halos ( Read more... )

an imagined kiss
i love summer, i hate it
in passionless heat

in my sleep
i do not get nervous

vices of old in my clutches
clusters of memory
driven to subconscious action

dream state conquistador
railing along
gliding
by nature of chemistry
and irrepressible history

happening
with tiniest application
of will, logic, mystery

stars retreat
as i rest, assured

There’s a song I’ve been listening to a lot lately. The lines in the second verse especially: “[We’re] just trying to find a place / find our way through a fourth-dimensional space / and our reward for this / is not knowing why we exist.” While I realize the ideas expressed in these lyrics aren’t new or particularly profound (the question of why we ( Read more... )

Old shitty tire pieces fly up and over the hood of my 1995 Camry, as Mazzy Star plays the slowest damn song I have ever heard in my life over partially-blown factory speakers. I press the brake pedal as hard as I know my old friend will allow, but this does not really begin to stop the aging chunk of white metal. The cement wall to the left of me ( Read more... )

There are moments when the only appropriate action is taking a shot and letting the burn infiltrate every neuron and capillary. Immediate pain followed by momentary release. The numbing depression fades as the mind preoccupies itself with something immediate and acute. Empowered with the want and ability to say fuck it and run with it. And keep ( Read more... )

“It goes as far as you want to go with it.” The words labor on the edge of my brain as I stare at the intricacies of the wall. I say nothing. I know that I will not be able to fully explain myself here. I feel much of the self-created anxiety but I am not necessarily experiencing things in a different, hyper-real context. The wood floors want to ( Read more... )

We get drunk off of words; worlds crumble away into nothing and we are left smashed from rhetoric. I've seen what you mean, I've seen what they are trying to say. In our stupor, pride leaves us all vulnerable. I've hinged my life around the words of a few. The writers and idea junkies that mean nothing to me seem most prolific, and the ones ( Read more... )

i've had this journal long enough that it now serves as a breadcrumb trail - which i guess ultimately was the intended goal. i too, can observe my slow and eventual decay, and can even see the exact days my life took strange turns into the dark. sometimes this thing helped me believe i wasn't entirely alone, or not entirely insane.

today i went to a ( Read more... )

wear your devotion like a cape - wrap your love in red tape
bind your body in jurisprudence and shared cliche sentiments
your ego seeks a permanence, slightly better than your parents'
might not be my place - but why should we save the date?
eternal love as your job? excuse me, friend - that's simply macabre
right there under your ringed paws, an epoch ( Read more... )