionally attractive phase of life; people generally respond well to me when I'm managing to project confidence, thought that's by no means all of the time. (And meanwhile, I was apparently quite attractive some years ago, and during that time I couldn't get anything/anyone I wanted for the life of me, because I didn't really believe in myself I suppose). So while attractiveness can certainly help, it sounds to me like it's mainly your own work and efforts.

ljusastjarnan June 29 2014, 12:23:56 UTC

I feel like this is the constant conflict that's going on inside, because on one hand, having a disinterest and having that degree of separation seems dishonest and manipulative when the other party puts so much emotional involvement into it-- and expects the same from me, of course. But on the other, I genuinely desire camaraderie and friendship and intimacy-- but only in abstraction. My other justification is that I don't want to hurt them. But intentions matter less when it comes to feelings.

So while attractiveness can certainly help, it sounds to me like it's mainly your own work and efforts.I think it's positive feedback. It's not entirely me. People pay attention because I'm attractive enough to pay attention to, and that gives me confidence, which in turns draws more people in. Work-- well, I believe it. I work hard, if not consistently, and I'm enthusiastic. I hold onto the firm belief that, if I sort my life out, if I have a stable job and good income, good friends, people who I am attracted to, who are of the same sort, ( ... )