FIC: Not Where I Belong, Part 2
Title: Not Where I Belong, Part 2
Author: lls_mutant
Fic Summary: Tory might have pulled her from the launch tube, but Cally's life still felt like it was over. Everything she loved was gone, or at the very least, changed to something that she hated.
Chapter Summary: Even when what you love has changed, it's still important.
Warnings: Suicidal thoughts (Cally), suicide (not Cally)
Pairings: Canon pairings, Galen is important in the story, but it's more gen.
Author's Notes : What Nicky retcon? Also, although I changed a few events to suit our purposes, most of this universe follows canon… just with Cally alive.
Part 1
"Mama!"
Nicky toddled over to her, his chubby arms outstretched, binky in his mouth. "I thought we were going to start taking that away," Cally said to Galen as she swept Nicky up into her arms and kissed him carelessly on the cheek.
"The same week you leave?" Galen said scornfully. "Frak that, Cally."
He was right, but Cally didn't feel like admitting it. "How was he?" she asked.
"Fine. We managed," Galen said, and Cally savagely noticed that Mr. Machine there looked exhausted. "Look," Galen said, running his hand over his hair, "Cally, can we talk about this? I know that-"
"What is there to talk about?" Cally asked angrily. "From where I'm standing, it's pretty cut and dried."
"But I didn't lie to you, Cally!" Galen insisted. "I swear to you, I didn't know!"
"You knew," Cally said. "You've known for a while."
Galen threw his hands up in exasperation. "Has it occurred to you that it was a huge shock to me? That I still don't know what the frak is going on? Has that ever once crossed your mind?"
"It doesn't matter," Cally insisted stubbornly. She looked around the room. "Where's his spaceship?"
"Probably between the couch cushions, where he always stashes it. Cally-" Nicky started to fuss, wanting Cally's full attention, and Cally deliberately turned her back on Galen. "Fine," Galen said, the scowl audible in his voice. "But this isn't over, Cally. Not yet. We're gonna fix this."
"There's no fixing." Cally said angrily.
She could imagine Galen making that gesture like he was ready to strangle someone, and then turning around in frustration. "Don't forget that Nicky's got an appointment with the doc over on the Rising Star," he said as he picked up his bag. "You need to be there fifteen minutes early."
Cally fixed him with a glare. "I know," she said. "Who the frak do you think usually takes him to these things?"
"Yeah, well…" he made a face, cupped Nicky's cheek and kissed his head, and then pulled away. "See you at roll call tomorrow," he said. "And you'd better not be late."
"Yes, sir," Cally said as he left the room. Nicky watched the hatch close, and then began to cry.
Cally shushed him. "It's okay," she said soothingly. "It's all right, little man. Mommy's here. Mommy's not going anywhere." He settled against her shoulder, warm and heavy, and sniffled, smearing snot across her BDU. Cally sighed.
The night stretched out in front of her, just her and Nicky. And it seemed long and lonely, with no one to talk to, no one to lean on, only this child. This child of hers and Galen's, who was a… a… she took a deep breath. No. She couldn't say it. Not even in her head.
She sat on the bed and watched as Nicky played, toddling around the room. She couldn't even bring herself to care much when he emptied out her carry bag item by item, or when he sat down and began to flip slowly though a tech manual, occasionally ripping a page by accident. She just watched him in silence, wondering when the hell this had become her life.
***
"Mama," Nicky said, wrapping his arms around Cally's legs and burying his face in her thighs.
"Not right now, Nicky," Cally sighed in exasperation, peeling him off. She bent over the pressure gauge that she was trying to repair. "Mama's busy."
Nicky toddled away for a moment, and then returned before Cally could even put down the screwdriver she was using and pick up another one.
"Car."
"Yes, that's a car," Cally said, not even looking at it.
"Car!"
"Yes! That's a car!"
"CAR!"
"Frak it, Nicky! I'm trying to work!"
There was a knock on the hatch. Cally threw her hands in the air and pushed back from the table. "For frak's sake! Would it kill people to let me finish-" she flung the hatch open. Hoshi was standing there, looking surprised.
"Sorry, is this a bad time?"
"No, come on in," Cally said, almost relieved. She stepped aside. Hoshi was wearing his BDUs and looked a lot more relaxed than he usually did. "What's up?"
"I just thought you might like a little adult company," he said with a smile.
"And you were lonely?" Cally teased, a bit of good humor beginning to creep back into her mood.
"Yeah, well, maybe a little of that, too. Hey, are you Nicky?" he asked as Nicky eyed him suspiciously.
"Yeah. That's Nick," Cally said. "He's been driving me insane tonight."
"Is that right?" Hoshi smiled down at the child, who crept a little closer to Cally, taking him in. "You wouldn't do that, would you, big guy?" he asked, teasingly. "What's that? A car?"
Within a half hour, Cally wasn't sure which one of them had the other completely captivated. Hoshi was sitting on the floor, patiently running cars all over a makeshift road with Nicky, who was making sputtering noises. Cally, who had finally finished the repairs to the pressure gauge, watched them with amusement.
"You're very good with him," she observed.
Hoshi waved it off. "I imagine on a place like Galactica he's used to having a huge extended family," he said.
"Maybe," Cally said dubiously, wondering what that 'extended family' would do if they knew Nicky was a hybrid child. The thought chilled her- why hadn't she wondered that earlier?- and she shook herself. "Do you have nieces and nephews?"
"No," Hoshi said shortly.
"Oh. Um, kids?"
"Oh, no." The dark look that had flashed across his face vanished, and he laughed. "Not yet, anyway."
"You want them?"
Hoshi smiled at Nicky, who was climbing up and running a car over his shoulder. "I do. Very, very much if you want the truth."
Cally considered that. "Your own?" she asked. "Or would you adopt?"
"Depends on what Earth is like, I expect," Hoshi said. "I mean, if we don't find it by the time I'm ready, I suppose finding a surrogate would be the best idea, just so one of us is contributing to the genetic gene pool. With as small a population as we've got, that would almost be imperative. But if we do find Earth, or if the chance for adoption comes up… I'm open to that, too." He flushed. "Of course, I suppose it depends on what Felix thinks, too."
"You could do it without him."
"I could. I'd rather not. It's not what I want." He ducked his head as Nicky ran a car over his hair.
"Yeah, well, not everyone gets what they want," Cally muttered.
Hoshi rolled his eyes. "Tell me about it," he said.
To both Cally and Nicky's delight, Hoshi stuck around and helped her put Nicky to bed. And even after Nicky was snug and settled in his crib, the little nightlight that Cally had made him throwing lights on the walls, Hoshi stayed.
"Thank you. You're more help than Galen ever was," Cally said, setting out two glasses of water for them. "I wish I had more to offer you."
"That's all right," Hoshi said. "And you're welcome. I just hope I have one half as cute some day."
"You'd be a good dad."
"I hope." Hoshi ran his finger around the rim of his glass. "It would be nice to finally have a family."
"Finally?"
He shrugged. "I was a foster child. I spent my entire childhood being passed from one family to another."
"Really?"
"Seven families, three planets, and eighteen foster siblings," Hoshi said.
"You're kidding." Cally thought of the stories she'd heard about foster families. "That's awful!"
"Not as bad as it might sound," Hoshi said. "Two of them were fantastic. One was a minister and his wife- they had children themselves, but took in foster kids. I stayed with them for two years, but that was all they could commit to. I still wrote to them, and they always wrote back. Even when…" he flushed.
"Even when what?" Cally asked.
Hoshi hesitated. "Look, I don't like lying about this, and most of my friends know it about me, okay? But I'd rather you didn't tell anyone."
"I can do that," Cally promised.
Hoshi picked up his glass and focused on it. "I spent a year in jail."
Cally instinctively glanced over at Nicky. "For what?" she asked.
"Theft. Trying to steal a car." He rolled his eyes. "I don't know. I hate to play the victim, but I really got frakked up for a while when I was a kid. I mean, two of the families I stayed with were amazing, three were all right, but two… they were nightmares. And I mean nightmares. And I got into all sorts of things I shouldn't have- drugs, sex… you name it. I got caught trying to steal a car, and I got tossed in jail. But I was a minor, and I didn't actually succeed in stealing the car, so I didn't have too long a sentence."
"Wow." Cally was stunned. "I never would have thought-"
"That's kind of the idea," Hoshi said with a smirk. "It's not exactly something I'm proud of. And you know how they call them 'correctional facilities'? Well, sometimes, they work."
