being here, back in the midst of this barren land, with the emptiness of the memories I clutch onto half-heartedly; is so strange. In the middle of a conversation I suddenly become aware that I am speaking and the person in front of me is blurring into translucent figures and I'm trying to feel the ground firmly beneath me, touching body parts ( Read more... )

Ashtray bathtub water, rum more rum, I'm scrubbing the remnants of you off of my skin. Today, pulled my sweater close to my face, inhaling your scent deeply, breathing you. I feel you. I imagine fragments of dried cum, crusting over delicately between the softness of my porcelain legs, your teeth prints, hesitant, crawling across the back my neck, ( Read more... )

eat, drink, sleep. repeat until I'm nauseous with the repetitive nature of my existence. this silence is overwhelming. I try desperately to mold my lips into something comprehensible, my words into something coherent. porcelain skin, obscene red lipstick, dramatic black clothing. my existence has been reduced to my appearance. endless amounts of ( Read more... )

this is what I want, this is what I see; a messy hotel bed, crumpled sheets, your almond skin, broad shoulders, hauntingly innocent eyes, fucking and smoking, wallowing in our dullness and not caring a bit. because it's you and me, it's me and you. that's all I need. it's what I had, and I lost it. now it's goodbyes and days piling up between us ( Read more... )

another hotel room, another sleepless night. i rub my hands vigorously over my heavy eyelids, willing them to close, willing my mind to cease the reckless clashing of ideas and thoughts for just a few seconds. isaac is 10 miles from me right now, sleeping restlessly on his deteriorating cot, his heart pulsing erratically even while his calm body ( Read more... )

I need the comfort of touch without the expectation of sex. I need someone to understand what I mean when I say my reflection is foreign to me now and it's frightening in the most peculiar way. I stare at myself endlessly in the mirror and the longer I'm faced with my reflection, the less it makes sense. I don't look like myself anymore, somehow. ( Read more... )

I smile with my lips pressed against his, mumbling through the miniscule vacant spaces that separate our bodies, "today is the last day I'll ever see you, realistically, and it's three months to the day that I first spoke to you." The reserved sadness he tries so desperately to mask contaminates his words as he whispers that he'll miss me. Pulling ( Read more... )

I try to ignore the emptiness that hollows out the room, closing my eyes and riding digilently, trying to be somewhere else, in another life, perhaps. destroy the desire for that which is impossible, and accept what you get with a smile. but I'm incapable or unwilling. I'll never have him fully, by my rigid old fashioned standards, and that sparks ( Read more... )

I just want someone to hold on and never let go.

'crush the enemy', tom repeats like a prayer. Yes, but tommy dearest, how do you retain interest without the threat of loss? His cuddly, boyish face is bewildered, plagued by an innocent charm that negates his wrong-doings, "I don't want a girl when I have her." I understand dear, and then on goes the pleasing french techno, and off with the chic, ( Read more... )