It's 5:30 in the morning and I'm awake.What the fuck.I knew I shouldn't have gone to bed at 11.Fuck that.Been thinking more about my beliefs.I know deep down what I feel.I know deep down why I live.I just feel once you disown something so beautiful you don't deserve it anymore.it's liek I walk around this orb of light in my mind wanting to get back ( Read more... )

Almost a month since I've talked to Dustin.If I see him I don't know what to say.I don't wanna see him but yet I want to see him just to show him I am better off without him in my life.I've been thinking all I can say to him is that I have nothing to say.Here's your little girl you tried to control living life on her own.And enjoying every minute ( Read more... )

I've got that feeling you get from watching a hot chocolate comercial,where all the colors are gold and warm and red is prominate in the chair and you see falling snow outside and it's such a nice site.It's a nice feeling.Nice and secure without having someone invade my space with their rules.Not having to adapt myself so I fit into theirs.Brb ( Read more... )

This is what I've been missing.It's been almost three weeks since I've talked to dustin.I feel like this big net has been lifted off me.I dream of unknown now.I love not knowing what the future holds.I think I"m gonna go into psycology.I don't think I spelled that right.I think there's supposed to be an h in there.It's something I love.Meeting new ( Read more... )

When I go back and read my journal entrys I can see when I needed to be on medication.I don't ever wann be on medication again.I hated taking that stuff.Now that I don't have any contact with Dustin at all I've felt better.He always made such a big deal about staying friends.I"m sorry it's just really fucking hard to stay friends with someone who ( Read more... )

The movie was great.And David isn't that big of a flirt when he's alone.He flirts but doesn't seem sure of himself.But I have no more beer so I'm going to bed.

Thought I was gonna write last night but ended up going to sleep instead.Gonna go watch Saw 2 with David tonight.I dunno if I like David or not.I know it's nothing serious just that thing he does to my neck.I know he's very flirty.I don't really want a flirty guy,they are nothing special to me.I'd rather have a shy guy that things develope slowly. ( Read more... )

OK back to the changing the world.I persoanlly think it is possiable.Defiantly not in my lifetime.But someday.Someday it'll be ok.I find that aslong as I do take the advice of Angel my days are better all the time.Pretending to be positive.Never thought of things in a positvie light,never really knew what that meant.But now I"m beginging to see ( Read more... )

I feel better which each day.It's not as hard as I thought it would be.I'm thinking it's b/c Jenni,Leslie,and Tiffany are back at work right now.I have my Brett and Kerrigan back for awhile.I got full blast of Brett tonight.Yay!Flour fight!Man we need that more often at work.I miss the water fight days.Slow days are perfect for that.I'm getting ( Read more... )

Amanda Kerrigan has come back to us.She brings me much comic relief.And many things sexual.It feels like she never left.But then agian she deserted us.Drama is on the horizon.Felt like the old crew tonight,with Leslie and Tiff.Tomarrow night my sunshine returns.Tonight was fun I didn't do crap but scrub the stove for three hours and I must say it ( Read more... )