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I have a stupid webinar class in 15 minutes and I have a few minutes where I can just sit here and babble.

I have been doing a deepest fear inventory lately.  Another exercise to get in touch with the unconscious.  I would say that my deepest fear is humiliation.  I put on this front like I don't give a shit what other's think of me.  To a point ( Read more... )

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Maybe you think I forgot about you.  I didn't.  I don't really forget much, though I compartmentalize, which is probably what really causes dementia.

I miss my Benny.  He's been on vacation and I'm trying to not be sad, but a solid week without Benny has been rough.  He brings sunshine to my days and though he told me he was going to text me a ( Read more... )

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Things have been pretty decent lately, though I haven't fully seen an upswing from the depression I suffered a few weeks ago.  Everything is still in flux and I don't know what tomorrow will bring but I don't have to figure anything out in one day.  And as the days roll over, new things will come.

I got a new car.  I tried to drive a couple Audis ( Read more... )

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Not much has changed yet everything has.  I'm a completely different person than I was this time last year.  I feel stronger than ever yet weaker at the same time.

It's weird how people come into your life to teach you lessons.  I have many thoughts on this that I'll save for private.  The cycle repeats itself but I know a lot more about myself ( Read more... )

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I'm tired of everything.

Now that I'm old I had a boob picture taken yesterday.   They found something so I have to go back for an ultrasound.

It's annoying.  She didn't call it a cyst.  She called it an "obstruction" in the picture and it's only on one boob.  What the fuck is that even about?  I am 90% sure I don't have breast cancer and that this is just another ( Read more... )

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I can't put my finger on how I feel lately.  I kind of feel like I'm about to blow up my life again.  That untrustworthy feeling I get when I feel out of control like my shadow is showing up to fuck things up for me.  I'm trying to figure out what exactly she wants so I don't have to go down the painful road.  I really need to meditate on that ( Read more... )

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this weekend has been incredibly surreal.  i had to work, first of all.  it was one of those reasonable weekends, all told, but i have also decided to not let work shit bother me anymore, so i'm not entirely sure if it was a good manager on duty weekend or not.  only one person died and as far as i know, nobody called the state.

i attended a ( Read more... )

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Some weird shit has been happening in my mind which has reflected in my body.  I am allowing stress to really get to me and it has caused some health issues.

Last night I have a vivid rape and murder dream where I was the victim.  It was surreal, like, film noir surreal in the beginning.  All shadow and suggestion and then my dead body there, ( Read more... )