In a damp, moldy basement in michigan, my body crumpled and twisted next to davena's, like the clothes and blankets and cigarettes that crumple and twist and try to suffocate us in our sleep; and my head is splitting and I vaguely recall dinner with some wealthy idiot who's in love with davena and kept giving me the 'I want to fuck you' look and ( Read more... )

and then comes the nauseating, shameful realization that the person you obsessed over, wrote endless melodramatic love letters to, and almost destroyed your marriage for is a complete and utter douche bag with not one ounce of intelligence in his pathetic little misogynistic head ( Read more... )

24 miles; the distance that separates us at this very second. Now you are picking your wife up from work, 25, 26, 27, and my heart is pulled violently against the cage of my body. I wanted to see you, I thought you could sacrifice a good fuck just for the sight of me. I guess not. you say, maybe isaac wants to fuck delilah, wouldn't that be fun? ( Read more... )

it's saturday and we're taking a day trip to nashville, the stiffness and rigidity of the week seems to be dissipating, at least in my mind, so I strip off the stained white t-shirt and torn leggings that have been my uniform in this miserable life. I shower, I painstakingly apply make-up, grey flowery tights, black baby doll dress that is maybe a ( Read more... )

find me on these websites some time ( Read more... )

it's my birthday. I'm drunk. I'm 20 years old today and I am supposed to be a woman now. Matt made me a woman and I no longer speak to him. My body is punishing me for abandoning the only man I've ever had any desire for. I can no longer become wet in bed, I can not enjoy sex, no matter how hard I try. I fucked the future corporal again today. I ( Read more... )

I am tired of insomnia. I am tired of being alone all of the time. I am tired of filling out forms and handling the money and feigning kindness to complete strangers so that Isaac and I can get this or that, so that I don't embarrass my husband because I don't fit into the army wife mold. I am tired of people, tired of women and their bitchiness ( Read more... )

nothing is real anymore. isaac leaves and I love him and I need him, isaac comes home and I want anything but him. I am sick with myself, with being caged inside of this miserable body that resists pleasure brutally and resolutely. I haven't eaten in three days and my body is fighting violently against me, my stomach clenching, unclenching, ( Read more... )

matthew stevens: i love you insanely and miss you every single day and it tears me apart that i can't have you.

I don't want to be an army wife.
I don't want to be a wife.

I don't want to be anything to anyone.