"So you wrote to the minister and his family?"
Hoshi nodded. "It took me six months to write that letter. I stayed with them between twelve and fourteen, and… well, the family I went to next was fine, but I only stayed there six months, and the family after that…" he shook his head. "But Bob and Katrina were the only ones I felt like gave a shit, and you know what? They really did. They came." He took a drink. "It was Katrina who suggested I enlist, and that the military would give me at least a job and some structure. I agreed, they talked to a few people and I got parole for good behavior, and eventually I enlisted. It was the best thing that ever happened to me, and later, when I got all my shit together and enough time had passed, that's when I went to Officer's School."
"They let you go?" Cally asked, surprised. "Even with a criminal record?"
"I was a minor on Tauron when I was convicted," Hoshi said. "That helped. I had to do several restorative justice projects, and I needed ridiculously high scores and recommendations from any number of people, and I was told that my chances for promotion past Captain would be slim, and even that would be slow. But yeah, I got in."
Cally was still wrapping her mind around it. "It's hard to believe that you are an ex-con."
"More like a juvenile delinquent," Hoshi pointed out. "It was another life."
"That first time I met you, in Joe's," Cally realized, "I asked where you were from, and you were very adamant that it was the Pegasus."
"It was my first assignment after Officer's School," Hoshi said, "and really, it was the only place I ever truly felt like I belonged. It was the only real home I ever had."
Later, after Hoshi had left, Cally thought about what he said. The only real home I ever had. That certainly wasn't true for her- she'd adored her parents, she had friends, and she'd always felt at home here on Galactica, and even on New Caprica. But as she looked around the quarters she'd shared with Galen and felt completely out of place, she had a pretty good idea of how he felt.
***
She was walking through the halls, holding Nicky's hand and thinking about the Viper she'd been repairing when she crossed paths with President Roslin, Tory Foster close in her wake.
"You haven't said anything," Tory hissed in her ear as the President knelt down to give Nicky a few cuddles.
"You'd know it if I had," Cally whispered back angrily. "But no. I haven’t."
"Good. And don't forget it." Raising her voice to an audible, professional level, Tory said, "Madame President, I hate to hurry you away, but your meeting with the Admiral starts in two minutes."
President Roslin sighed. "Thank you, Tory," she said. She gave Nicky a final pat on the head. "He's darling. You're doing a wonderful job, Cally."
"Thank you, sir."
"How's Galen doing these days? I haven't seen him since the last meeting with the Colonial Workers' Alliance."
Cally felt Tory's eyes on her. "I wouldn't know," she said distantly. "We've separated."
"Oh." The President covered her mouth. "Oh, my gods. Cally, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to- I hadn't heard."
"It's all right Madam President," Cally said, forcing a smile. "But I don't want to make you late for your meeting."
"No. No, I should…" the President started to gather herself and head down the hall, but then turned back at the last minute. "Cally, are you all right? Is there anything you need?"
Tory's eyes were boring holes into her now. Cally kept her smile dutiful. "No, I'm fine. Believe me, there's plenty of work to keep me occupied. Speaking of which…" she glanced at Tory, and Tory nodded approval.
"Oh, well," the President said, her composure returning to her. "Take care, Cally."
"You too, sir." Cally took Nicky's hand more firmly and guided him away, Tory's expression chilling her blood.
Frakking toaster.
***
Midnight wakings. Convincing Nicky to eat. Diaper after diaper after diaper. His hands constantly pulling on her pants, his wails constantly in her ears, his nose constantly needing to be wiped. They were all things that Cally had thought she was used to, had thought she had the hang of, and now, every last one of them drove her insane.
"Stop!" she shouted at the tantruming ball of flesh and circuitry. "Just… STOP! Let me have five minutes of silence! Five frakking minutes! Is that really so hard?"
The rage welled up in her, and some isolated part of her couldn't believe she felt this way. Her muscles strained, and she wanted to just shake the child. Not that she ever would- she would never lay a hand on her son. But all she could do now was scream- primal and angry and tearing at her throat. She stood in the middle of her quarters, fists clenched as she just let it out. Nicky stopped and stared at her, and then added his wails to hers.
The hatch flung open, and two Marines stood in the doorway. "Is everything all right here, Specialist?" the one asked, looking confusedly from mother to child.
The other Marine was Caroline. "Oh, shit," she said. "Yeah, everything's fine here, Evans," she said to the first Marine. She put her gun down and undid her helmet. "Cover for me, will you? I'm just going to give Cally a hand for a moment."
"Yes, Sarge." Evans looked back at Cally and then ducked out, closing the hatch behind him.
Caroline was removing her vest. "All right, Nicky," she said firmly. "You giving your Mama a hard time? Listen, you hang out with me while I call some reinforcements, and we'll let Mom get her breath back, okay?" It was said with a matter-of-fact kindness that made Cally nod automatically, wiping her face with her hands. Nicky didn't stop crying, but Caroline picked up the phone, dialed a number and had a quick conversation all while balancing a wailing Nicky on her hip. Cally watched helplessly, tears streaming down her face.
"Is he sick or anything?" Caroline asked Cally.
"No," Cally said, shaking her head. "I just… I can't… he won't…"
"Okay. It's okay, Cally," Caroline reassured her. She patted Cally's shoulder awkwardly until there was a discreet knock, and then Dee slipped in.
"Sorry to call you," Caroline said, "but I've got duty and-"
"No, it's fine. It beats the paperwork I was doing. Go back to duty."
Caroline put her helmet back on and shouldered her gun as Dee took the baby. As Cally watched, Dee put some water on the heater, soothed Nicky, and got into settled into clean clothes, all with an air of competence that spoke of years of high school babysitting. When Nicky was happily playing with his cars, Dee made them both a cup of something meant to be tea and sat Cally down.
"You okay?" she asked.
Cally shook her head. "I thought I could do this, but I can't. I just can't do it anymore." She put her head down in her arms on the table and cried in earnest.
"Shhh." Dee stroked her hair. "You're expecting too much of yourself right now. You just left Galen, and you're still reeling from it. You're doing fine."
"I'm not. You have no idea how not fine I'm doing. Every time I look at him, all I see is his father."
"It will get easier," Dee soothed her. "After time, everything will get easier."
Cally wished she could believe her.
***
It was a relief when Galen arrived at the family quarters, and Cally couldn't hand Nicky to him fast enough.
"He's been that bad?" Galen asked. Cally just shrugged. Galen shifted Nicky onto his hip, and Cally looked away. "Listen," he said, "you're gonna hear about it tomorrow morning, but Raptor 718 is having some issues again. It's all yours."
"Mine?" Cally asked.
"Yeah, well, it's not like you don't have time next week," Galen said waspishly. "Or am I cutting into some date time?"
"Date time?"
"I've seen that officer sniffing around you," Galen accused. "You're sure not wasting any time, are you?"
"You mean Hoshi?"
"Frak yeah, I mean Hoshi! Geeze, they say that people only get suspicious of an affair because they're having one themselves, and it looks like-"
"I was suspicious because there really was something going on!" Cally shouted back. "And there is nothing between me and Hoshi! He's Gaeta's lover."
Galen drew back as if he'd been slapped, and Cally knew he put the pieces together immediately about what Hoshi probably knew and didn't know. But he rallied with no problem. "Just because he fraks men doesn't mean he won't go after you, too! Especially with Gaeta not even in the Fleet!"
"And how is Tory these days?" Cally countered.
"I keep telling you-"
"You're a Cylon, not a cheating scumbag," Cally said acridly. "Forgive me if I don't find the first more forgivable than the second."
"You know what? Fine! You've made your point! If you don't want to be around me because of something I can't control, just get the frak out, Cally!"
"Fine. I will." She scooped up the bag and stormed out the door. She was halfway down the hall before it dawned on her that she hadn't even kissed Nicky goodbye. She hesitated, but she couldn't hear any screaming or crying. Just as well.
Like could look after like, after all.
***
The night before her week "off" from Nicky was up, she found herself in the Remembrance Hall, staring at pictures. Her eyes had blurred over when she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder.
"Who was he?" Hoshi asked, indicating the picture she was staring at.
"James Lymon," Cally said. "Jammer."
"Friend of yours?"
"Yeah." Cally sighed heavily. "He asked me to marry him once."
"You were…" Hoshi trailed off.
