Your critique was kind of weak; you didn't really offer many suggestions, and you only mentioned a few small things. Actually, that might have swayed me to a 'no' vote, but then I got to your writing samples and changed my mind. I really like your style, and think you'll do well getting back into regular writing. One thing I'd say about your poem is this: I love the concept, I love the last half- but the first half throws it off, because it doesn't follow the 'end a line with a word, start the next line with the same word' pattern. I think the poem would flow better if you were consistent through and through. Anyway, good luck.
your critique was very thin, as the other two votes you've got so far have said.
your poem didn't resonate with me as it lacked imagery, and i found that the repeated words, rather than imparting a sense of rhythm that would carry the poem, made me stumble over the words and detracted from the poem's meaning. the poem didn't evoke an especially strong emotion in me, either.
while the drabble shows that you can write, there was no plot and no characters, and it wasn't a successful microfiction piece in my opinion; it read more like a musing than a story, which isn't really what we do here.
i'd like to see you apply again with different writing samples, if you don't get in this time.
I see that I have two yes votes and two for no. If I don't make it in this time around, I would very much like to remain as a lurker. It seems, from what I've read here, that I can learn a lot from this community. I am fully aware that my skills as a critic suck, as I've never really had to critique anyone's work before. It's something which I would love to improve upon.
My main question is: How will I know whether I'm approved or not this time around? Since it's 50/50 at this point, will the next vote be the deciding one?
Whatever the case may be, if I don't make it, again, I'd like to remain as a lurker. This community is so different from other original fiction communities, in that people actually PARTICIPATE. I've seen so many comms that have promise, but people just post and post with no feedback. I like the idea that members are required to participate, and also that you aim to keep your numbers low.
Re: QuestionfirstredmoonOctober 4 2008, 23:38:09 UTC
yes you can absolutely stay on as a lurker, and if you don't get in this time around you can reapply again in two weeks' time (or later, whenever you choose).
you must get at least 60% 'yes' votes to get in, so if you get another yes you will get in, if you get a no or no more votes, you won't. when voting closes (soon) either myself or default_setting will let you know what the outcome is as a comment to this post.
Thank you for being so bluntly honest in your critique. It's much appreciated. As of now, I'm involved in a certain group that will read something of similar tone and their response will be "Omg! That's so pretty!" So to have someone actually look deeper than that is a wonderful thing for me, personally.
As for which vs. that: You're not the first person to point out that I use one when I should have used the other. My writing is littered with one when it should be the other. It's something that I need (I almost said which, haha) to really pay attention to when constructing a thought.
Changed to "Sway"the_98th_centOctober 5 2008, 00:47:38 UTC
To be honest, I kind of hope you get into this community now, because the most important part of getting better as a writer is a sense of humility about one's work (something I lack, and why my writing in this community hasn't progressed as I would have liked). Also, the fact you want to stay on as lurker has influenced me in this decision, because for a lot of people getting into this community seems to be their only aim: it's like an ego thing.
I'm just as bad as you about the that/which thing, but the way I remember it is to say "which" after a comma, and use "that" if there is no comma, unless there is a "that" which precedes it.
This is the country that I love.
I went for a ride in the country, which is a big deal for me.
Re: Changed to "Sway"thefaewayOctober 5 2008, 02:44:35 UTC
I went for a ride in the country, which is a big deal for me.
hehe actually this is grammatically funky. Also, 'that' works here but changes the idea of the statement.
That type of deal which suits no-one.
Is a fragment. Also, "this" could replace "that" and "that" could replace "which" and "which" could replace "that" if the original "which" is removed. :P
I'm not gonna talk too much about your crit but from what I read I do think that you can critique well if you really tried. I suggest you pay more attention to small details that might point out a particular weakness in the writing, instead of looking for individual things to comment on
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your poem didn't resonate with me as it lacked imagery, and i found that the repeated words, rather than imparting a sense of rhythm that would carry the poem, made me stumble over the words and detracted from the poem's meaning. the poem didn't evoke an especially strong emotion in me, either.
while the drabble shows that you can write, there was no plot and no characters, and it wasn't a successful microfiction piece in my opinion; it read more like a musing than a story, which isn't really what we do here.
i'd like to see you apply again with different writing samples, if you don't get in this time.
Reply
My main question is: How will I know whether I'm approved or not this time around? Since it's 50/50 at this point, will the next vote be the deciding one?
Whatever the case may be, if I don't make it, again, I'd like to remain as a lurker. This community is so different from other original fiction communities, in that people actually PARTICIPATE. I've seen so many comms that have promise, but people just post and post with no feedback. I like the idea that members are required to participate, and also that you aim to keep your numbers low.
Reply
you must get at least 60% 'yes' votes to get in, so if you get another yes you will get in, if you get a no or no more votes, you won't. when voting closes (soon) either myself or default_setting will let you know what the outcome is as a comment to this post.
Reply
Reply
As for which vs. that: You're not the first person to point out that I use one when I should have used the other. My writing is littered with one when it should be the other. It's something that I need (I almost said which, haha) to really pay attention to when constructing a thought.
Reply
I'm just as bad as you about the that/which thing, but the way I remember it is to say "which" after a comma, and use "that" if there is no comma, unless there is a "that" which precedes it.
This is the country that I love.
I went for a ride in the country, which is a big deal for me.
That type of deal which suits no-one.
Reply
hehe actually this is grammatically funky. Also, 'that' works here but changes the idea of the statement.
That type of deal which suits no-one.
Is a fragment. Also, "this" could replace "that" and "that" could replace "which" and "which" could replace "that" if the original "which" is removed. :P
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