Well it was bound to happen.....after being sick and after several operations he finally died.......Quasimodo is no more. That's right folks, I'm talking about my POS '89 Buick Regal whom I christened Quasimodo after all of the replaced bits and pieces I put into him; true the hunchback of Notre Dame wasn't a mish mash of parts but "Frankenstein's ( Read more... )

Talent agent Lew Grade: Twenty-five is ridiculous, I can get you forty! Who's your agent?
Actor: You are.

Raw Horseflesh Ice Cream
Lettuce Potato Ice Cream
Shark's Fin Noodle Ice Cream
Goat Ice Cream
Deep Sea Water

ice cream flavors available at Ice Cream City, Tokyo

"Upon further review, the receiver gained possession of the ball and, after getting both feet down, dragged his other foot on the ground before going out of bounds." - referee during a Bengals-Patriots game

"Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your gynecologist for a thorough extermination!" - English subtitle for a Hong Kong kung-fu film.

Game show host Jim Lange: Give me the definition of the word "innuendo".
Woman #1: Unending.
Man #1: Uh, that's the capital of Greece.
Woman #2: It's an Italian pastry.
Man #2: The end of the end.
Woman #3: Something that happens in bed.
Man #3: I know that one. It's a Greek suppository.

Judge: I know you, don't I?
Defendant: Uh, yes.
Judge: All right, how do I know you?
Defendant: Judge, do I have to tell you?
Judge: Of course. You might be obstructing justice not to tell me.
Defendant: Okay. I was your bookie.

- recorded in court testimony

"I've always liked Saturn. But I also have some sympathy for Pluto because I heard it's been downgraded from a planet, and I think it should remain a planet. Once you've given something planetary status it's kind of mean to take it away." - actor Jared Leto

Take-out order taker: May I have your name please ( Read more... )

I sold my house and moved into a pandemonium. - Toronto mayor Allan Lamport