"No." Cally managed a smile. "It wasn't like that. It was after the attacks on the Colonies, and they were talking about babies and reproducing. We were all talking and drinking and talking about what our futures should have been, and Jammer- he was drunk out of his mind- but Jammer just turned to me. And he said, 'Hey, Cal, I'm now the best you're gonna do. Marry me.'"
"What did you do?" Hoshi asked, looking at the picture.
"Shoved him, told him there were still a few thousand men before he was the last man left alive, and we all had a good laugh about it," Cally admitted. "Him, too. He wasn't serious. But what if I had? What if I'd married Jammer instead of Galen?"
"World's full of what ifs," Hoshi said dubiously. "You might have been even more miserable with him."
"Thanks," Cally said sourly, but she was still staring at the picture. "You know what the crazy thing is? In some way, I wish Galen had died rather than finding out-" she shook her head angrily, wiping her cheek with the palm of her hand.
"Rather than finding out what?" Hoshi asked. Cally didn't answer, and Hoshi grabbed her arm. "Cally… do you know something?"
"I do, but I can't tell anyone," Cally said. "They'll hurt him."
"They'll hurt Galen?"
"They'll hurt Nicky!"
Hoshi glanced around. They were alone in the hall, but he still stepped closer. "Cally, if someone is threatening you, you need to report it."
She shook her head violently. "No. I can't. Besides, no one will believe me."
"They'll believe you. Is it Tyrol?" Hoshi asked. "Is he the one threatening you?"
"No," Cally admitted. "But I can't-"
"You can." She didn't answer, and he leaned in. "Come on, Cally. What's happening? What did you find out?"
She looked around one more time, and her body leaned in of its own accord. "He's a Cylon," she whispered. "Him and Tory and Tigh."
"Tyrol and Tory and Tigh are Cylons?" Hoshi said. He didn’t seem nearly alarmed enough, and Cally had the terrible thought he could be one of the last two. "How did you come by that?"
"Galen was acting strange," Cally explained. "I thought… I thought he was having an affair with Tory Foster. Maybe he was, I don't know. But I followed them, and they went to a weapons locker met up with Tigh, and I heard them. I heard them say-"
"Frak," Hoshi said, and his face went paler than usual. "Frak." He slid down the wall, sitting on the floor. After a moment, Cally sat down beside him. "You're telling me that the Deck Chief, the President's aide, and the XO are all Cylons?" Cally nodded. Hoshi scrubbed his face. "Frak," he whispered again. He thought about it. "Which one is threatening you?"
"Tory. She knows I know, and she said that if I ever told, that Nicky would regret it. I don't know if she'd hurt me or hurt him, but I really don't want to find out. Because I believe she would do it."
"She'd do it," Hoshi agreed. "Does Galen know you know?"
"Yes. I'm guessing they haven't told Colonel Tigh, or he'd probably be down my throat about keeping my mouth shut as well."
"Tigh. And Tyrol. And Tory." Hoshi tried to absorb it. "It doesn't make any sense. Weren't they all in the Resistance on New Caprica?"
"Galen keeps trying to tell me that he didn't know then."
Hoshi pulled his knees up and leaned his forehead on them. His lips were moving, almost as if he was calculating. Finally, he sighed.
"Well, maybe he did and maybe he didn't," he agreed. "But one thing's clear. They aren't in league with the Cylons we know."
Cally had never put words to that thought, but she realized it must have been in there in her, because she believed him completely.
"They would have done something long before this if they were," Hoshi continued. "What's more, I'd bet that the Cylons don't know that they're Cylons, for some reason. I mean, wouldn't it have come up on New Caprica? They should have noticed somehow. Either shot them or hugged them or something- something loud enough that everyone would know."
Cally nodded. "And that's part of why no one is going to believe me if I tell," she said. "And everyone knows I thought Galen and Tory were having an affair- I made a big enough scene in Joe's." She grimaced, not wanting to remember that night in any way. "They'll just see it as an attempt at revenge or whatever."
"Yeah. And no offense, but the Admiral will never believe you over Tigh."
"No offense taken," Cally muttered.
"Frak," Hoshi repeated.
"Yeah. Frak," Cally said.
Hoshi fumbled for her hand and squeezed it, and she squeezed back. They sat in the Remembrance Hall together in worried silence.
***
In the end, telling Hoshi accomplished nothing real. They decided not to do anything, although Hoshi suggested telling Gaeta when he returned. It was a good call, Cally thought. If anyone would believe her about Colonel Tigh, it was Gaeta.
But she noticed Hoshi came around a little more at night to spend time with her and Nicky. She watched him rocking Nicky, Nicky's face buried in his neck, a protective gentle-seeming guard dog that Cally thought would be fierce if provoked.
Which was why she was so surprised when the guard dog came out at her.
He was doing paperwork and she was carefully soldering together a broken connection when Nicky started fussing. Cally took a deep breath and focused on the soldering. "Would you mind getting him?" she asked.
"Yes."
Cally bit her lip. "Hoshi, I'm in the middle of this, and I can't waste the solder. Gods, it sounds crazy to say we're getting short on solder, but-"
"I'm not getting Nicky, Cally."
"But I-"
"He's just fussing. He can wait for you."
Cally chanced a glance up, her brows furrowing. "What the frak- ow!" She jerked her hand away, popping her finger in her mouth. "That frakking hurt," she said around the burnt finger.
"Mmm." Hoshi raised an eyebrow, and then looked back down at his paperwork. "Do you realize that, as far as I can tell, you've managed to avoid picking Nicky up for the past three days?"
"That's not right," Cally said.
"Actually, it is. I've been keeping count."
"Why the frak would you do that?"
He shrugged. "Something I noticed. You don't pick him up. You've only given him a very brief kiss. You haven't played with him. And if you can avoid it, you don't speak to him." He flipped a paper over and made a notation on a map.
"It's coincidence."
"It's because he's part Cylon."
"That's not true!" Cally replied instinctively, finally putting down the soldering iron. "I haven't…" but she trailed off, because she had, and she knew it. As if he sensed her distress, Nicky's fussing grew more insistent.
"Go pick him up," Hoshi said.
Cally sat back, crossing her arms. "No."
"Yes."
"He can cry it out."
Hoshi put the pen down and sat back, looking her square in the eye. "That's not something I've ever heard you say before. Go get your son."
"Make me."
"Specialist Henderson, as your superior officer, I am ordering you to pick up your son. If you do not, you'll find yourself in the brig for insubordination."
Cally meant to stare him down, but the Hoshi sitting across from her wasn't the friend she knew. This was the Pegasus CIC officer, who'd been on deck during things Galactica people only whispered about. Reluctantly, she stood and crossed the room to pick up Nicky.
"Sit down in the chair," Hoshi ordered her. She obeyed. "Now rock him."
Nicky cuddled up against Cally's shoulder. Cally rocked mechanically, not holding him so much as letting him lay against her. Hoshi stepped closer, and picked up one of her wrists. He wrapped her arm around
Nicky, so her hand cupped his head.
"Why are you doing this?" Cally asked, and she was surprised to hear her own voice shaking. "It's not… I'm not a bad mother."
"No, you're not," Hoshi said, and his voice was gentler now. "And I understand, Cally. Believe me, I do. I can't even begin to imagine what you must be feeling towards Tyrol right now, and towards Nicky. But no matter what he is… Nicky is your son. And nothing- nothing- should ever change that."
"I wouldn't let it," Cally insisted. "I just… I need time."
"You don't have time," Hoshi insisted. "Because if you let it start happening now, it's only going to get worse. And when you turn around and decide you want what you had back, you won't be able to get it."
Cally looked down at Nicky, who looked up at her with wide, innocent eyes. "But I don't know what to do with him," she said. "He's… how am I supposed to raise a hybrid?"
"Like you've been doing," Hoshi pressed. "Nicky hasn't changed. Only your knowledge about him has. Only the situation."
Cally couldn't answer. But Nicky reached up and touched her nose, and then laid his head back down against her shoulder. And without Hoshi prompting her, she laid her cheek against his hair.
Hoshi smiled, and gathered up his papers. "I'll see you tomorrow, Cally," he said. "And once you get through tonight, it will be easier."
"You sound like Dee."
He shrugged. "Dee is a very, very smart woman. I should be so lucky. Have a good night." He let himself out.
Nicky glanced at the door, and then looked back up at Cally. His little face was so trusting, and Cally touched his baby soft cheek. "I'm sorry, Nick," she said quietly. "Have I really been a lousy mommy?" Nicky didn't answer; he just sucked his binky. Cally pulled him back against her, wondering what the hell to do. Finally, she sighed. "I know it's not much," she said, "but why don't you sleep with me tonight, big guy?" She put him down on the floor, got ready for bed as he watched her, and then crawled into the big bed, curling protectively around him. She couldn't think of anything to say, but she fell asleep stroking his fine, soft hair as he snuggled against her.
