"Like what is gunna change between us if we just say we're in a relationship rather than dating? "
If nothing will change, why is it so important to you to define it as a 'relationship' rather than just dating? Whatever it is that is making you want to define things could be what he doesn't want right now. He sounds very happy just casually dating. It just may be what he wants in his life right now. If you are not happy and want more, you may need to look elsewhere. If you think he's just in it for sex, you can either quit having sex with him or continue knowing that what you currently have is not changing any time soon.
If he and his ex are friends, there is nothing inappropriate about him sending her pictures. There hasn't been any commitment between you two, per what was written. You can tell him how it made you feel but he's not doing anything wrong.
Mmmm you have a good point. I think part of it IS because I've just turned 22 and I've never been in a long term relationship and requited love is something I want to experience. Not that I'm just grabbing what I can, me and him have a lot in common and I feel comfortable around him and it just seems like the natural thing to do with him. It's always been very natural with us, I mean we were just friends before and I didn't intend for things to turn out like this.
I know, but don't you think the context of the picture was a little inappropiate? I just wouldn't do that to him. Part of the reason I didn't say anything at the time was because I don't know if I have grounds to bring it up because we're not in an official relationship, but we are attached, we do talk about our feelings and speak every day and I've met his family.
Again, you two are not in a committed relationship. He is free to do what he wants with whomever he wants. If he wants to send an obviously funny photo to someone, he can. Unless he has some odd food fetish, the 'kiss me' was most likely a joke. Now, if you were in asituation in which expectations and boundaries exist, it could be a different situation. Just because you wouldn't do it doesn't mean he sees anything wrong with it. He may not care if you did such a thing.
I've been seeing this boy for a couple of months now, although we've known each other for 2 years and became especially close friends a few months before, I feel serious about him and like I want to be in a relationship with him but I don't know if he feels the same.
So ask him!
This is a basic part of good communication. If you want to know how someone feels, ask. Don't guess, don't tell yourself stories, don't project, don't mind-read. Ask. Communication is important. You can't have a healthy relationship without it.
I said that I'd like to be and he came out with **this is the part that concerns me** "I like things how they are now, I hate when things get too serious and they get ruined". WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!
That is him doing the same thing you're doing: being afraid of the future, not knowing how the other person feels, and not talking about it directly.
Like what is gunna change between us if we just say we're in a relationship rather than dating? Because we're already basically a couple anyway and everyone says
( ... )
I feel like he's just taking the mickey and having all the advantages of having a girlfriend like someone to talk to every day, and have regular sex with, and show off to his friends about, but then not actually really commiting.
Then you have to have a conversation with him about that. Communication is important. You can't have a healthy relationship without it. If you feel like he's taking advantage of you, but you aren't saying so, then it's time to ask yourself why.
What should I do? Should I give him an ultimatum sort of thing when I next see him? Be honest and say I don't want to be with him at all unless he feels it will eventually go somewhere? Or just wait it out until he develops the same feelings as me? Or have I waited too long already? Is it too late to bring up the ex-gf snapchat thing? Do I have any right to bring it up at all since we're not "official"?
Okay, here's the thing:
It is ALWAYS okay in ANY relationship, even just a friendship, to bring up things that concern you. Always. Always. Always. There
( ... )
I know, this is hard! I just want to be with him! And it's annoying that things have happened in his past that are slowing things down with us, but I suppose that's just life. I know he does really like me, he texted me some lovely things last night that made me feel a lot better, but also gave me huge mixed signals because of what I've posted here. Like he said that he feels lonely without me and feels he's gotten really close to me and hasn't felt this comfortable around anyone so quickly so maybe it's getting there. I AM insecure about a lot of things, his ex is much prettier than I am and I just want to snag him up but I suppose I need to understand he has needs and insecurites as well as me, but they're just a lot different to mine.
Comments 9
If nothing will change, why is it so important to you to define it as a 'relationship' rather than just dating? Whatever it is that is making you want to define things could be what he doesn't want right now. He sounds very happy just casually dating. It just may be what he wants in his life right now. If you are not happy and want more, you may need to look elsewhere. If you think he's just in it for sex, you can either quit having sex with him or continue knowing that what you currently have is not changing any time soon.
If he and his ex are friends, there is nothing inappropriate about him sending her pictures. There hasn't been any commitment between you two, per what was written. You can tell him how it made you feel but he's not doing anything wrong.
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I know, but don't you think the context of the picture was a little inappropiate? I just wouldn't do that to him. Part of the reason I didn't say anything at the time was because I don't know if I have grounds to bring it up because we're not in an official relationship, but we are attached, we do talk about our feelings and speak every day and I've met his family.
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If you want more, you may have to look elsewhere.
Reply
I've been seeing this boy for a couple of months now, although we've known each other for 2 years and became especially close friends a few months before, I feel serious about him and like I want to be in a relationship with him but I don't know if he feels the same.
So ask him!
This is a basic part of good communication. If you want to know how someone feels, ask. Don't guess, don't tell yourself stories, don't project, don't mind-read. Ask. Communication is important. You can't have a healthy relationship without it.
I said that I'd like to be and he came out with **this is the part that concerns me** "I like things how they are now, I hate when things get too serious and they get ruined". WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!
That is him doing the same thing you're doing: being afraid of the future, not knowing how the other person feels, and not talking about it directly.
Like what is gunna change between us if we just say we're in a relationship rather than dating? Because we're already basically a couple anyway and everyone says ( ... )
Reply
I feel like he's just taking the mickey and having all the advantages of having a girlfriend like someone to talk to every day, and have regular sex with, and show off to his friends about, but then not actually really commiting.
Then you have to have a conversation with him about that. Communication is important. You can't have a healthy relationship without it. If you feel like he's taking advantage of you, but you aren't saying so, then it's time to ask yourself why.
What should I do? Should I give him an ultimatum sort of thing when I next see him? Be honest and say I don't want to be with him at all unless he feels it will eventually go somewhere? Or just wait it out until he develops the same feelings as me? Or have I waited too long already? Is it too late to bring up the ex-gf snapchat thing? Do I have any right to bring it up at all since we're not "official"?
Okay, here's the thing:
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