this is all bullshit. i need to go to sleep but i won't be able to now for a couple more hours. god i hate being me. i hate crying and not being able to stop. i hate not being able to breathe. i hate feeling sorry for myself. i was really hoping that trying to keep busy would help me. it didn't really work out well, it just ends up with me ( Read more... )

the past week has been uneventful. worked, babysat, worked some more, babysat some more. i guess it's all good to make money, but i don't even care all that much about the money. it's good though, for me to work and get out of the house and keep my mind on other things. it keeps me occupied from my brain ( Read more... )

well, for the past four days, since thursday evening, i have all of a sudden gained three children, a dog, a car and a house. luckily, they were all temporary of course, but it didn't feel so temporary. i am so happy that i don't have kids. i feel so drained from this weekend. so many crying children, shouts, screams, falls, lunches and dinners and ( Read more... )

okay. if you would like me to correct you on what you're wrong about, i will ( Read more... )

know what the worst part is ( Read more... )

i just finished washing my car...my car i'm not allowed to drive unless it's work-related. it was covered in pollen, and i was bored. i woke up at 8:30 this morning because of my dog...dumb dog. i've been up and moving since then. now i'm just hot and sticky. i need a shower and some lunch ( Read more... )

i don't know. i wrote a big long thing that made no sense. no surprise there. so i'm just writing this instead.
i'm tired. i'm just really tired.

i hate this. some big thing that should show someone how much i love them is just showing them that this isn't worth continuing. that's not what i had in mind when i told my mom. i was hoping it would make things better in the long run. obviously right now it's crap at home, stuck here with my car keys and my phone taken away from me like i'm 4 ( Read more... )

i told my mom about everything with phil...even though phil doesn't understand. he doesn't think i explained myself well enough, that my words come out the wrong way. they do that a lot, and maybe i didn't explain myself as well as i wish i had. i left; i came back. my options were to leave the house for good - to never be able to come back home, ( Read more... )

so...i've technically been home from school for the summer since about 12 o'clock on friday. i got home then and i was sent on a thousand different errands and we had a million things to do for the wedding. i didn't even have a chance to put away the few things i had left with me at school; they are still located in the garage ( Read more... )