***
"Action stations, action stations. Set condition one throughout the ship." Hoshi's voice was clear over the intercom, and Cally joined the rush in prepping Vipers and Raptors.
She caught Shark on the way out. "Careful with 718," she told him. "I still can't find what's wrong with the navigation system."
"Careful? Flying into battle? Cally, you've really got an odd way of looking at the world," Shark teased her. "You'd think that-"
"There's a weapons hold!" Racetrack shouted above the ruckus. The deck quieted, and everyone turned to Racetrack, who was already in her Raptor and listening to the communicator. "Five Raptors stay behind to wait for Marines and passengers," she relayed, and then looked up. "Twofer, Rubber Ducky, Shark, Roses, and Killer, you guys wait. Everyone else, get in the air, get armed, get your hands on those triggers, but don't fire until we get the word."
Shark's brow furrowed. "That's weird."
"Yeah," Cally agreed. "I wonder what's going on?"
"Must be something with the Demetrius. Gods, I hope they found a planet with food. Anything that's not algae."
"Not Earth?" Cally asked.
Shark snorted. "Don't get me wrong, Earth would be great," he said. "I'm just not that optimistic."
As they waited for the Marines to get briefed and the brass to arrive, Cally wondered just how much she still believed in Earth. She must, she realized, because just the word still had a power to fill her with hope and wonder.
She spotted Caroline with the Marines, and extended her hand as she ran by. Caroline slapped it and jumped into 718, and then all of the Raptors were gone.
And then the waiting began.
"I hate this part," Danielle muttered, more out of form, as Cally passed her during their landing bay prep procedures.
"Doesn't everyone?" Cally agreed. She glanced over at Galen. He was talking agitatedly to Laird, "Looks like they're at it again," she muttered to Danielle.
Danielle rolled her eyes. "Great. That means Laird will be a blast to work with."
The minutes stretched on into an hour. Cally wasn't even sure if the Fleet was still around them, or if the Vipers were fighting, or what was happening. There was a group huddled around the wireless, but no one seemed to actually know what was happening.
Finally, the Raptors and the Vipers began returning. "What the frak is going on?" Cally asked Narcho as he climbed out of his bird.
"Not a frakking clue," he said. "All I know is that the Demetrius is back, and they brought a basestar."
"A what?" Cally nearly shrieked.
"Yeah," Narcho said, nodding bitterly. "A basestar full of toasters."
"What the… and we didn't gun them down?"
"You're asking the wrong person, Cally," Narcho sighed. "Believe me, I'm with you."
"Get a medical team over here right now!" Helo shouted over the general hubbub. Cally turned around to see a few Marines easing a soldier out of the Raptor. She stepped back, making sure that she was well out of the way.
"Hey, Cally." Shark caught her arm. "Can you come here a minute?"
"Sure. What's up?" she asked.
Shark led her over to his Raptor. "It might be nothing," he said, "but on our way over to the basestar, there was this weird whine. It sounded like it was coming from near the jump drive."
"It's something," Cally sighed. "It's all something anymore, and this one's been ready for the junk heap for a while. The question is if we have the parts to fix it." She grabbed a flashlight, got down on the floor and crawled under the Raptor. As she did, she heard the medical team rushing by. "Stay with us, Lieutenant Gaeta," she heard one of them say. That didn't sound good, but she had a job to do.
Finally, she crawled out from under the Raptor. "When we've got the go-ahead, take me out in it," she told Shark. "I couldn't see anything, but that doesn't mean a thing anymore."
"Sounds good."
Cally picked up a rag and wiped her hands. "What happened to Gaeta?" she asked, nodding towards where the medical team had disappeared.
Shark frowned. "He was shot, but on the Demetrius. It looks pretty bad."
"Anyone told Hoshi yet?" Cally asked.
"Got me," Shark said with a shrug. He glanced at his watch. "Should we take 718 out now, or wait a bit?"
"Let me ask the Chief," Cally said.
Galen looked far away when she approached him, talking quietly with Colonel Tigh. Cally cringed, but crept closer.
"Did you see anything? Anything suspicious?" Galen was asking.
"I saw an entire frakking basestar of Cylons that Starbuck brought back," Tigh growled. "That suspicious enough for you?"
"I mean-"
"I know what you mean, and no. I have just as little a clue as I did before I went over there. Now shut the frak up- there are people around. We've both got work to do." Tigh strode away.
Cally cleared her throat. Galen turned to her and rolled his eyes. "Frak, Cally, don't even start. Not now."
"I wasn't going to start," Cally said. In truth, Galen looked terrible- his eyes bloodshot and his face pale. "Shark's complaining about 718 again. I wanted to take it out and hear the noise he's talking about for myself."
"Yeah, yeah. That's fine. Go ahead," Galen said.
Cally bit her lip. "Also, someone should tell Lieutenant Hoshi that Lieutenant Gaeta's in sickbay."
Galen's face darkened at that, but finally, he nodded. "I'll send someone up to the CIC," he said. "Don't know how much good it will do, but I'll send someone up. Go take 718 out and see what the frak Shark's going on about."
"Yes, sir." She started away.
"Cally?"
"Yeah?"
"Can you take Nicky tonight?" Galen asked in a rush. "I know it’s my week, but I have no idea what the frak is going on, and he might be safer with you."
Cally hesitated for a long moment, and then nodded wordlessly. Galen smiled at her. "Thanks."
"You're welcome."
It was the first moment since she'd found out that he was a Cylon that she didn't unconditionally hate him; when his first thought about the Cylons being here was for their son.
***
Felix Gaeta was one of those people that everyone on the ship knew exactly who he was, thanks to his job, but not many people were truly close to. Cally certainly wasn't. She'd known him some on New Caprica, before the Cylons landed, but that seemed such a lifetime ago. And while she and Hoshi had become friends very quickly, Gaeta had been gone the entire time. So Cally hadn't planned on going down to visit, until Dee came into her quarters swearing.
"What's wrong?" Cally asked her.
"It's Louis frakking Hoshi," Dee growled. "I went down to the infirmary to visit Felix, and do you know how many times Hoshi's gone down since Felix got back? Do you? Once. That's it. Just once."
"Duty?" Cally asked.
"That he volunteers for," Dee scowled. "Oh, not obviously, but he manages to engineer it so he's always on. He's barely been off in the seventy two hours they've been back."
Cally chewed her lip. Finally, she asked, "Do you want me to talk to him?"
"If you think it will do any good," Dee sighed. "I'm not sure it will."
"I can try," Cally said. "If you watch Nicky, I can go chew his ass out right now."
"Consider Nicky watched," Dee said, and Cally grinned evilly.
She found Hoshi pacing outside the infirmary. "Drop a contact?" she asked.
He looked up. "Excuse me?"
"Did you drop a contact?"
"I don't wear contacts."
"Pity. Because that's the only reason I can think of that you'd be out here pacing instead of inside comforting your partner who just lost his leg."
Hoshi glared at her. "I just need a few minutes to get myself together."
"So I hear. I hear you've needed lots of minutes to get yourself together."
"It's not your business," Hoshi said stiffly.
Cally raised her eyebrows. "And it wasn't your business when I was pulling away from Nicky. Didn't stop you from opening your mouth."
Hoshi glared at her suspiciously. "Dee sicced you on me, didn't she?"
"She did. It's not like I'd know a thing about it anyway."
"Then why are you down here?" Hoshi demanded. "I mean, you're not really friends with Felix."
"No," Cally agreed, "but I am friends with you, and I'm not going to watch you throw away the one thing you've got left making you happy."
"I'm not throwing him away," Hoshi denied. "I just…" he looked at her helplessly. "I just don't know what to say."
Cally shrugged. "Then say nothing. It's probably fine, because you can't say the one thing he'd want to hear anyway, which is 'here, have your leg back.' But get in there and say nothing while you're sitting next to him."
"I hate you," Hoshi told her.
Cally smiled. "I know. Now go." She grabbed him by the arms, turned him around, and shoved him through the door. Hoshi glared at her one last time, and then slunk through the door.
"I know it's hard," she said to where he'd been standing, "but you were right when you did it to me, and I'm right now, doing it to you." She turned around and went back to her quarters to tell Dee and to spend some time with her son.
