Eating Disorder Hell

[lovesmonet]

I have not posted for ages. Lots of struggles, some good times, a course of ECT, and now I am firmly planted in eating disorder hell. Basically I am eating very little, purging everything and walking and cycling like a maniac. The scary thing is that my purging is out of control. The anguish is that all the purging is not making my weight drop like

Comments

[bookgurrl]

That sounds miserable - and very dangerous. It doesn't sound like the ECT helped much. I wish there was something I could say to help you turn this around. At this rate, I fear it won't "slowly kill" you but that it will quickly kill you. You are at such high risk of instant cardiac arrest with all those behaviors. Is it really worth dying for? You gave me good advice - can you turn that back around onto yourself and take the steps you need to stop this self-destruction?

I'm still deep in self-hatred, but I'm healthy now. I don't know if I'll ever get past it either, but it's better than being sick and in the hospital.

I'm really worried about you. I mean REALLY worried. Please know I'm here for you. Please try to find a way to end the self-destruction.

((hugs))

[craycraytheysay]

I think self compassion is a good thing for you. Do you have a therapist you see reguarly? If so, maybe working on self compassion in the sessions helps even more than reading.
I agree with bookgurrl, you are in a very dangerous place. Take care.

[kmwilly]

Sorry to hear you are/have been struggling with the ED again. I can relate to the self hatred and desire to punish myself but it makes me so sad and worried that you feel that way about yourself :(.

[hostage_of_hope]

Hugs. I wish I had words of encouragement. Just keep trying.