Your critique had almost no substance at all. You didn't point out anything specific, and didn't offer any suggestions. If you don't get in this time around and you wanna apply again, I suggest finding a piece that you actually kind of like, and therefore can say things about, rather than one that you just don't think has anything going for it.
Your excerpt was really short, so it was kind of hard to judge by, but here's what I picked up from it: you used no capitalization, and you had a couple basic punctuation errors. Those aside, the story has potential, but your writing itself is all over the place. That could be because, again, it was so short that it was really hard to see your style or figure out whether or not you can tie a plot together, but since you didn't offer anything else... Anyway, if you don't get in, you should definitely lurk around some more and apply later. Good luck!
Mass generalities in the critique, none of which are helpful in any way. You attacked the writer over the writing and made no comment as to how it could be improved.
Your writing has very childish word selection and syntax. There are many grammatical mistakes as well as a bumpy rhythm and topic that, again, suggests someone wrote this during their Jr. High years.
The idea behind the piece could be interesting as a creative essay. I may actually have seen a creative essay which has this type of idea represented. That essay, however, was both intellectual and entertaining.
Develop some skills, learn how to take a rather comfortable critique (cerchilaverita was rather kind to you, sir), then maybe you can make it in ... any writing community.
your critique wasn't constructive. it didn't contain any specific references to the piece, or what, specifically, could be improved. that's what you need to do in the future.
the writing sample seemed rushed and like it hadn't been edited well before you posted it here. i thought the voices of the 'you' and 'your brother' characters (don't want to assume it was actually you and your brother!) were well-written, but like thefaeway i think this could be developed into a creative essay. or i'd like to see it developed into a longer piece with more dialgue
( ... )
banned @ loveletters_v1firstredmoonOctober 4 2008, 22:04:34 UTC
leaving the community while your application is live is as good as deleting your application, so you have been banned from the community. if you feel this has occurred in error, please contact me.
Comments 5
Your excerpt was really short, so it was kind of hard to judge by, but here's what I picked up from it: you used no capitalization, and you had a couple basic punctuation errors. Those aside, the story has potential, but your writing itself is all over the place. That could be because, again, it was so short that it was really hard to see your style or figure out whether or not you can tie a plot together, but since you didn't offer anything else... Anyway, if you don't get in, you should definitely lurk around some more and apply later. Good luck!
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your ridiculous.
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Your writing has very childish word selection and syntax. There are many grammatical mistakes as well as a bumpy rhythm and topic that, again, suggests someone wrote this during their Jr. High years.
The idea behind the piece could be interesting as a creative essay. I may actually have seen a creative essay which has this type of idea represented. That essay, however, was both intellectual and entertaining.
Develop some skills, learn how to take a rather comfortable critique (cerchilaverita was rather kind to you, sir), then maybe you can make it in ... any writing community.
Reply
the writing sample seemed rushed and like it hadn't been edited well before you posted it here. i thought the voices of the 'you' and 'your brother' characters (don't want to assume it was actually you and your brother!) were well-written, but like thefaeway i think this could be developed into a creative essay. or i'd like to see it developed into a longer piece with more dialgue ( ... )
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