On to Part 3
Author: lls_mutant
Fic Summary: Tory might have pulled her from the launch tube, but Cally's life still felt like it was over. Everything she loved was gone, or at the very least, changed to something that she hated.
Chapter Summary: Even when what you love has changed, it's still important.
Warnings: Suicidal thoughts (Cally), suicide (not Cally)
Pairings: Canon pairings, Galen is important in the story, but it's more gen.
Author's Notes : What Nicky retcon? Also, although I changed a few events to suit our purposes, most of this universe follows canon… just with Cally alive.
Part 1
"Mama!"
Nicky toddled over to her, his chubby arms outstretched, binky in his mouth. "I thought we were going to start taking that away," Cally said to Galen as she swept Nicky up into her arms and kissed him carelessly on the cheek.
"The same week you leave?" Galen said scornfully. "Frak that, Cally."
He was right, but Cally didn't feel like admitting it. "How was he?" she asked.
"Fine. We managed," Galen said, and Cally savagely noticed that Mr. Machine there looked exhausted. "Look," Galen said, running his hand over his hair, "Cally, can we talk about this? I know that-"
"What is there to talk about?" Cally asked angrily. "From where I'm standing, it's pretty cut and dried."
"But I didn't lie to you, Cally!" Galen insisted. "I swear to you, I didn't know!"
"You knew," Cally said. "You've known for a while."
Galen threw his hands up in exasperation. "Has it occurred to you that it was a huge shock to me? That I still don't know what the frak is going on? Has that ever once crossed your mind?"
"It doesn't matter," Cally insisted stubbornly. She looked around the room. "Where's his spaceship?"
"Probably between the couch cushions, where he always stashes it. Cally-" Nicky started to fuss, wanting Cally's full attention, and Cally deliberately turned her back on Galen. "Fine," Galen said, the scowl audible in his voice. "But this isn't over, Cally. Not yet. We're gonna fix this."
"There's no fixing." Cally said angrily.
She could imagine Galen making that gesture like he was ready to strangle someone, and then turning around in frustration. "Don't forget that Nicky's got an appointment with the doc over on the Rising Star," he said as he picked up his bag. "You need to be there fifteen minutes early."
Cally fixed him with a glare. "I know," she said. "Who the frak do you think usually takes him to these things?"
"Yeah, well…" he made a face, cupped Nicky's cheek and kissed his head, and then pulled away. "See you at roll call tomorrow," he said. "And you'd better not be late."
"Yes, sir," Cally said as he left the room. Nicky watched the hatch close, and then began to cry.
Cally shushed him. "It's okay," she said soothingly. "It's all right, little man. Mommy's here. Mommy's not going anywhere." He settled against her shoulder, warm and heavy, and sniffled, smearing snot across her BDU. Cally sighed.
The night stretched out in front of her, just her and Nicky. And it seemed long and lonely, with no one to talk to, no one to lean on, only this child. This child of hers and Galen's, who was a… a… she took a deep breath. No. She couldn't say it. Not even in her head.
She sat on the bed and watched as Nicky played, toddling around the room. She couldn't even bring herself to care much when he emptied out her carry bag item by item, or when he sat down and began to flip slowly though a tech manual, occasionally ripping a page by accident. She just watched him in silence, wondering when the hell this had become her life.
***
"Mama," Nicky said, wrapping his arms around Cally's legs and burying his face in her thighs.
"Not right now, Nicky," Cally sighed in exasperation, peeling him off. She bent over the pressure gauge that she was trying to repair. "Mama's busy."
Nicky toddled away for a moment, and then returned before Cally could even put down the screwdriver she was using and pick up another one.
"Car."
"Yes, that's a car," Cally said, not even looking at it.
"Car!"
"Yes! That's a car!"
"CAR!"
"Frak it, Nicky! I'm trying to work!"
There was a knock on the hatch. Cally threw her hands in the air and pushed back from the table. "For frak's sake! Would it kill people to let me finish-" she flung the hatch open. Hoshi was standing there, looking surprised.
"Sorry, is this a bad time?"
"No, come on in," Cally said, almost relieved. She stepped aside. Hoshi was wearing his BDUs and looked a lot more relaxed than he usually did. "What's up?"
"I just thought you might like a little adult company," he said with a smile.
"And you were lonely?" Cally teased, a bit of good humor beginning to creep back into her mood.
"Yeah, well, maybe a little of that, too. Hey, are you Nicky?" he asked as Nicky eyed him suspiciously.
"Yeah. That's Nick," Cally said. "He's been driving me insane tonight."
"Is that right?" Hoshi smiled down at the child, who crept a little closer to Cally, taking him in. "You wouldn't do that, would you, big guy?" he asked, teasingly. "What's that? A car?"
Within a half hour, Cally wasn't sure which one of them had the other completely captivated. Hoshi was sitting on the floor, patiently running cars all over a makeshift road with Nicky, who was making sputtering noises. Cally, who had finally finished the repairs to the pressure gauge, watched them with amusement.
"You're very good with him," she observed.
Hoshi waved it off. "I imagine on a place like Galactica he's used to having a huge extended family," he said.
"Maybe," Cally said dubiously, wondering what that 'extended family' would do if they knew Nicky was a hybrid child. The thought chilled her- why hadn't she wondered that earlier?- and she shook herself. "Do you have nieces and nephews?"
"No," Hoshi said shortly.
"Oh. Um, kids?"
"Oh, no." The dark look that had flashed across his face vanished, and he laughed. "Not yet, anyway."
"You want them?"
Hoshi smiled at Nicky, who was climbing up and running a car over his shoulder. "I do. Very, very much if you want the truth."
Cally considered that. "Your own?" she asked. "Or would you adopt?"
"Depends on what Earth is like, I expect," Hoshi said. "I mean, if we don't find it by the time I'm ready, I suppose finding a surrogate would be the best idea, just so one of us is contributing to the genetic gene pool. With as small a population as we've got, that would almost be imperative. But if we do find Earth, or if the chance for adoption comes up… I'm open to that, too." He flushed. "Of course, I suppose it depends on what Felix thinks, too."
"You could do it without him."
"I could. I'd rather not. It's not what I want." He ducked his head as Nicky ran a car over his hair.
"Yeah, well, not everyone gets what they want," Cally muttered.
Hoshi rolled his eyes. "Tell me about it," he said.
To both Cally and Nicky's delight, Hoshi stuck around and helped her put Nicky to bed. And even after Nicky was snug and settled in his crib, the little nightlight that Cally had made him throwing lights on the walls, Hoshi stayed.
"Thank you. You're more help than Galen ever was," Cally said, setting out two glasses of water for them. "I wish I had more to offer you."
"That's all right," Hoshi said. "And you're welcome. I just hope I have one half as cute some day."
"You'd be a good dad."
"I hope." Hoshi ran his finger around the rim of his glass. "It would be nice to finally have a family."
"Finally?"
He shrugged. "I was a foster child. I spent my entire childhood being passed from one family to another."
"Really?"
"Seven families, three planets, and eighteen foster siblings," Hoshi said.
"You're kidding." Cally thought of the stories she'd heard about foster families. "That's awful!"
"Not as bad as it might sound," Hoshi said. "Two of them were fantastic. One was a minister and his wife- they had children themselves, but took in foster kids. I stayed with them for two years, but that was all they could commit to. I still wrote to them, and they always wrote back. Even when…" he flushed.
"Even when what?" Cally asked.
Hoshi hesitated. "Look, I don't like lying about this, and most of my friends know it about me, okay? But I'd rather you didn't tell anyone."
"I can do that," Cally promised.
Hoshi picked up his glass and focused on it. "I spent a year in jail."
Cally instinctively glanced over at Nicky. "For what?" she asked.
"Theft. Trying to steal a car." He rolled his eyes. "I don't know. I hate to play the victim, but I really got frakked up for a while when I was a kid. I mean, two of the families I stayed with were amazing, three were all right, but two… they were nightmares. And I mean nightmares. And I got into all sorts of things I shouldn't have- drugs, sex… you name it. I got caught trying to steal a car, and I got tossed in jail. But I was a minor, and I didn't actually succeed in stealing the car, so I didn't have too long a sentence."
"Wow." Cally was stunned. "I never would have thought-"
"That's kind of the idea," Hoshi said with a smirk. "It's not exactly something I'm proud of. And you know how they call them 'correctional facilities'? Well, sometimes, they work."
"So you wrote to the minister and his family?"
