this summer has been shitty. much shittier than last summer. i don't understand how, but it is. oh well ( Read more... )

summer sucks. it consists of me working 38-40 hour weeks.. I occasionally see people I want to see.. but i only have  a month and a half left of work and then it's time to get ready for Arcadia ( Read more... )

 i havent seen him in one year.
i havent spoken to him in months.
isn't this supposed to be easier now?
aren't I not supposed to care?
it still hurts and i still find myself crying from time to time.

last night my friend steve came up to see me. 
we went out to eat at my job.
we went back to my house
we ended up  laying in my bed
it's funny how we always do ( Read more... )

 this makes me so sad.
tonight i woke up from a nap like 8ish..
and then had nothing to do, at all. 
i used to be loved.
i used to be in love.
i always had plans.
i was either going to lana's or matt's.
my life was so much more fulfilling then, even if it was falling down the toilet.

i had a brief conversation with him. it consisted of 2 texts.
i texted him ( Read more... )

i hate that you're always on my mind
i hate that when the moon is full i cry because of the memories of you
they flood in my heart and overwhelm my soul.
still this kills me day to day
i would do anything to stop this burning inside my chest.
one year ago. one fucking year ago.

 this weekend sucked. i worked thurs night, fri night, sat all day, sun evening, and now this morning.. plus doing stuff for softball games at occ at 8 am sat and 7 am sunday. i am so exhausteddd.

i don't feel like working! 
i  have a lot of school stuff i need to finish up..

the semester feels like it'll NEVER end.

so last night at work i was so exhausted i started imagining things.
i swore he was sitting at one of the tables.
curly hair, big nose, glasses.
my heart sank to the floor..
but then no one was there.
so weird.

bio is still my favorite class even if 8 am until 10:40 am may kill me today.
i am so exhausted

i'm not sure why ( Read more... )

i find myself falling more and more in love with someone i know i can never be with.
talking to him puts a huge smile on my face, and i can't figure out how to make it stop..