i think i have figured myself out, at least a little bit. it came to me the other night when i was feeling pretty angry. i was trying to figure out the source of it and i thought about what else i was feeling...sadness/pain. so i did some research and the apa says that people can hide sadness/pain through anger. i think that is the source of my ( Read more... )

fuck. just fuck. one simple word. an accurate description of anger. or not i dont know. fucking dissapointment. i know thats an accurate description of life. constantly evaded by happiness...always sitting on the edge of something great and yet never getting to it. i can see my perfect world dangling in front of me, the mirage torturously held ( Read more... )

So i was bored and just thinkin about stuff and somehow ended up on the thought of how you amaze me and what i find incredible about you (i know its sad). but anyway i realized that you can do things for me that nobody else can...and then i realized that is where my predicament comes from. no matter how much a match we may seem to be, no matter how ( Read more... )

i was looking into my eyes a minute ago in the mirror, i expected more emptiness but i was shocked with a sort of hope glistening in them...as if there was some hope for the future. i immediately told them they were stupid. there is no hope left for me...not the kind of hope my eyes have. i cant believe in that kind of hope because i know it doesnt ( Read more... )

so i was just thinkin and ive gotta get some shit off my chest. all my mistakes seem to swirl around in my head, a few stand out. the very first mistake that i feel is significant in my life: 14 years old i broke up with a girl i should have never let go of. after that i went about trying to get her back in the wrong way (lots of unneccessary pain ( Read more... )

so i was just thinkin about this last night (and trust me ive got plenty of reason to be thinkin about it) and i determined that while being drunk may be fun it is very risky. i was trying to figure out what goes one and why one would do/say things that they do under the influence. ive always believed that a drunk person was an honest person, but ( Read more... )

to tell you the truth i dont really care, life wasnt really valuable to me anyway. now i can feel a little more free though. ill always be available though if you ever change your mind. i want us to be as close as possible. i understand your distance, but i dont have to be happy with it...

i have realized lately that it seems i have lost the capacity to really love. i have no love for anybody except for one, at least not in the sense people usually mean. i know that what i have been through is not the worst thing to ever happen to anyone but it was sufficient to destroy me. however, this lack of emotion has provided me with an ( Read more... )

HOLY SHIT...I WROTE THIS THE DAY I WRECKED...BEFORE THE WRECK!!!!: [in a word: bad. yes im ot doing well right now. im not at the bottom but im not far from it. i know my life isnt ruined, i know im gonna be alright, i think that she will be back someday, and if not then i think thats the way it was supposed to be, but none of that stops me from ( Read more... )