Hoshi nodded. "It took me six months to write that letter. I stayed with them between twelve and fourteen, and… well, the family I went to next was fine, but I only stayed there six months, and the family after that…" he shook his head. "But Bob and Katrina were the only ones I felt like gave a shit, and you know what? They really did. They came." He took a drink. "It was Katrina who suggested I enlist, and that the military would give me at least a job and some structure. I agreed, they talked to a few people and I got parole for good behavior, and eventually I enlisted. It was the best thing that ever happened to me, and later, when I got all my shit together and enough time had passed, that's when I went to Officer's School."
"They let you go?" Cally asked, surprised. "Even with a criminal record?"
"I was a minor on Tauron when I was convicted," Hoshi said. "That helped. I had to do several restorative justice projects, and I needed ridiculously high scores and recommendations from any number of people, and I was told that my chances for promotion past Captain would be slim, and even that would be slow. But yeah, I got in."
Cally was still wrapping her mind around it. "It's hard to believe that you are an ex-con."
"More like a juvenile delinquent," Hoshi pointed out. "It was another life."
"That first time I met you, in Joe's," Cally realized, "I asked where you were from, and you were very adamant that it was the Pegasus."
"It was my first assignment after Officer's School," Hoshi said, "and really, it was the only place I ever truly felt like I belonged. It was the only real home I ever had."
Later, after Hoshi had left, Cally thought about what he said. The only real home I ever had. That certainly wasn't true for her- she'd adored her parents, she had friends, and she'd always felt at home here on Galactica, and even on New Caprica. But as she looked around the quarters she'd shared with Galen and felt completely out of place, she had a pretty good idea of how he felt.
***
She was walking through the halls, holding Nicky's hand and thinking about the Viper she'd been repairing when she crossed paths with President Roslin, Tory Foster close in her wake.
"You haven't said anything," Tory hissed in her ear as the President knelt down to give Nicky a few cuddles.
"You'd know it if I had," Cally whispered back angrily. "But no. I haven’t."
"Good. And don't forget it." Raising her voice to an audible, professional level, Tory said, "Madame President, I hate to hurry you away, but your meeting with the Admiral starts in two minutes."
President Roslin sighed. "Thank you, Tory," she said. She gave Nicky a final pat on the head. "He's darling. You're doing a wonderful job, Cally."
"Thank you, sir."
"How's Galen doing these days? I haven't seen him since the last meeting with the Colonial Workers' Alliance."
Cally felt Tory's eyes on her. "I wouldn't know," she said distantly. "We've separated."
"Oh." The President covered her mouth. "Oh, my gods. Cally, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to- I hadn't heard."
"It's all right Madam President," Cally said, forcing a smile. "But I don't want to make you late for your meeting."
"No. No, I should…" the President started to gather herself and head down the hall, but then turned back at the last minute. "Cally, are you all right? Is there anything you need?"
Tory's eyes were boring holes into her now. Cally kept her smile dutiful. "No, I'm fine. Believe me, there's plenty of work to keep me occupied. Speaking of which…" she glanced at Tory, and Tory nodded approval.
"Oh, well," the President said, her composure returning to her. "Take care, Cally."
"You too, sir." Cally took Nicky's hand more firmly and guided him away, Tory's expression chilling her blood.
Frakking toaster.
***
Midnight wakings. Convincing Nicky to eat. Diaper after diaper after diaper. His hands constantly pulling on her pants, his wails constantly in her ears, his nose constantly needing to be wiped. They were all things that Cally had thought she was used to, had thought she had the hang of, and now, every last one of them drove her insane.
"Stop!" she shouted at the tantruming ball of flesh and circuitry. "Just… STOP! Let me have five minutes of silence! Five frakking minutes! Is that really so hard?"
The rage welled up in her, and some isolated part of her couldn't believe she felt this way. Her muscles strained, and she wanted to just shake the child. Not that she ever would- she would never lay a hand on her son. But all she could do now was scream- primal and angry and tearing at her throat. She stood in the middle of her quarters, fists clenched as she just let it out. Nicky stopped and stared at her, and then added his wails to hers.
The hatch flung open, and two Marines stood in the doorway. "Is everything all right here, Specialist?" the one asked, looking confusedly from mother to child.
The other Marine was Caroline. "Oh, shit," she said. "Yeah, everything's fine here, Evans," she said to the first Marine. She put her gun down and undid her helmet. "Cover for me, will you? I'm just going to give Cally a hand for a moment."
"Yes, Sarge." Evans looked back at Cally and then ducked out, closing the hatch behind him.
Caroline was removing her vest. "All right, Nicky," she said firmly. "You giving your Mama a hard time? Listen, you hang out with me while I call some reinforcements, and we'll let Mom get her breath back, okay?" It was said with a matter-of-fact kindness that made Cally nod automatically, wiping her face with her hands. Nicky didn't stop crying, but Caroline picked up the phone, dialed a number and had a quick conversation all while balancing a wailing Nicky on her hip. Cally watched helplessly, tears streaming down her face.
"Is he sick or anything?" Caroline asked Cally.
"No," Cally said, shaking her head. "I just… I can't… he won't…"
"Okay. It's okay, Cally," Caroline reassured her. She patted Cally's shoulder awkwardly until there was a discreet knock, and then Dee slipped in.
"Sorry to call you," Caroline said, "but I've got duty and-"
"No, it's fine. It beats the paperwork I was doing. Go back to duty."
Caroline put her helmet back on and shouldered her gun as Dee took the baby. As Cally watched, Dee put some water on the heater, soothed Nicky, and got into settled into clean clothes, all with an air of competence that spoke of years of high school babysitting. When Nicky was happily playing with his cars, Dee made them both a cup of something meant to be tea and sat Cally down.
"You okay?" she asked.
Cally shook her head. "I thought I could do this, but I can't. I just can't do it anymore." She put her head down in her arms on the table and cried in earnest.
"Shhh." Dee stroked her hair. "You're expecting too much of yourself right now. You just left Galen, and you're still reeling from it. You're doing fine."
"I'm not. You have no idea how not fine I'm doing. Every time I look at him, all I see is his father."
"It will get easier," Dee soothed her. "After time, everything will get easier."
Cally wished she could believe her.
***
It was a relief when Galen arrived at the family quarters, and Cally couldn't hand Nicky to him fast enough.
"He's been that bad?" Galen asked. Cally just shrugged. Galen shifted Nicky onto his hip, and Cally looked away. "Listen," he said, "you're gonna hear about it tomorrow morning, but Raptor 718 is having some issues again. It's all yours."
"Mine?" Cally asked.
"Yeah, well, it's not like you don't have time next week," Galen said waspishly. "Or am I cutting into some date time?"
"Date time?"
"I've seen that officer sniffing around you," Galen accused. "You're sure not wasting any time, are you?"
"You mean Hoshi?"
"Frak yeah, I mean Hoshi! Geeze, they say that people only get suspicious of an affair because they're having one themselves, and it looks like-"
"I was suspicious because there really was something going on!" Cally shouted back. "And there is nothing between me and Hoshi! He's Gaeta's lover."
Galen drew back as if he'd been slapped, and Cally knew he put the pieces together immediately about what Hoshi probably knew and didn't know. But he rallied with no problem. "Just because he fraks men doesn't mean he won't go after you, too! Especially with Gaeta not even in the Fleet!"
"And how is Tory these days?" Cally countered.
"I keep telling you-"
"You're a Cylon, not a cheating scumbag," Cally said acridly. "Forgive me if I don't find the first more forgivable than the second."
"You know what? Fine! You've made your point! If you don't want to be around me because of something I can't control, just get the frak out, Cally!"
"Fine. I will." She scooped up the bag and stormed out the door. She was halfway down the hall before it dawned on her that she hadn't even kissed Nicky goodbye. She hesitated, but she couldn't hear any screaming or crying. Just as well.
Like could look after like, after all.
***
The night before her week "off" from Nicky was up, she found herself in the Remembrance Hall, staring at pictures. Her eyes had blurred over when she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder.
"Who was he?" Hoshi asked, indicating the picture she was staring at.
"James Lymon," Cally said. "Jammer."
"Friend of yours?"
"Yeah." Cally sighed heavily. "He asked me to marry him once."
"You were…" Hoshi trailed off.
"No." Cally managed a smile. "It wasn't like that. It was after the attacks on the Colonies, and they were talking about babies and reproducing. We were all talking and drinking and talking about what our futures should have been, and Jammer- he was drunk out of his mind- but Jammer just turned to me. And he said, 'Hey, Cal, I'm now the best you're gonna do. Marry me.'"
