I want to write a book. I also want to be a cultural critic. I want to learn about post modernism and art nouveau. I don't think that anyone should really be a cultural critic because, well, who are we to judge, but since no one will stop begging for my validation (yes, you!), i might as well express this aspect of my life to the Nth degree ( Read more... )

buddies, fantasia, dinosaurs, lying, birds, pokemon, cart wheels, geography, italy, italians, the fugees, language, hip hop, cutting, photography, kurt cobain, horizontal stripes, guitar, shoes, new york, madonna, fashion, boys, art

writing

Intimacy is a thing that avoids me at all costs. Something gets lost in the pounds of flesh as we run closer to the end. I'm so scared to have a real life. Every day everything just gets scarier and scarier. Today at the dinner table no one was talking. just sitting in silence, chewing, waiting. Waiting is what kills me. I'm not going to be around ( Read more... )

You know when you're running, with determined eyes, trying to catch your breath, just waiting to catch your breath, but not stopping, still going, not able to breathe, not knowing if you really want to. Breathe. That feeling is nothing like sticking a straw up your nose to snort, feverishly and mad, a line of dusty painkillers. You imagine ( Read more... )

In hopes that the people I want to read this actually read this, which is improbable but i'll write it anyhow: I'm sorry for being depressed/miserable for the entirety of this "vacation". I should have come along with a better attitude and dealt with problems a bit better. Love you.

Ian, you're depressed.

I came to New York City searching for something. I found what I was looking for and I relish in the fact that I am so lucky and I appreciate it everyday. Everyday I thank God ( Read more... )

I wanted some many good things for you. But you tricked me. I had such high hopes. How could you do that to your little sisters? They love you so much. We all love you. Why can't you be happy? I understand psychologically why, but I'm pleading with you. You tricked me. I thought you could become something. Is there any reason for me to still hope? ( Read more... )

I've always looked to the past. Everything is always better just a few years ago, just two years ago, just a year ago. I always just miss it ( Read more... )

I just realized that its an adventure and a challenge to look like Lanvin without spending a lot of money. French and chic people everywhere, I'm setting on an adventure!