things are so strange this month it feels like I am getting ready to end the decade with changes to my life, which isn't so strange. it happened last decade when I went to prison. but that wasn't by choice. this is, I am about to move into a really nice apartment, giving up smoking, trying harder to be a good father, and a good boyfriend. I mean ( Read more... )

 My god it has been ages since I have posted anything on here.  well so much is different about life about me. I'm in a good relationship now with a wonderful woman who loves to drive me nuts, but makes me very happy . going back to college and looking forward to that actually, I think that is because I have matured quite a bit. Not so selfish as I ( Read more... )

blah, life is ok, start college in a few weeks, scary yeah. wonder what to do about certain people, and certain things going on in my life, things are changing swiftly and in a strange way. so much confusion I cant make sence. I have alot to think on, alot to meditate on. but all in all things arent that bad i guess, they could be worse.

considering leaving certain things behind, not feeling welcome, and everything is slipping away. I dont plan to leave those I have declared friends behind, I dont know right now it feels like a mailstrom with in me going wild. I dont know anymore. I mean I cant fucking focas on anything right now except art, and Sarah. I feel my some of those I ( Read more... )

I just don't know what I should do, I feel like I have fucked up and failed her when she needed me most. and yet I feel I am being selfish, I can't deny how I feel, but all I know is what I want, what I need. but she needs me more, her needs out weigh mine and so I must suck it all up regardless if I feel like I am not enough for her, that I am not ( Read more... )

I am finding life's mysteries unfolding, as the void around me comes crashing, falling down beneath my frozen feet. so many things my friends have yet to discover, they see some thing that is merely one side of the unknown amount of sides that make up the enigma that I am.they are begining to see that even I am going through some changes, they ( Read more... )

well for starters I broke up with Stacy, I just cant take it when she acts like everything is cool but in her letters that everything isnt so good, last letter she tells me that she still loved her ex, and this latest one she tells me she feels she will hurt me and that I should save my self the pain and that she wasnt good enough for me when her ( Read more... )

it seems I keep hurting other I care for. especially when they deserve better. I judt feel like shit, actually lower than shit. I wish I could make amends for what I did to them, they know who they are. they deserve better friends than me, I dont deserve thier kindness, I never did, not a creature like me. maybe one day I will truly end up as I ( Read more... )

well, I have fallen in my jovalty, I am not as hyper, nor hory as before, in fact, I am feeling nothing once more. mhm apathy seems to love me more than anything in this life. I seem to be a good actor as well when it comes to making others think I am fine, when I am not. funny actually, not really. oh well life is life, and we all die. that is the ( Read more... )

hyper, horny, what a combo, damn I need laid. fucking hell oh well thats life wwuhahahaha