"What did you do?" Hoshi asked, looking at the picture.
"Shoved him, told him there were still a few thousand men before he was the last man left alive, and we all had a good laugh about it," Cally admitted. "Him, too. He wasn't serious. But what if I had? What if I'd married Jammer instead of Galen?"
"World's full of what ifs," Hoshi said dubiously. "You might have been even more miserable with him."
"Thanks," Cally said sourly, but she was still staring at the picture. "You know what the crazy thing is? In some way, I wish Galen had died rather than finding out-" she shook her head angrily, wiping her cheek with the palm of her hand.
"Rather than finding out what?" Hoshi asked. Cally didn't answer, and Hoshi grabbed her arm. "Cally… do you know something?"
"I do, but I can't tell anyone," Cally said. "They'll hurt him."
"They'll hurt Galen?"
"They'll hurt Nicky!"
Hoshi glanced around. They were alone in the hall, but he still stepped closer. "Cally, if someone is threatening you, you need to report it."
She shook her head violently. "No. I can't. Besides, no one will believe me."
"They'll believe you. Is it Tyrol?" Hoshi asked. "Is he the one threatening you?"
"No," Cally admitted. "But I can't-"
"You can." She didn't answer, and he leaned in. "Come on, Cally. What's happening? What did you find out?"
She looked around one more time, and her body leaned in of its own accord. "He's a Cylon," she whispered. "Him and Tory and Tigh."
"Tyrol and Tory and Tigh are Cylons?" Hoshi said. He didn’t seem nearly alarmed enough, and Cally had the terrible thought he could be one of the last two. "How did you come by that?"
"Galen was acting strange," Cally explained. "I thought… I thought he was having an affair with Tory Foster. Maybe he was, I don't know. But I followed them, and they went to a weapons locker met up with Tigh, and I heard them. I heard them say-"
"Frak," Hoshi said, and his face went paler than usual. "Frak." He slid down the wall, sitting on the floor. After a moment, Cally sat down beside him. "You're telling me that the Deck Chief, the President's aide, and the XO are all Cylons?" Cally nodded. Hoshi scrubbed his face. "Frak," he whispered again. He thought about it. "Which one is threatening you?"
"Tory. She knows I know, and she said that if I ever told, that Nicky would regret it. I don't know if she'd hurt me or hurt him, but I really don't want to find out. Because I believe she would do it."
"She'd do it," Hoshi agreed. "Does Galen know you know?"
"Yes. I'm guessing they haven't told Colonel Tigh, or he'd probably be down my throat about keeping my mouth shut as well."
"Tigh. And Tyrol. And Tory." Hoshi tried to absorb it. "It doesn't make any sense. Weren't they all in the Resistance on New Caprica?"
"Galen keeps trying to tell me that he didn't know then."
Hoshi pulled his knees up and leaned his forehead on them. His lips were moving, almost as if he was calculating. Finally, he sighed.
"Well, maybe he did and maybe he didn't," he agreed. "But one thing's clear. They aren't in league with the Cylons we know."
Cally had never put words to that thought, but she realized it must have been in there in her, because she believed him completely.
"They would have done something long before this if they were," Hoshi continued. "What's more, I'd bet that the Cylons don't know that they're Cylons, for some reason. I mean, wouldn't it have come up on New Caprica? They should have noticed somehow. Either shot them or hugged them or something- something loud enough that everyone would know."
Cally nodded. "And that's part of why no one is going to believe me if I tell," she said. "And everyone knows I thought Galen and Tory were having an affair- I made a big enough scene in Joe's." She grimaced, not wanting to remember that night in any way. "They'll just see it as an attempt at revenge or whatever."
"Yeah. And no offense, but the Admiral will never believe you over Tigh."
"No offense taken," Cally muttered.
"Frak," Hoshi repeated.
"Yeah. Frak," Cally said.
Hoshi fumbled for her hand and squeezed it, and she squeezed back. They sat in the Remembrance Hall together in worried silence.
***
In the end, telling Hoshi accomplished nothing real. They decided not to do anything, although Hoshi suggested telling Gaeta when he returned. It was a good call, Cally thought. If anyone would believe her about Colonel Tigh, it was Gaeta.
But she noticed Hoshi came around a little more at night to spend time with her and Nicky. She watched him rocking Nicky, Nicky's face buried in his neck, a protective gentle-seeming guard dog that Cally thought would be fierce if provoked.
Which was why she was so surprised when the guard dog came out at her.
He was doing paperwork and she was carefully soldering together a broken connection when Nicky started fussing. Cally took a deep breath and focused on the soldering. "Would you mind getting him?" she asked.
"Yes."
Cally bit her lip. "Hoshi, I'm in the middle of this, and I can't waste the solder. Gods, it sounds crazy to say we're getting short on solder, but-"
"I'm not getting Nicky, Cally."
"But I-"
"He's just fussing. He can wait for you."
Cally chanced a glance up, her brows furrowing. "What the frak- ow!" She jerked her hand away, popping her finger in her mouth. "That frakking hurt," she said around the burnt finger.
"Mmm." Hoshi raised an eyebrow, and then looked back down at his paperwork. "Do you realize that, as far as I can tell, you've managed to avoid picking Nicky up for the past three days?"
"That's not right," Cally said.
"Actually, it is. I've been keeping count."
"Why the frak would you do that?"
He shrugged. "Something I noticed. You don't pick him up. You've only given him a very brief kiss. You haven't played with him. And if you can avoid it, you don't speak to him." He flipped a paper over and made a notation on a map.
"It's coincidence."
"It's because he's part Cylon."
"That's not true!" Cally replied instinctively, finally putting down the soldering iron. "I haven't…" but she trailed off, because she had, and she knew it. As if he sensed her distress, Nicky's fussing grew more insistent.
"Go pick him up," Hoshi said.
Cally sat back, crossing her arms. "No."
"Yes."
"He can cry it out."
Hoshi put the pen down and sat back, looking her square in the eye. "That's not something I've ever heard you say before. Go get your son."
"Make me."
"Specialist Henderson, as your superior officer, I am ordering you to pick up your son. If you do not, you'll find yourself in the brig for insubordination."
Cally meant to stare him down, but the Hoshi sitting across from her wasn't the friend she knew. This was the Pegasus CIC officer, who'd been on deck during things Galactica people only whispered about. Reluctantly, she stood and crossed the room to pick up Nicky.
"Sit down in the chair," Hoshi ordered her. She obeyed. "Now rock him."
Nicky cuddled up against Cally's shoulder. Cally rocked mechanically, not holding him so much as letting him lay against her. Hoshi stepped closer, and picked up one of her wrists. He wrapped her arm around
Nicky, so her hand cupped his head.
"Why are you doing this?" Cally asked, and she was surprised to hear her own voice shaking. "It's not… I'm not a bad mother."
"No, you're not," Hoshi said, and his voice was gentler now. "And I understand, Cally. Believe me, I do. I can't even begin to imagine what you must be feeling towards Tyrol right now, and towards Nicky. But no matter what he is… Nicky is your son. And nothing- nothing- should ever change that."
"I wouldn't let it," Cally insisted. "I just… I need time."
"You don't have time," Hoshi insisted. "Because if you let it start happening now, it's only going to get worse. And when you turn around and decide you want what you had back, you won't be able to get it."
Cally looked down at Nicky, who looked up at her with wide, innocent eyes. "But I don't know what to do with him," she said. "He's… how am I supposed to raise a hybrid?"
"Like you've been doing," Hoshi pressed. "Nicky hasn't changed. Only your knowledge about him has. Only the situation."
Cally couldn't answer. But Nicky reached up and touched her nose, and then laid his head back down against her shoulder. And without Hoshi prompting her, she laid her cheek against his hair.
Hoshi smiled, and gathered up his papers. "I'll see you tomorrow, Cally," he said. "And once you get through tonight, it will be easier."
"You sound like Dee."
He shrugged. "Dee is a very, very smart woman. I should be so lucky. Have a good night." He let himself out.
Nicky glanced at the door, and then looked back up at Cally. His little face was so trusting, and Cally touched his baby soft cheek. "I'm sorry, Nick," she said quietly. "Have I really been a lousy mommy?" Nicky didn't answer; he just sucked his binky. Cally pulled him back against her, wondering what the hell to do. Finally, she sighed. "I know it's not much," she said, "but why don't you sleep with me tonight, big guy?" She put him down on the floor, got ready for bed as he watched her, and then crawled into the big bed, curling protectively around him. She couldn't think of anything to say, but she fell asleep stroking his fine, soft hair as he snuggled against her.
