i sit here and i smile. and thats simply all i can do. i'm so masochistic that sometimes i still actually think that i love you. lets just be honest here and admit that we've both lied. just about every single fear we've had has been justified. it says a lot, that i'm not supposed to care. maybe theres just a certain pain there that i'm expected to ( Read more... )

blah.

i go and type but it seems so uninspired.
when i actually set out to type,
i sit down and wonder how pretentious that is.
it should just ooze out and everything - like sweat and other bodily fluids.
(btw fuck you bukowski, you motherfucking goblin)
after all these hours with hundreds of people
that i come across everyday at work
i come home angry, tired
( Read more... )

i will put in an honest effort ( Read more... )

i don't care anymore.

my dreams fucking make me feel guilty and terrible.  jupiter is becoming a fucking wreck. more later.

strange regressive dreams. sleep for 2 hours, toss and turn for an hour - repeat. then mope into the day. dreams with motorcycles and cars and home and ishwar and the past. they feel nice in a squishy way, i guess. try to grasp them and they go everywhere. i am squishy in my dreams. i am embraced then i dissipate. i am kissed and i fade away. i am ( Read more... )

im not myself today. the chair i sit in has clothes all over it; my ass doesnt plop properly. i watch that old Replacements video, the one with the speaker pounding in it. Bastards of Young. one of my favorites. i cant even sit still alongside the dude on the lazyboy. i go to work, and decide to let someone else deal with it. new managers, new ( Read more... )

 being in school is a virus that makes me not want to write. i dont want the teachers to tell me what to type into _anyspace_, anymore than i want the pigs to tell me what to do in the streets. my teachers will never tell me what's good or what's bad - just what's proper. upon watching many run-through scenes in 'wonder boys' i almost felt a ( Read more... )

hey todd, everything you ever thought about will smith was right.

also: fast zombies/vampires scare me.

instead of meth-head zombies (ala 28 Days Later / I Am Legend) maybe they should make stoner zombies.

think of how ravenous they would be.

blood and funions. (and some water man...)

ironically enough, this zombie movie is laced with bob marley ' ( Read more... )