i'm finding it easier to breathe these days, but this quote still struck me.

“Until this moment, I never understood how hard it was to lose something you never had.”

<3 

 i've cleaned out my inbox. i'm making a giant goodwill pile. my body is going along with the mentality of cleaning out and moving on from it all. but my heart and my brain are still unconvinced that that's possible.  it's easier here at home where i'm not haunted by the places full of memories but it's still seeped into who i am and i can't move ( Read more... )

 i know i should be celebrating or packing, but am just so tired which leaves me cranky. so sleeping now and graduating in the morning. so tired. 

 i figure since i post such angsty things here so often i would simply record that today i am going to bed feeling ok. stayed up later than normal hanging w/ ruby in the lounge drinking soda and watching modern family. tomorrow has no exams but the event i'm hosting is in the evening.  plus of course thesis reception.  hope my hard work on history ( Read more... )

Yeh,but i really think this is what heart break feels like. inescapable.

wish it were. but wish more that i weren't here in the first place.

or at least that you were here with me.

 i want someone in my life who knows that when I am sick the best comfort is someone reading to me. 

 Today, i showered in the dark.

unlike the one at home, the bathroom here has no windows so turning out the lights leads to all but a sliver of light under the door and when the shower curtain is closed even that is put out.

I've done it before, showered in the dark. I discovered the phenomenon last semester I believe. At first I tried showering with ( Read more... )

 i want someone in my life who knows i eat twix bars because it brings back memories of afternoons spent on the base playing on the swingset, clambering up the rocks, and buying candy at the exchange. i want someone to share that with. 

 do you remember when we were best friends
i mean the kind who talked every day
remember how we made a new inside joke almost every conversation
when you told me that becoming my friend was the best part of your year
how we used to go for a walk every night just to shake off what ever was holding us down and because in the darkness we were free to tell ( Read more... )

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HeD86IT1Gl4