***
"Action stations, action stations. Set condition one throughout the ship." Hoshi's voice was clear over the intercom, and Cally joined the rush in prepping Vipers and Raptors.
She caught Shark on the way out. "Careful with 718," she told him. "I still can't find what's wrong with the navigation system."
"Careful? Flying into battle? Cally, you've really got an odd way of looking at the world," Shark teased her. "You'd think that-"
"There's a weapons hold!" Racetrack shouted above the ruckus. The deck quieted, and everyone turned to Racetrack, who was already in her Raptor and listening to the communicator. "Five Raptors stay behind to wait for Marines and passengers," she relayed, and then looked up. "Twofer, Rubber Ducky, Shark, Roses, and Killer, you guys wait. Everyone else, get in the air, get armed, get your hands on those triggers, but don't fire until we get the word."
Shark's brow furrowed. "That's weird."
"Yeah," Cally agreed. "I wonder what's going on?"
"Must be something with the Demetrius. Gods, I hope they found a planet with food. Anything that's not algae."
"Not Earth?" Cally asked.
Shark snorted. "Don't get me wrong, Earth would be great," he said. "I'm just not that optimistic."
As they waited for the Marines to get briefed and the brass to arrive, Cally wondered just how much she still believed in Earth. She must, she realized, because just the word still had a power to fill her with hope and wonder.
She spotted Caroline with the Marines, and extended her hand as she ran by. Caroline slapped it and jumped into 718, and then all of the Raptors were gone.
And then the waiting began.
"I hate this part," Danielle muttered, more out of form, as Cally passed her during their landing bay prep procedures.
"Doesn't everyone?" Cally agreed. She glanced over at Galen. He was talking agitatedly to Laird, "Looks like they're at it again," she muttered to Danielle.
Danielle rolled her eyes. "Great. That means Laird will be a blast to work with."
The minutes stretched on into an hour. Cally wasn't even sure if the Fleet was still around them, or if the Vipers were fighting, or what was happening. There was a group huddled around the wireless, but no one seemed to actually know what was happening.
Finally, the Raptors and the Vipers began returning. "What the frak is going on?" Cally asked Narcho as he climbed out of his bird.
"Not a frakking clue," he said. "All I know is that the Demetrius is back, and they brought a basestar."
"A what?" Cally nearly shrieked.
"Yeah," Narcho said, nodding bitterly. "A basestar full of toasters."
"What the… and we didn't gun them down?"
"You're asking the wrong person, Cally," Narcho sighed. "Believe me, I'm with you."
"Get a medical team over here right now!" Helo shouted over the general hubbub. Cally turned around to see a few Marines easing a soldier out of the Raptor. She stepped back, making sure that she was well out of the way.
"Hey, Cally." Shark caught her arm. "Can you come here a minute?"
"Sure. What's up?" she asked.
Shark led her over to his Raptor. "It might be nothing," he said, "but on our way over to the basestar, there was this weird whine. It sounded like it was coming from near the jump drive."
"It's something," Cally sighed. "It's all something anymore, and this one's been ready for the junk heap for a while. The question is if we have the parts to fix it." She grabbed a flashlight, got down on the floor and crawled under the Raptor. As she did, she heard the medical team rushing by. "Stay with us, Lieutenant Gaeta," she heard one of them say. That didn't sound good, but she had a job to do.
Finally, she crawled out from under the Raptor. "When we've got the go-ahead, take me out in it," she told Shark. "I couldn't see anything, but that doesn't mean a thing anymore."
"Sounds good."
Cally picked up a rag and wiped her hands. "What happened to Gaeta?" she asked, nodding towards where the medical team had disappeared.
Shark frowned. "He was shot, but on the Demetrius. It looks pretty bad."
"Anyone told Hoshi yet?" Cally asked.
"Got me," Shark said with a shrug. He glanced at his watch. "Should we take 718 out now, or wait a bit?"
"Let me ask the Chief," Cally said.
Galen looked far away when she approached him, talking quietly with Colonel Tigh. Cally cringed, but crept closer.
"Did you see anything? Anything suspicious?" Galen was asking.
"I saw an entire frakking basestar of Cylons that Starbuck brought back," Tigh growled. "That suspicious enough for you?"
"I mean-"
"I know what you mean, and no. I have just as little a clue as I did before I went over there. Now shut the frak up- there are people around. We've both got work to do." Tigh strode away.
Cally cleared her throat. Galen turned to her and rolled his eyes. "Frak, Cally, don't even start. Not now."
"I wasn't going to start," Cally said. In truth, Galen looked terrible- his eyes bloodshot and his face pale. "Shark's complaining about 718 again. I wanted to take it out and hear the noise he's talking about for myself."
"Yeah, yeah. That's fine. Go ahead," Galen said.
Cally bit her lip. "Also, someone should tell Lieutenant Hoshi that Lieutenant Gaeta's in sickbay."
Galen's face darkened at that, but finally, he nodded. "I'll send someone up to the CIC," he said. "Don't know how much good it will do, but I'll send someone up. Go take 718 out and see what the frak Shark's going on about."
"Yes, sir." She started away.
"Cally?"
"Yeah?"
"Can you take Nicky tonight?" Galen asked in a rush. "I know it’s my week, but I have no idea what the frak is going on, and he might be safer with you."
Cally hesitated for a long moment, and then nodded wordlessly. Galen smiled at her. "Thanks."
"You're welcome."
It was the first moment since she'd found out that he was a Cylon that she didn't unconditionally hate him; when his first thought about the Cylons being here was for their son.
***
Felix Gaeta was one of those people that everyone on the ship knew exactly who he was, thanks to his job, but not many people were truly close to. Cally certainly wasn't. She'd known him some on New Caprica, before the Cylons landed, but that seemed such a lifetime ago. And while she and Hoshi had become friends very quickly, Gaeta had been gone the entire time. So Cally hadn't planned on going down to visit, until Dee came into her quarters swearing.
"What's wrong?" Cally asked her.
"It's Louis frakking Hoshi," Dee growled. "I went down to the infirmary to visit Felix, and do you know how many times Hoshi's gone down since Felix got back? Do you? Once. That's it. Just once."
"Duty?" Cally asked.
"That he volunteers for," Dee scowled. "Oh, not obviously, but he manages to engineer it so he's always on. He's barely been off in the seventy two hours they've been back."
Cally chewed her lip. Finally, she asked, "Do you want me to talk to him?"
"If you think it will do any good," Dee sighed. "I'm not sure it will."
"I can try," Cally said. "If you watch Nicky, I can go chew his ass out right now."
"Consider Nicky watched," Dee said, and Cally grinned evilly.
She found Hoshi pacing outside the infirmary. "Drop a contact?" she asked.
He looked up. "Excuse me?"
"Did you drop a contact?"
"I don't wear contacts."
"Pity. Because that's the only reason I can think of that you'd be out here pacing instead of inside comforting your partner who just lost his leg."
Hoshi glared at her. "I just need a few minutes to get myself together."
"So I hear. I hear you've needed lots of minutes to get yourself together."
"It's not your business," Hoshi said stiffly.
Cally raised her eyebrows. "And it wasn't your business when I was pulling away from Nicky. Didn't stop you from opening your mouth."
Hoshi glared at her suspiciously. "Dee sicced you on me, didn't she?"
"She did. It's not like I'd know a thing about it anyway."
"Then why are you down here?" Hoshi demanded. "I mean, you're not really friends with Felix."
"No," Cally agreed, "but I am friends with you, and I'm not going to watch you throw away the one thing you've got left making you happy."
"I'm not throwing him away," Hoshi denied. "I just…" he looked at her helplessly. "I just don't know what to say."
Cally shrugged. "Then say nothing. It's probably fine, because you can't say the one thing he'd want to hear anyway, which is 'here, have your leg back.' But get in there and say nothing while you're sitting next to him."
"I hate you," Hoshi told her.
Cally smiled. "I know. Now go." She grabbed him by the arms, turned him around, and shoved him through the door. Hoshi glared at her one last time, and then slunk through the door.
"I know it's hard," she said to where he'd been standing, "but you were right when you did it to me, and I'm right now, doing it to you." She turned around and went back to her quarters to tell Dee and to spend some time with her son.
On to Part 3